Turning a Guy On? It Ain’t That Hard

May 9, 2011  |  


A friend of mine recently asked me what turns me on. Strangely enough, I had a hard time answering outright; my initial notion being I was supposed to come up with something from a gonzo Adult Videos flick that involves a blender, maraschino cherries, a vacuum cleaner, the tongue of an adult St. Bernard and a celly with 911 on speed dial.

I’m a male who’s not in his 70s and suffering from prostate cancer. By virtue of that, it takes little more than a strong wind to turn me on. Teen sex comedies would have you believe it takes some really far-out Shyte to get a man going, but female stand-up comics almost nail it when they joke about the vagina being more than enough.

While I don’t think that’s entirely accurate, I do know it’s the simple things that drive us. Here’s a brief, incomplete list of what gets me open:

– A woman with a nice frame whose silhouette is enough to engender the anticipation of seeing her. She clearly takes care of herself and can dress like a knockout (not a Slore) when she wants to remind the world that she’s on jam.

– Dark hair. (On her head, that is)

– Watching my girlfriend prance around in skintight black cotton pants that look as though they’d barely fit as sleeves around my arm. That’s how asses get slapped as they walk by.

– The “walking sex bomb”: a woman who’s not just dead Hot, but owns her sexuality and renders the average man a babbling buffoon. See: Rihanna; Megan Fox; Shane Mosley’s girlfriend.

– Navel rings.

– Virtually anything with shiny fabric from Victoria’s Secret.

– The Ford Mustang Shelby GT500. Any year.

– Walking in the kitchen to see aforementioned girlfriend cooking. Of course, I do my best to see that the meal gets postponed or somehow ruined…

– Jeans, sweet Jesus…JEANS. The right pair can punctuate what you’re already working with beneath, or if you’re rocking a sloppier a$$, make all that feta cheese you’re packing look like a heart made of freshly-sculpted ice.

– A killer, traffic-stopping.

Yep. No crazy-filthy sex acts, whips or Areola clamps. This list will change, I’m sure, as I grow older. But at 30, these are what remind me why women are the best invention since the Chia Pet.

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  • hello

    what is the point of this? men like staring at tits…. wow…. who didn't know that?!

  • Just Saying

    What gets on my nerves about this article is that men seem to forget that these pics they see of celebrity women are airbrushed and photoshopped to death. If you saw those same women in person, they do not really look like that. If average woman went into a photo studio and all you saw was the end result you would swear she was a bomb shell. It's all about what the editors want you to see. So next article please!

  • Kathym14

    Right on because as a Black woman I love the form of a Black man and if he is well dressed not bagging and sagging and he happens to wear dreads I get weak. If he has a nice smile and beautiful brown eyes and when he opens his mouth and says something intelligent like hello my name is instead of yo baby I will take the time to listen to what he has to say. It is a total package.

  • honestfemale

    Nice list! 😛 *rummages though jewellery box for long lost navel ring*

  • Gary

    The Shelby Cobra!

    Oh Beloved Lord in Heaven…The Shelby.

    Oh, my!

    ya gotta 'scuse me a moment…..

  • France P.

    Ok…so I'm on course, except for the navel ring…lol

  • pgrip

    ditto – spot on – repeat!

    he will appreciate your intellect and charm and funny one.liners once 'the dance' has started…men are physical, that's a no-brainer, but i'm sure when you met Your dude, you weren't attracted to his very large brain…

    sue me.

    flameviewer .blogspot. com

  • Daniel White


  • blackheart

    this is so like.. demeaning..
    for so many reasons.

  • Pimple Ken

    i agree…easy to get us started…Walmart Giving Back After Laying Off Over 50,000 People.. $1,000 Giftcards – I Grab 2 of Them..LOL http://goo.gl/g4zvo