What Isn’t Yours to Have…

24 Comments
May 5, 2011 ‐ By The Manifesto

While doing the long-distance relationship thing a few years ago, I wound up in the bedroom of a friend. She was laid out across the bed, wearing nothing but black panties, inviting me to join her.

Though we both knew my relationship was on the skids – endangered by a lethal cocktail of distance and general incompatibility – I did the right thing and suffered turquoise balls that evening. It was the only time in my sexual history that I ever turned down sleeping with someone I genuinely wanted.

Some nine or 10 months earlier when I was perfectly single and trying to get at her, she had a Master padlock on the punany, unwilling to budge. Of course, when she recalled those moments way after the fact, it was all, “Oh I would’ve let you do A, B and C if you really wanted to.”

I have been in only three serious relationships in my adult life, the first and current serving as bookends to a 20s spent whoring and womanizing under the pretense of seeking the woman that I’ll someday marry. While single, I learned that women make themselves readily available given the right amount of game, charisma and a crotch bulge that just won’t quit.

But I’m not the Old Spice guy draped in Axe body spray: I have a few slovenly habits and my girl can tell you my unlotioned feet look like Mjölnir. So when a woman who wanted nothing to do with me suddenly comes around sexually, I’m prone to question her motives.

I didn’t learn until then that there’s truth to the idea that some women develop interest in men only when they’re off-limits; I always though this to be an old wives’ tale until the aforementioned friend admitted it outright.

I wish I better understood this phenomenon and its apparent gender-exclusivity. If a guy we know lands a choice woman whom we like or merely find attractive, we congratulate, provide adequate daps and, if necessary, inquire about her sexual prowess just because we wanna know. Real men don’t go out of their way to wreck homes.

If you’re one of these shady ladies, think carefully about your motives, intentions and end goal. There are thousands – if not more – men out there happy to accept you if the one you want simply isn’t available. Bear that in mind, lest you get caught up in something that can turn violent, on some Beyonce/Ali Larter-type Shyte.

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  • Abbey

    Men don't do that? Are you kidding? They do it all the time! Men think that there is something wrong with a woman who doesn't have a man, but I have more men coming on to me whenever I am in a relationship. They're not interested when I'm single, but when I am "taken" they come out of the woodwork finding me so desirable… It's frustrating.

  • feckle

    hey to the other woman. when my man is finished with you, come be my sloppy seconds. serious tip though, what my wife won’t you will. in the meantime , continue gettin this good lovin and lies i am tellin ya.

  • toni

    TO the other woman, a spouse can do all they can do or still do the same thing they did to get the spouse, the person is just prone to cheat. And while you are thinking you are doing a better job than the wife, he is not going to be faithful to you. What goes around, comes around. Ten-fold baby.

  • NEWHAIR5000

    this article could have been 10 times better.madame noire we,the readers demand for better facts and BETTER authors.

  • NotDaOtherWoman(Yet)

    In response to "the other waman"… it may be true that some marriages have problems, but the solution is not to "take control of your marriage" so someone else won't "start" doing what you used to do, the solution is to take control of YOURSELF so you don't go outside of your marriage. If the other woman/man knows that his/her intended is already breaking a commitment to someone they are already involved with, then both offending parties share blame equally. Cheating is a DECISION that people choose to either make or not make. It has NOTHING to do with whether or not you're "doing what you did to get him" anymore. When marriages falter or end, it's usually 'cos the couple didn't do their own due diligence prior to being married, regardless of what "due diligence" may mean for each couple, and that can vary wildly, from beliefs about raising children, to finances, to religion, to maturity, or you name it!

    I am speaking from personal experience as a married woman who has a decision to make about whether or not to engage in an extramarital affair with a married man. Each of our spouses have stopped "doing what they did" to get us and we each know what the issues are in the others' marriage. Neither of us really did our due diligence before getting married, despite very long courtships and engagements. We both are displeased with how our current home situations are and find comfort in one another; however, NEITHER of our spouses is responsible for what does or does not happen between us. (And no, our spouses do not know each other… JS)

    • Zoe Skkye

      Hopefully you will be able to take some time and center yourself to get clarity of the decision before you make a choice that could be detrimental to your home, mental, and even physical (sometimes). It sounds like either the two of you should not be married or work things out. "For Better or For Worse" were the vows you spoke. I'm no way judging you or trying to tell you how to run your life. You are a grown woman, but every action has a consequence. You have to ask yourself is it all worth it in the end. I hope you make the right choice for yourself. Peace

  • THE OTHER WAMAN

    YOU CANT TAKE ANYTHING THAT DOSEN'T WHAT TO BE TAKEN…WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE OTHER WOMAN / MAN FAULT? IF YOU ARE IN A MARRIAGE, WHAT EVER YOU DID TO GET HIM…..DONT STOP, UNLESS YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO START! STOP BLAMING THE OTHER PERSON AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MARRIAGE!

  • Truth be told

    It happens on both sides of the fence…not bragging but I get hit on a lot…mostly when I'm at work and trying to be professional…and rarely ever has me disclosing that I have a significant other stopped a dude from persuing me…if fact it usually intensifies their attempts because then they think they can get what they want with out the committment part…but still even though this happens a lot, I'm not gonna say the majority of people are like this. Its like I told a guy coworker of mine the other day when we were having a simular conversation…for every chich that approaches you knowing you are married they are perhaps 50 who will not. Ofcourse you only see the ones that do so this affirms your own bias.

  • Zoe Skkye

    I've been on the receiving end as well as the one involved w/ an "unavailable man". My reasoning for being w/ a married man were past feelings I harbored for him, as well as, the hurt I was suffering because I was cheated on during my marriage. I am not proud of my actions and have no excuse. Of course I felt bad for his wife, but he didn't make it any better by calling me his "second" wife and wanting to move me near him so that we could continue our "relationship". I wasn't okay w/ being second and no woman/man should be. It all boils down to knowing your worth and what you want. Going after someone in a relationship is selfish. If the other party don't know about you and haven't given consent to this "relationship" you have w/ thier partner than it isn't right. Allowing yourself to be in a situation or keep "friends" whom you know have feelings for you is wrong and you are just asking for trouble.

  • chanala

    Men dont do it?? really? puh leeze! what about when you tell a man you’re not interested in him cause you have a boyfriend/husband and he says “well i cany have your number in case you get in an argument with him??” or “are you faithful?” or “if you’re not married then its not cheating” i hate when men say “well its not like ur married!” arent bf/gf relationships foundation and kinda like practice for marriage and commitment?? dumbasses!

  • Nukie

    If you can show me one man that has never cheated, I will show you a million dollars. I don't care what anybody say when it comes to men and cheating> They are like one and the same. Take it back to when our grandparent's was growing up. Grandaddy had another family across the railroad tracks and granny knew about it. Back in the day it was better to have a man than to not have one at all. So like I said if you can do that, which I doubt, I will show you a million dollars.

  • Black and proud

    Internal beauty has that down. Once she "has" him she doesn't want to keep him, vice versa. Once he's no longer forbidden, he has a lot more flaws.

  • internalbeauty

    this is one of those 'i'm an insecure woman' traits.don't let the ' i'm a confident woman who goes after what she wants' excuse fool you, any confident , emotionally healthy human being is not going to go about 'breaking homes' for the sake of it. she does it because she feels good getting one over on the other woman. the fact that a man who is taken 'could not resist' her temporarily raises her low self-esteem. she needs drastic measures taken (and sacrifices made) in order to be with her to prove that she is worthy of someone's love. these are the same women who start fights in bars and expect the man she is with to go off even if she was just bumped by mistake.

    unfortunately once a man does these things (sadly even divorcing his wife),she gets bored with him, there is nothing more he can sacrifice to show he really wants to be with her, he discovers that nothing will please her, things get chaotic,the relationship ends, and then it's on to the next…

  • http://www.3-dolls.com 3 D.O.L.L.S.

    There is nothing attractive about a man who's already in a relationship. He's off limits, and you have to realize that it's not worth it in the end. First of all, if he is willing to even consider cheating with you, what does that say about his character? Won't he treat you the same way? Karma is something that I'd be more afraid of, though. If you try to tempt someone else's man, whose to say someone won't be tempting yours when you finally get one of your own?

    • hello

      Amen girl! What comes around goes around. If it starts in a game, usually it'll end in a game.

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  • windy city

    he spent most of the story talking about that one funky incident, then ended the story after a few sentences…it was a cliffhanger…poorly written

  • seek2027

    So true

  • Prissy

    Hmmm interesting. I don't think this is the case with most women. I've seen it in some men. Can't really say this goes for all people.

  • Shaundra

    everybody wants what is unattainable to you…thats what the chase of cars, money and clothes are about…..and hoes..of course..Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. http://goo.gl/OeFMB to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!

  • Shaundra

    everybody wants what is unattainable to you…thats what the chase of cars, money and clothes are about…..and hoes..of course..Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. http://goo.gl/OeFMB to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!

  • Shaundra

    everybody wants what is unattainable to you…thats what the chase of cars, money and clothes are about…..and hoes..of course..Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. http://goo.gl/OeFMB to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!

  • Shaundra

    everybody wants what is unattainable to you…thats what the chase of cars, money and clothes are about…..and hoes..of course..Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. http://goo.gl/OeFMB to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!

  • Shaundra

    everybody wants what is unattainable to you…thats what the chase of cars, money and clothes are about…..and hoes..of course..Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. http://goo.gl/OeFMB to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!