A young woman reached out to our news writer recently with an interesting dilemma. Having read the writer’s past story entitled, “The Private Relationship Vs. The Secret Relationship: There’s A Difference,” the woman wanted to know which category her relationship would fall under.
The woman explained that she is currently in a two-year relationship with a guy she believes could be her soulmate. He makes her happy–so happy that she gushes about him to her friends and family. Unfortunately, he doesn’t do the same when it comes to her. According to this young woman, her boyfriend is a very driven workaholic whose family depends on him heavily to do well so that they can be financially stable. He’s their great black hope. According to him, his family wouldn’t be happy to hear that he’s so consumed with a relationship. Weird excuse, right? Well, that’s not the only one.
She also said that after talking to him about her concerns, he told her that he doesn’t let other people know about their relationship because he doesn’t want outsiders meddling in what they have. This woman understands his sentiments and wants to make things work. Remember, this is a “soulmate situation” we’re talking about. But it’s obvious that she’s very conflicted. On the one hand, she’s happy and believes that they have the same goals and hopes for their relationship; but on the other hand, she says that she doesn’t understand why he’s so weird about claiming her and that his failure to do so hurt her to the point where she contemplated leaving in the past.
Despite all that, she hasn’t left him because like many women caught up in complicated romantic situations, she’s in love.
This is a tough one to call. There are pieces of their backstory missing: whether or not he tells people he’s off the market at all; if he’s wary of appearing with her out in public; if he displays any other suspicious behavior; and it would even be good to know if they’re from two different ethnic groups, as that could make him feel like his family wouldn’t approve of their relationship.
Whatever the specifics, to me, this is not a petty problem. This is a real issue. I can understand people trying to be defiant and not wanting to announce to the world that they’re off the market. The days of Facebook relationship statuses linked to your special someone’s page are long gone. That’s so 2008. But one could say that this is equivalent to him basically saying, but not saying, that he’s either embarrassed to be seen with her for reasons unknown or that he can’t claim her because someone else is claiming him. While I do believe that there are genuinely private people out there who don’t want to share their business with others, this is an extreme. Based on her account of things, he won’t even talk about her with his friends. Family is one thing, because many people don’t believe in introducing men or women to their kinfolk unless they’re looking to take things to the next level; but a person who won’t even talk about you with their friends just to let them know that they’re in a serious relationship (because two years is not two months, people) is being more sneaky than reserved. Honestly, after more than 730 days of exclusivity, expecting a guy to be proud of his relationship is really not asking for that much–that is, if he’s actually proud to be in the relationship after all.
So is this a petty problem? Should she be understanding and not care about a public announcement? Or is he doing her greasy?
