After a very public and sad breakup, Ciara ushered in the New Year as a single woman. With her focus back on her music (and motherhood), she released her latest single, “I Bet,” which talks about infidelity in a romantic relationship. There has been speculation as to whether or not the song was a diss to former fiancé, Future, reportedly cheated on the singer. But before such reports surfaced, Future was Ciara’s “king.” In a recent interview with The Breakfast Club, Ciara spoke about the end of her relationship with Future and whether or not she thought she fell in love too fast with her ex. A man she once cried about on camera and referred to as her best friend:
“I think it’s just about going with the flow. I was a person who would be super hard. I would darn near date for a year before going to the next place. For me, I think with life you can’t really call it. You don’t know what a situation is going to be. You can take a year or you can take six months or you can take two. My dad, after knowing my mom for nine days, they were married and they’ve been together for 31 years. You never know. I’m not going to put a time limit on when I can do something. I’ve been experimenting over life, clearly, and I’m still trying to figure it all out.”
GOOD Music singer Teyana Taylor split with boyfriend Brandon Jennings back in 2014 after being head over heels in love with him for four years. The heartbreak was made worse when Jennings started dating Taylor’s so-called friend Tae Heckard soon after, and said that his relationship with Heckard was his first “real” public relationship. After publicly scolding her ex for disregarding what they had, Taylor has since confirmed a relationship with new beau, Iman Shumpert of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Taylor can now be seen lauding her man (and his penis…) on a regular basis on Instagram, crying about him during performances, wearing a chain with his name around her neck. While he hasn’t shown the same level of wild enthusiasm, the pair appears happy together.
Both of these ladies and their relationship habits got me thinking about how women fall in love, noses wide open, and rave about a man who stays doesn’t do the same for them. And while I do think the partners of both of these women did and do care about them, for many women, we fall head over heels in love with someone we aren’t even sure is “in like” with us. We all have that one friend who seems to be on a different date with a different guy every month and each time she believes she has found love or that she’s met “the one.” For the celebrities mentioned, it’s hard to avoid the limelight when establishing relationships, but there is a certain privacy that is important when building a foundation. Like Ginuwine said, “it ain’t none of yo friends business…” There are some days where we want to shout it from the rooftops when we’re falling for someone, but sometimes it’s better to keep some things to ourselves when trying to cultivate a new relationship.
Don’t be so hasty to post the man you just met as your “Man Crush Monday” on Instagram because you two had a connection; it’s only been a month. It’s better to focus on building and being present, rather than posting every date on social media and telling all your friends and family about this mystery guy you barely even know. In this tech age, people have access to all our information via the web and being transparent about our lives seems to be the norm. But are you being a little too transparent? If no one asked, why are you telling?
Naturally, we want to be in love, and we want someone to love us, but there are ways to build a healthy relationship with someone without involving an audience. For the hasty woman, allow him to chase you and uplift you up on a public platform instead of always rushing to do so. That’s not to say you can’t be certain of what you want. But by design, men are chasers. If you chase him, he doesn’t really have any work to do because you’re doing it all.
A good way to slow down is by learning how to contain and channel your excitement in other ways and by keeping your options open. Don’t place all your eggs in one basket when you’re not 100 percent certain of where you stand. By keeping your options open, you stay busy. You don’t have to date a plethora of men, but focus on you instead of focusing too much of your time on him and only him. Keep the conversation flowing and the dates coming, but don’t get too serious if he’s moving at the same pace. That will allow you to gauge how much interest he truly has in you.
I say all that to say, turn off social media and remove the rose-colored shades. That way you can actually see where things are headed, the red flags that may pop up, and if there’s a real connection before jumping the gun on love.
