When they say that you should work on yourself before entering a relationship with someone else, they are telling the absolute truth, Ruth.
My boyfriend once told me about a coworker of his who was reeling over a relationship gone sour during one of their lunch breaks. This coworker had been dating a woman for years, and according to him, she broke up with him over a misunderstanding.
This couple just so happened to be watching a volleyball game on television one evening, and while appreciating the great match that was being played, the coworker also decided to openly appreciate the bodies of the women killing it on the court.
“Wow! Do you see their abs?! Their bodies are sick. They’re in really great shape.”
Many women wouldn’t look too deeply into such a comment, opting instead to either agree or politely disagree (often by acting as though they’re not as easily impressed…). It’s not something that would usually stay in someone’s mind and mess with their psyche.
But this man’s girlfriend wasn’t pleased.
In response to his remarks, she said nothing at all. And while sitting on the couch together in their Brooklyn apartment, she became quiet and distant. There, but not really there.
You see, according to my boyfriend’s coworker, his girlfriend put on some weight over the years that they were together. You could call it “happy weight.” But it was enough weight to make her feel anything but “happy.” In fact, it made her feel insecure. Enough to look at as his compliment as some sort of jab towards her, or even worse, a terrible attempt at motivating her to hit the gym ASAP.
So a few commercials later, as she continued to watch the match in silence out of the blue, he asked what was wrong.
“What were you trying to say?”
And from there, their relationship imploded.
That question would lead to accusations that he wasn’t happy with her weight. This despite the fact that even though he noticed the extra pounds creeping up on his girlfriend, he didn’t make mention of it. Instead, if he were going to the gym, he would invite her out, but if she weren’t feeling it, he wouldn’t push.
That night they argued. They fussed. They gave each other the silent treatment. She would eventually pack a back and stay with a friend, and afterward, she went a step further and ended their relationship. Years down the drain over some belly fat.
But plenty of people let their insecurities ruin their relationships and get “tight” over small compliments that aren’t directed towards them alone. A friend told me about a cousin she has who will go out of her way to let her husband know that the woman he once said aloud was “attractive,” is, in fact, “not even that cute.” In front of a room full of family members, the “attractive” woman’s name (and business) was brought up by a relative. The cousin’s husband said that he hoped the woman was doing well in Florida, where she now stays. The cousin was not happy happy out that. She sucked her teeth and commenced to tell anyone who would listen, “She is NOT cute!”
Mind you, nothing was mentioned about the woman’s looks and she didn’t even live in the same state as my friend’s cousin and her husband. And yet, the cousin was obviously threatened.
I could understand being a little testy about your man complimenting another woman if he says things that are inappropriate. But it’s best not to act like a man doesn’t have eyes and won’t find another woman (and her body) to be attractive. You see the way these men still lose their minds over Halle Berry! And Lord knows we drip drool over Idris.
We can all be a little insecure at times, but when your insecurities are allowing you to get bent out of shape over flattering remarks that aren’t for you, so much so that you want to start a fight, it’s safe to say you’re trippin’ and have some issues you need to deal with. And ladies, it’s best to deal with them before you enter yet another relationship. Know yourself. Love yourself. Get over yourself.
As for my boyfriend’s co-worker, he and his girlfriend were actually able to work things out. It took some time, but they reunited and moved in together again.
They did all this after she lost a few pounds and got her groove back. Can’t tell you if she got her mind right though…
So what do you think? Is this a petty problem? Or should your man keep compliments for other women to himself?
