“I’m Beating Every Statistic” Kim Coles Engaged At 53 And What We Can Learn From Her Story

March 31, 2015  |  
Source: Facebook

Y’all know we love Kim Coles around here. She’s been the homie in our head since her “In Living Color” days and she solidified the spot playing the quirky and kind-hearted Synclaire James. So I, and then we when I shared the news with the other MN editors, were elated to learn that Ms. Coles recently got engaged to Reggie Mckiver, a holistic health expert.

Heeeeey!

Coles made the announcement on her Facebook page.

We really are happy for not only her but the women who will be encouraged by her story. Most of y’all reading this are women, so I don’t have to tell you about the pressure our mothers, our society and even we ourselves put on being married and having kids. And to do it all by 30. But bayybee (in my Mo’Nique preaching voice) there is no time limit to love. And if we all could just get to the mental space where we’re blocking out all the unnecessary (and generally unhelpful) noise about how we should lead our distinctly unique lives, perhaps we’d find they’d be filled with a lot less anxiety about things we really have little control over in the first place.

…or do we? According to Kim Coles, there are ways to get the man you want.

“I want to tell you how he found me. I got real focused on what I wanted in my personal life and the type of man I wanted to spend my life with. I like to have this conversation around finding your GPS or engaging your GPS, your divine GPS…I’ve made it mean something completely different. Gratitude, passion and success… See last year, I got really focused on the destination I wanted to have in my personal life. And by being really focused with that and setting my destination in that place, I was able to be in alignment with the man who showed up and the man who said I’m there too and I want that too…

I’m telling you I am beating every statistic. I am 53 years old and we are not supposed to get married after what 20, 25, 30 maybe? Yeah… that’s not true. I don’t follow any of those rules. I’ve never thought any of those rules applied to me and those rules don’t apply to you either.” 

Kim goes on to say that she’s teaching a course on how to align yourself to get what you want out of life. And without having taken the course and having just read a bit about it, I can gather that she doesn’t mean looking and searching for a man, putting all your energy into the hunt; but rather making sure that you are  the type of person you’re looking for. So if and when the man you desire presents himself, you’ll be ready, willing and able to receive love in a very healthy way.

We’ve heard this advice before. Like attracts like. Love yourself first and then love will enter your life. And admittedly, sometimes it sounds cliche and oversimplified. But it also makes a lot of sense too.

When you focus on working on yourself first, timelines become obsolete. How long does it take a person to love him or herself? It depends. Putting the goal or quest of finding romantic love in the context of finding and loving yourself first, gives us a much longer time frame to get it right.

So again, congratulations to Kim Coles and hopefully her story can and will be used to inspire some of us all.

 

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  • Lula Bell

    Congrats! So happy for you. Love is so much better when it is shared with someone. Dining alone is a bummer! Be Blessed! Both of you! When is the reunion show for Living Single? Did I miss it?

  • Sarah Jane

    Beautiful wedding!!!!
    I don’t see any pictures of his daughter….

  • More power to her!

  • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

    Congratulations Kim Coles.

  • MsLadyE

    Congratulations to Kim and Reggie! These kinds of articles totally make my day. Love doesn’t have an age limit or an “expiration date” like milk. It’s encouraging to know that there is hope for women of every age to find love and marriage.

  • Marie Nurse Esthetician

    KIM COLES is 53yrs young??!! NO WAY!
    Kim you are timeless, flawless and GORGEOUS. Congratulations on your engagement! Always Loved your energy. Fell in love with your character Sinclair on ‘Living Single’.

  • 1st Amendment User

    You have given us OLD SPINSTERS hope!!

  • DeepThinker

    This is another kick in the pants to those silly people behind all that date site “research” exhausting so much of their effort just to convince us (black women particularly) that we have a better chance at getting struck by a 757 airbus than to get married. I have three friends that found love and got marriage after 40. Kim’s story is encouraging. I wish her and her fiance the best.

  • FromTokyo

    All the best to her – it truly is a blessing!

  • shellyTheGreat

    yes!!! I am ridiculously happy for her! I hope that they go on to have many many wonderful years together!

  • Pingback: Girl Power (WCW) | Nourish + Love Company()

  • nick

    Congrats to Kim, but I ‘ve heard of later life engagements….I think its great, who says there’s a time limit? Go for it!

    • Kim Coles

      that’s RIGHT!

  • faith

    Congrats to you KIm!

  • Toya

    This SO just spoke to me. A male friend of mine and I were talking and he was talking about why he bought a house with two sinks. He said “I bought a house with two sinks because I know that my wife is going to need her room and space so I already made it available to her.” He says that he parks on the other side of the garage so that when his wife can park on the side closets to the door to be safe. He said that you have to start lining up the vision of your life in your head to be clear about what you want and visualize it happening. I took that to heart for my personal and my professional. I had to clear out all the junk of what I didn’t want to make room for what I do want and allow that to manifest. I also realized that in doing that I was doing the work on me to get me ready for whatever great things are about to happen. Congrats Kim… Good bye Ms. Coles, Hello Mrs Mckiver!

    • mzpw

      Thanks for sharing that……man, that’s powerful stuff (what your male friend is doing). I feel like I’m just now beginning to understand that type of stuff. I’ve always failed when it comes to relationships but now that I have a lil’ bit of wisdom, preparation makes such more sense…..

      • Kim Coles

        YESSSSSS! all the best to you!

    • Kim Coles

      BOOM! Love it! you get it! and wait…. could that male friend be worth taking another look at???!!! GIRL he got dem 2 sinks just WAITING for ya!!!!! woowoowoo
      love and blessings!!!

      • Toya

        It was a hard lesson to learn, but just like a class – if you don’t pass the exit exam the first time, you will repeat the course. Plus I wasn’t ready for a “real” relationship (even though I kept telling myself I was) and timing is e’rething! But you are the Auntie in my head Ms. Kim about my friend! Right now though we are both getting out of relationships (he actually bought the house thinking his ex was going to move in with him, but they broke up before he closed). He chose to re-frame how he saw the house instead of being sorry he bought it. But you never know…

        • Kim Coles

          well….. hmmmmm Auntie Kim says “keep the friendship alive and allow what is supposed to happen to happen” either way Love is love and good male friend is so important to have. Friends make the BEST mates… all I’m sayin’
          Woowoowoo! xoxoxoxox

    • mizz new money 2u

      Powerful

  • Rootsology Thee-Poiesis

    I think a lot of women myself included would love that course on alignment. It’s always great to see people in love with self and each other.

  • Nadine Nelson

    Congratulations and delicious blessings to you.

  • LLUVZion

    This is so beautiful! I’m happy that you found love without sacrificing the love for yourself. Please ignore the Negative Nellies. Some people can’t stand the fact that everyone is not as miserable as they are. Love and Blessings to you:-)

  • Nola Niecy

    Congratulations to you and Reggie!! I’m 50 years old and involved with a wonderful man after taking a 3 year break to work on me. Your advice is on point! I also began speaking into existence and aligning myself with my potential soulmate and he appeared. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you and Reggie a Blessed and Happy Union!!

  • alani

    So Happy for you both Kim! Blessings on your union! I told myself I was through with dating and relationships and have been working on loving me! I was around the corner and this man came walking down the street, I was trying to ignore him, but when he got close…, He just had that persona and said, “Hello!” Now he is someone I would like to get to know. So we are never too old (smile).

  • Guest

    She looks very happy. Congratulations to her!

  • Vdub2014

    Congrats Kim! I’m happy she found love. Gives me hope. Loving that red hair too. Can’t wait for my natural to grow out even more. My fro is getting huge!

    • Kim Coles

      ALRIGHT!!! #naturalrocks

  • Kim Coles

    Thanks for the love!

  • mmmdot

    “if we all could just get to the mental space where we’re blocking out all the unnecessary (and generally unhelpful) noise about how we should lead our distinctly unique lives, perhaps we’d find they’d be filled with a lot less anxiety about things we really have little control over in the first place.”

    Yes! Absolutely agree with this! Congrats Kim!!!!

    • Kim Coles

      THANKS!!!

      • mmmdot

        You’re welcome, Kim! I think you’re absolutely lovely and I wish you and your future husband lots of luck, love, and happiness in the future. ;- )

  • Truth Be Told

    I thought she dated women .

  • Tae’lur Alexis

    People are so negative and unsupportive. Well I’m happy for you Kim. I’m just happy that you’re happy

    • Kim Coles

      Lawd have mercy! Thank you my dear!!!!! Woowoowoo!!!

    • alani

      Me too!

  • guest

    No man is GOD, there’s only one creator. Yes sometimes being single really isn’t all that bad. After being in a marriage, then short and long term relationships, I got very comfortable with myself and my own space. There was love and then there was lust that those relationships were based on. So having time (yrs.) to reflect on some issues that was mine, and theirs, you may need a time out. Then you’ll know what you want in a partnership.

    • Kim Coles

      You are telling my story, honey!

  • ******

    This crap is depressing while other races tend to get marry at half that age. Jeez…..

  • positivebeatsnegative

    Congrats to Kim and GET Am IRON clad prenup IJS….

  • gapeach0614

    Who told her she shouldn’t get married after a certain age?

    • FeminineLioness

      It’s not that she shouldn’t but the likelihood of a black woman getting married at her age is relatively low.

      • gapeach0614

        This is what happens when you marry your career. At some point you have to make time for your personal life.

        • FeminineLioness

          I agree. I think that feminism taught is that we can wait til we are 35 or 38 and look for a husband as well as starting on getting pregnant but it doesn’t always work out that way. It’s very hard for a woman past 35 to find a man willing to marry her when there are younger women available. We are most fertile and youthful looking before 35 and between 18 to 30, those are our prime years when it comes to finding a husband. I hope that many more women understand that a career is not everything. You can not hug, make love to, kiss or have children with your paycheck.

          • gapeach0614

            My thoughts exactly! There’s nothing wrong with being independent; I get that. But when a woman puts so much emphasis on all the things she can do for herself, it leaves men in an awkward position. What’s there left for a man to do if a woman is doing everything for herself? A woman like that won’t let her guard down with the fear of looking weak or dependent so therefore she becomes her own man. Bring on the bullets and d**dos!

            • FeminineLioness

              I agree and that is what is wrong with so many black women. They like to take on the role of a man while still doing womanly things. Men love to feel needed and if you don’t need him, he will go where he is needed. I think we need to be more in touch with our femininity rather than focusing on a job or a career that can be taken away from us at any moment. Then each year, we get older and we have no one to love us or take care of us. It can be quote a scary thing.

              • Neva

                Its a catch 22. So we are suppose to not go to school and work, how will we survive and pay the bills? Im a sophomore in college studying early childhood development, and mass communications, i should quit going to school and just be barefoot and pregnant? Times have changed. Yes black women definitely need to be feminine. You can have a career, be educated, and still be feminine. What we need to do is date seriously, and only entertain men who are going to marry us. We need to value ourselves more. Black women simply don’t value themselves, because they have low self worth. That’s why some are single.

                • FeminineLioness

                  I think that it’s a bit more complex and I mentioned a couple of reason in my earlier post.

            • PrettyBrown28

              So who are you speaking for??? First and foremost, there are successful women of all races that are single and successful. For once, I would like for my people to think outside of their own neighborhood or what they read on the Internet, FOR A CHANGE. Secondly, It’s about waiting for the RIGHT man. I’ve made the mistake and starting dealing with men I had NO business dealing with. One was practically happy with being homeless…and another one was a sociopath. He was very mean spirited and insecure. And before some smart ascot say I emasculated him…according to his mom…he has treated ALL the women he dealt with like crap (dependent and independent). Some just wanted sex. So, at this point, I’m fine with taking a break from dating to get myself to make sure I make the right choice going forward. So if me being single and successful at 32 makes some of you cringe…oh well. I refuse to be a relationship just to shut someone up.

              • gapeach0614

                I’m speaking in general. I never said you couldn’t be single and successful. I said SOME women not ALL. So if I struck a nerve then my bad (not really). So what you had a bad relationship or 2. Who hasn’t? You live and you learn. That’s what life is all about. That’s good if you’re successful. Good for you! I wish you all the best. But please we can agree to disagree. I don’t even know you so nobody made this about you and your life but you.

                • PrettyBrown28

                  Ma’am, I truly and honestly believe that you are able to have a decent conversation without taking personal jabs. I responded as such because you said Black Women overall…not some or in general. So yes, I asked the question…who are you speaking for because…as you so eloquently stated, you don’t know me or the entire Black race. For any woman, successful or not, the issue is not with getting or having a man…it’s finding the right one that respects, appreciates, and love you. Be blessed.

                  • gapeach0614

                    I took a jab? I thought I gave props but hey I wish you nothing but the best in life. Continue your success.

          • Neva

            The problem is marriage is risky for women too. Lets say a chick gets married at 24 has 2.5 kids. 15 years later, stretch marks, extra weight, her husband starts cheating on her with younger women. Nothing is made to last forever, people are divorcing more and more. Men (and women) are flat out cheating and not making apologies for it. What’s the point of marrying nowadays? Odds are ut wont last. Ifk if i want to get married anymore, when the man just might be abusive and a cheat, and i have to give up my dreams to support him. Life is hard.

            • FeminineLioness

              Nothing is guaranteed but it does not mean to not try and give it a chance as well.

          • Beverly

            It IS NOT hard for a woman past 35 to get married. Thirty five is not old anymore. Many women in their mid 30’s look like they are still in their 20’s.

            • black men don’t marry

              “It IS NOT hard for a woman past 35 to get married.” I guess you fail to realize that men control marriage……

              • roxy

                Wait, what? Please explain because ‘ men control marriage’ is subjective…..how are you saying it?

              • MsLadyE

                How do “men control marriage”? Isn’t marriage a partnership between two people? Please explain.

          • Kim Coles

            Well you have to consider that perhaps i did not meet that man that I wanted to MARRY (again) until now!

            • shell

              No, you had other things you felt were more important at the time. Trust, I am happy for you and all, but I get the feeling that a lot of people are forgetting some women want to have children and find a husband before 40 and there’s nothing wrong with that. Too many black women are being told to settle and just be happy and content in the single-hood when that’s not what they truly want. Black women: Openly admitting to wanting someone to share your life with doesn’t mean society is going take away your independent strong black woman card. Telling a woman who wants a family that there’s hope, but she might have to wait until she over a half century or more is disingenuous in my opinion. I feel many of us are becoming modern day Aesop’s ‘Fox and the Grapes’ fable.

              • Kim Coles

                Hi there! I never said that you SHOULD wait until your eggs dry up,
                not at all! You may be missing the magic of MY particular story, Shell.

                I was simply sharing that soulmate showed up for me now.

                My dear, I was married at 23 and the marriage and children thang did not happen for me. That is okay with me.

                I pray that any woman who wants a child, can find the right mate… AND have successful well rounded life and be a “strong independent black woman” too.
                I know that it is possible even though many say it isn’t.
                I have simply decided to become a Fox who got to eat my grapes too!
                It is all a choice!
                peace!

                • shell

                  Again, congratulations. I know love can be found at any age. I’m just not the ‘soul mate’ kind of girl. I always thought of myself as my soul mate and any man who comes long must compliment me. I married at 25 for the first time and had two children. I’m divorced now and don’t regret. I never believed in the whole till death do you part. As woman, we set ourselves up for this whole idea of perfection. The older I get I understand there is really no such thing as the right time or even the right person. Humans are flawed beings and you just have to decide what type of flaws you can live with.

              • mmmdot

                It’s the curse of the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” for Black women. No matter WHAT we do our actions are ALWAYS pathologized and seen as dysfunctional. Patriarchal binaries are used to oppress black women while leaving men unaccountable for their behavior. Some of these binaries are: “[too] independent woman” vs. “gold digger,” “strong” vs. “angry,” “black queen” vs. “bxtch/females”, and “supportive” vs. “bitter,” “classy/stuck-up” vs. “ghetto hoodrat”. Men use these rigid, one-dimensional categories to control, shame, and punish Black women who don’t behave in ways they like, and even if you DO behave in a way they “like” they STILL pathologize you as a way to keep you “in your place” [i.e. the (too) independent Black woman and the (too) strong Black woman.]

                I’m sorry but I don’t really believe I’ve EVER even heard many Black women refrain from openly admitting that they want someone to share their lives with or that they don’t want children. What I’ve ACTUALLY heard is: (A) they don’t believe a Black woman is insignificant if she doesn’t have a man and (B) a Black woman’s relationship status doesn’t define their worth as a human being or a woman. That [too] independent woman caricature is nothing but a one-dimensional, anti-black misogynistic caricature that doesn’t really exist in ANY kind of reality. These labels portray women as inherent opponents and typecast black women one- dimensional beings that belong to either one patriarchal category or the other as opposed to allowing black women to be the complicated, nuanced, flawed, multi-dimensional, realistic, and relateable human beings they clearly are.

              • mmmdot

                Btw: There are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them and by idolizing them. That is where these [too] “strong” and [too] “independent” anti-Black misogynistic stereotypes are coming from. It allows for exploitative [often Black] men to rationalize the emotional, financial, and sexual overburdening, abuse, and abadonment of “strong” Black women, because they think of them as less than human. Being FALSELY and INANELY stereotyped as being impervious to human pain and frailty like other women and human beings = the dehumanizing “strong” Black woman stereotype.

              • MsLadyE

                I totally agree. That idea that Black women should “settle and just be happy and content in the single-hood” is just tired. Now if a woman wants to be single and is HONESTLY OK with it, fine and well. I don’t see anything wrong with being honest about wanting to share your life and love with someone. Some women adopt the “I’m single and loving it” mentality because they believe that wanting a good, happy, and healthy marriage (with or without children) is a sign of weakness (it’s not), or they’re being “thirsty”, “desperate”, or “scaring men away”. It’s OK TO ADMIT YOU WANT TO MARRY THE MAN WHO’S RIGHT FOR YOU. . If a woman of any age wants love and marriage, it’s OK to admit it and work on loving yourself so you can attract the man who’s right for you. I’m totally with you about the “Fox and the Grapes” analogy, because the “sour spinster” stereotype is not flattering.

        • Neva

          Will yall stop blaming careers for women being single? Some women just never meet their match. Its simple. What does having a job have to do with it?

          • gapeach0614

            Simmer down. Nobody was blaming careers but it’s true. Perhaps some women are so consumed in their careers that they don’t MAKE TIME to make themselves available for love. Then again there are some who don’t want love in their lives at all.

          • gapeach0614

            And another thing who’s to say some of these women even know what they want in a man if they don’t make time to go mix and mingle with men? If you truly want love in your life then you’d make the time and put forth the effort to find it. Yeah yeah yeah they say let love find you but it’s 2015. You gotta go after what you want in life.

      • Beverly

        You can get married at ANY age. Believing you can’t get married after a certain age because you are a Black woman is only true if you believe it. FORGET THE STATISTICS. Somebody probably made up those numbers anyway so Black women would believe it and follow suit.

        • Kim Coles

          I agree

      • Kim Coles

        thank you!

    • Kim Coles

      Media and society tells us that our chances are lower after a certain age.

  • 1Val

    Whoopty Do!
    As quiet as it is kept getting or keeping a man isn’t rocket science nor is it an accomplishment.

    • roxy

      Girl, I want say no to you, but you are so right! lol

      • 1Val

        I have been married for multiple decades and I rarely discuss my husband. Mainly, because I have never believed a romantic relationship defines a woman’s value in society. I hope for Kim Coles sake she doesn’t become next middle aged celebrity black woman taking to the cleaners by a gold digging man.

        • roxy

          Get out of my head writing my thoughts!! 🙂

          • 1Val

            Honestly, I just don’t understand this fascination some women have with getting/having a man. lol.
            I jokingly tell my single friends they must not know much about men to think having a man will right every wrong in their lives.

            • roxy

              I don’t either………

            • Diane

              Let’s hope not, that her man’s after her money. Like you said you and your husband been married for many years. This is her first, let the sista have this moment ,just like you and others have had theirs. Gettin or keeping a man, only works when that man WANTS to STAY! Nothing can stop him from being where HE wanna be. Women can lead a comfortable single life but after a certain age sh*t that use to fun and cool in your 20’s 30’s not so much, you want sumtin REAL, a stand up type of guy. Only time will reveal what the future holds for her, until then let it be what it is. Peace

              • 1Val

                Correct me if I’m mistaken but isn’t Kim Coles a divorcee?

                • Beverly

                  Just because she got married in her fifties doesn’t mean that man is no good for her. Many women who get married in their twenties and thirties get used and get divorced too.

                  • 1Val

                    When did I said otherwise?

                  • roxy

                    Wait, what?

                  • Kim Coles

                    I concur

                • Kim Coles

                  I was married at 23, correct.

                • it’s my perspective

                  We really don’t know her values system so that conjecture is unfair to her.

                  • Kim Coles

                    : )

              • Kim Coles

                Thank you and it it not my first time at the rodeo! I was married at 23
                : )

                • mzpw

                  I know it’s a long shot, but if this is the REAL Ms Coles…..1. I LOOOVED you as Synclair! I still watch to this day! 2. Blessings to you & your fiance. I’m still struggling with the whole relationship/marriage idea (& I’m getting up there in age), but I appreciate you sharing your story.

                • Guest

                  Congratulations, wishing you all the love & happiness in the world : )

            • it’s my perspective

              For some who have never had its validation that they are worthy of being labeled wife in the eyes of someone special and society. Some women place prime value on being a wife and mother while others place value on other sucessses: career home ownership being an amazing daughter friend etc. It appears that she had half heartedly given up on being a wife and felt somewhat inferior because of this when compared to friends who are married and even have children.
              We each have insecurities, and should embrace each other as we work through and conquer these fears with immeasurable feats.
              Congratulations and cheers. I will dance for you after the 1st song.

              • 1Val

                I don’t know when weighing pros and cons of any action turned into a bad decision. Everyone shows up for a wedding but few are around for heartbreak and divorce. You are interested in a wedding as validation instead of sustaining a union. I’ll pray couple will be able to sustain their marriage while you do the Electric Slide and Wobble at their reception.

                • it’s my perspective

                  Weighing the pros and cons are absolutely amazing! However; wouldn’t it be great if we all stayed together for infinity, but some people grow together and some apart and if we all learn from the experience, we will all be better.
                  I encourage the nuptials, the marriage and if so ordained, the divorce. People deserve to be happy at any cost.

              • Kim Coles

                Thanks for your comment and congratulations. May I give a little clarity on my story?
                1. I was married before at age of 23.
                2. I never REALLY really wanted children
                3. I never compared myself to my friend’s relationships or lives.
                4. I have built an amazing life for myself while having some relationships that were simply not the right fit or timing for the marriage. I bless them all… even the “bad” ones!
                5.We all have insecurities for sure and so I have been working on self love, compassion, forgiveness and open heartedness in all areas of my life and I stay present to joy always and that alignment also opened me to a match and a man that is of soulmate quality. I was happy either way. That is where the magic lies.
                6. Becoming a wife again does not define me. It is a blessing and honor to share and learn and love with another awesome person.
                If my story helps others, then I am happy.
                Thanks for listening!

                • it’s my perspective

                  Where do you find the time to respond to these blogs?

                  • Kim Coles

                    I was just taking a break in between meetings, I’m producing 2 shows and I love my hair. so you take care, now.

                    • it’s my perspective

                      That was an extended break given all the comments you made over hours. You take care too ….of that younger man given the changes and how they tend to run like track stars from those symptoms.

                    • Guest

                      SMH

                    • mmmdot

                      Kim your hair is lovely. I’m so sorry for all the judgmental and mean spirited comments you’re receiving. Again I wish I wish you and your future husband lots of luck, love, and happiness in the future!

                    • Marie Nurse Esthetician

                      THANK YOU for taking time out to do that.

                • it’s my perspective

                  PS The red hair has to to go, too outdated!

                  • Rw

                    Wow if you don’t have anything nice to say be quiet!

                    • it’s my perspective

                      F U now make me quiet

                    • mmmdot

                      Thank you! This person’s comments turned from rational and kind to straight up psycho and rude. Dafuq?!?!

                  • mmmdot

                    How rude can you get?

                    • it’s my perspective

                      You would be surprised. But you asked so I divulged.

                • Marie Nurse Esthetician

                  Thanks for clarifying that because some people on here think they know you and can read your mind. PLEASE KEEP COMMENTING & REPLYING TO COMMENTS!!! LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU!! You didn’t feel too important to reply to people who really enjoy you.

            • DaTruf

              Maybe it’s just about companionship and sharing their life with someone. That’s natural for humans. It’s easy for you to say that to someone single. YOU are married. They want the same thing, it may have nothing to do with a “fascination”, but more to do with the human condition. I’m married and feel incredibly blessed every day to have someone to share my life with, both the good times and bad.

        • Kim Coles

          Hi!
          Truth is society and media often tell women that a relationship does define them. I never said that, I’m simply sharing my joy.
          You say it is not an accomplishment, but for some it is the ultimate accomplishment. You and I know differently, but By your comment above, you have achieved the thing that many would desire. Since you say that it is not rocket science… please do share your wisdom so others (and I ) may learn from you. Share your knowledge 1Val??

          No matter what, I shall not be taken to the cleaners, my dear.
          I expect and hope to have a long healthy marriage like yours.
          Wish me and us well.
          Thanks!

          • 1Val

            Hi!
            Unfortunately, society and media often does tell women that a romantic relationship defines them. Its a thousand times worse for black women! We(your fans) are thrilled that you are happy and sharing your joy.

            I’m sorry I don’t view marriage as an accomplishment. I come from a family of long term marriages so I know they aren’t rarities in black community. And I also know that being married forever and a day does not indicate you are married to love, happiness or security.

            But more importantly, I feel the ultimate accomplishment in this life is loving yourself regardless of finding a person willing to marry you.
            No dear, it isn’t rocket science. Actually its quite simple marry someone who loves you as much as you love yourself. Make a man your partner not your God. Never love a man more than yourself. And always NEVER forget you are the prize with options so he isn’t doing you a favor by sharing your life.

            Our being fans of celebrity black women are tired of reading stories about our bright lights being duped by love con artists i.e. Sherri Shephard, Tasha Smith, Star Jones, Terry McMillian, Juanita Bynum, Halle Berry and others being with men who were parasites instead of heaven sent. All of these ladies married men who only had a pick up line and a smile to offer them. But they walked away from their marriages in different tax brackets than they entered in.

            Although, I’m flattered you took time to respond to my comments. I’m curious as to why you felt compelled to address a random comment in cyberspace. Our(your fans) wish for you is that you have all the happiness and love from a man who is deserving of you!

            I wish you the best!

            • roxy

              Ditto!

            • Kim Coles

              Hi 1Val!
              I responded because I felt that you were expressing opinions about me and women in general that needed to be fleshed out a bit.

              I responded because I am human and a woman before I am a so- called “celebrity” and that “random comments in cyberspace” are sometimes read and more importantly felt.

              I responded because you took the time to comment and I had the time to engage.

              I responded because I KNEW instinctively that you had so much more to say.
              And whew chile, I was right!

              No, Marriage is NOT the accomplishment. Loving yourself enough first so that when a great partner comes along to add to your life is quite the bonus. None of us know the full story of what happened in the marriages of the ladies that you mentioned. I wish them well.
              I am soooo grateful that you wish me well, too because I plan to “accomplish” many things…. including a great life AND loving/lasting marriage. Just like big sis VAL!
              Sound advice you gave, I’m glad that I responded.
              I knew that you had it in you.
              Peace and love always!

              • 1Val

                Thank you for receiving my words in the spirit they were given!
                All the best to you!

            • Guest

              She has been commenting and thanking people through out this post. You were not specially picked. Your spirit is not well at all my dear. You definitely are NOT balance body, mind and spirit like Ms Cole.

              • 1Val

                Bless your heart.

          • luvya

            Just wanted to say that I’ve always loved you growing up 🙂 beautiful role model and person. Congrats! It will be a blessed union…it’s His will and it will be done.

        • Chanda

          That does seem like the trend lately smh.

    • FromTokyo

      Getting or keeping a man isn’t rocket science, no.

      Getting the RIGHT man kind of is. But some women settle for anyone rather than waiting for the right one, so I can see how you would think something like that.

      If you found your right one early, don’t sh*t on someone who found theirs later. Rude.

      • 1Val

        The right man is a subjective term.
        The right man for a woman at 25 years old can be extremely wrong for her at 55 years old.
        Settling for men takes on many forms at all ages for women.
        Rejoicing because a woman ‘found” a man doesn’t seem like much to crow about.

    • shellyTheGreat

      I think it’s an accomplishment on both the man and the women’s part to stay together because so many people can’t do it because it’s hard work, and it’s something that can enrich your life if you do it right.

      • 1Val

        Not hardly. Many people are in long term marriages that should divorce.

        • shellyTheGreat

          I said “it’s something that can enrich your life if you do it right.” If it’s not enriching your life, then of course you should divorce, but for those who make it work and get something out of it, like someone who will help you when you need it, and someone who will help you raise your children, etc., then it is an accomplishment. But really, this is my opinion. It really depends on what a person values. if you don’t value marriage, then of course you won’t see keeping a relationship together as being a feat.

          • 1Val

            Are you married?

            • shellyTheGreat

              no.

  • mike h

    I hope he don’t do her like what Sherry Shepard going thru. Starts off good then….Still good news tho. She always seemed like a nice lady.

    • Myllee

      I didn’t want to be the one to say it but I have a feeling we will hear in few year times about them getting divorced and her paying him spousal support. I hope I am wrong but these men (or women) know to pick them.

      • mike h

        Riiiight.

      • Kim Coles

        Well, I have feeling that we will make it and last the test of time.
        Just send well wishes to us!
        thank you.

    • Kim Coles

      thanks and I’m counting on us making it!!!

  • GoldenGirl;)

    …….wait a minute Kim Coles is 53? Since when? Lol. Congrats!

    • Kim Coles

      thanks! : )

      • GoldenGirl;)

        Your more than welcome. Best wishes to you and your future hubby! 🙂

  • hi-liter

    I had no idea Kim Coles was 53 years old. Wow.

    • Kim Coles

      yup, I am!

      • Vdub2014

        You’re gorgeous and I’m happy you found love! Congrats to you and your boo.

        • Kim Coles

          woowoowoo thanks!

          • BohoBougie

            Congratulations!! I am 49 and just became engaged on the 27th of March. He is younger and I have never felt such peace and balance. I waited and didn’t settle. It wasn’t easy at times, but it’s worth it.

  • Arii

    How old is he? I googled the expert and the only info I can find on him…. is that he’s engaged to Kim Coles. I’ll hold the congrats for now.

    • Tae’lur Alexis

      Wow thats sad of you to say that

      • Kim Coles

        loving you right now : )

        • Tae’lur Alexis

          You’re pretty bada$$ for directly responding to the comments lol both the positive and the negative. And I think you came to my school (Bethune Cookman University)…you really seem like such a sweet and giving person so I’m just surprised that people aren’t happy to be happy for you lol it’s crazy. Love should be celebrated

          • Kim Coles

            Thank you beautiful! I’m just that YOU are “happy to be happy” for me!

        • Misss

          Congrats Mrs. Kim, beautiful black love.

    • Kim Coles

      He is 41 and feel free to share the CONGRATS, he is a keeper!

      • Arii

        Great; that’s what you deserve. Appreciate the response bc I am a big fan of yours.

      • Junie

        CONGRATULATIONS Kim!

  • Jessica

    Congrats Kim!!!!