What Isn’t Yours to Have…

May 5, 2011  |  

While doing the long-distance relationship thing a few years ago, I wound up in the bedroom of a friend. She was laid out across the bed, wearing nothing but black panties, inviting me to join her.

Though we both knew my relationship was on the skids – endangered by a lethal cocktail of distance and general incompatibility – I did the right thing and suffered turquoise balls that evening. It was the only time in my sexual history that I ever turned down sleeping with someone I genuinely wanted.

Some nine or 10 months earlier when I was perfectly single and trying to get at her, she had a Master padlock on the punany, unwilling to budge. Of course, when she recalled those moments way after the fact, it was all, “Oh I would’ve let you do A, B and C if you really wanted to.”

I have been in only three serious relationships in my adult life, the first and current serving as bookends to a 20s spent whoring and womanizing under the pretense of seeking the woman that I’ll someday marry. While single, I learned that women make themselves readily available given the right amount of game, charisma and a crotch bulge that just won’t quit.

But I’m not the Old Spice guy draped in Axe body spray: I have a few slovenly habits and my girl can tell you my unlotioned feet look like Mjölnir. So when a woman who wanted nothing to do with me suddenly comes around sexually, I’m prone to question her motives.

I didn’t learn until then that there’s truth to the idea that some women develop interest in men only when they’re off-limits; I always though this to be an old wives’ tale until the aforementioned friend admitted it outright.

I wish I better understood this phenomenon and its apparent gender-exclusivity. If a guy we know lands a choice woman whom we like or merely find attractive, we congratulate, provide adequate daps and, if necessary, inquire about her sexual prowess just because we wanna know. Real men don’t go out of their way to wreck homes.

If you’re one of these shady ladies, think carefully about your motives, intentions and end goal. There are thousands – if not more – men out there happy to accept you if the one you want simply isn’t available. Bear that in mind, lest you get caught up in something that can turn violent, on some Beyonce/Ali Larter-type Shyte.

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