Deadbeat Dad Trying to Regulate? Puleeze

April 27, 2011  |  



Photo Credit: Lee Ferris/AP


Forgive me if I don’t muster up the requisite amount of sympathy for Mr. Jean Pierre, the grieving father of the three children who drowned in the Hudson with their mother, 25-year-old LaShanda Armstrong.  Don’t get me wrong…as a mother of four kids myself, I’d be a basket case if I lost a single one of them.

But you know what?  I suckled those four children until they were a year old.  I ran to the doctor when they were sick.  I volunteer at their school.  I wash their clothes.  Train them and sacrifice every single day for them.

It’s hard to muster the empathy I’d usually have for a parent who lost his entire progeny in one car dive into a murky river, but honestly I can’t.

Not because he was a deadbeat.  Or a cheater.  Or allegedly abusive.  Those parents are allowed to love and grieve for their children too.

But when I read the New York Daily News that Pierre was trying to cherry-pick which of Armstrong’s family members were allowed to attend the funeral, a little vomit came up in my mouth.  If baby-daddy is trying to pass along blame to folks, he’d better take a close look at what he did and didn’t do that might have contributed to this tragedy.  No one, I mean, NOT ONE of Armstrong’s family members should have been excluded from paying their respects to children that they also loved, and perhaps cared for while Pierre was out chasing tail.

Apparently I’m on the right track, because a poll the NY Daily News showed 70% of readers thought Pierre is being an a$$.

“He’s carrying on so [much] in there, screaming and hollering. The guilt is filling him up,” said Gwendolyn Green, a cousin of Armstrong who was barred from entering the funeral at the whim of Pierre.

But I think this quote pretty much sums it up for me:

“Treat the mother right! Don’t abuse! Pay child support! You’re supposed to take care of people when they’re alive!” said Green.

Christelyn D. Karazin is a health writer and the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed (to be released February 2012), and runs a blog,, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.




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  • Help is for the living. How many women do you turn your nose up at because they are in a similar situation? Refuse their call, avoid them at church, NEVER OFFER TO BABYSIT or whatever. Do not be a hypocrite.

  • Disay

    The one child that got away wasn't even his child she she wanted to cause him pain I wouldn't allow them to have the same funeral but I would let both sides come to my children though BUT then again the ones he didn't want there probably helped her keep the kids away from him she not a victim she was a murderer

  • C.Lowe

    Let me start by saying that I DO NOT side with this woman. She clearly acted out of selfishness. However, to say that "she should have known" and "she should have done" this and that is not entirely logical. This woman killed herself AND her children. Yes, she is wrong, but she clearly was not in her right mind to begin with. That woman had some deep rooted mental and emotional problems that were probably fueled by her roller coaster relationship with this man. A woman who is operating w/ a full deck would have stopped at baby #1 and kept it moving, but she had a twisted way of thinking that eventually drove her to do the unthinkable. What she needed was a therapist and a psychological evaluation A LONG TIME AGO.

  • COCO

    What he did against her family was horrible. It appears that HER aunt and sistershelped to raise the kids.Also, he was CHARGED with leaving the smallest outside in the SNOW with no clothes on as HE WENT to see a girlfriend.HE WAS CHARGED WITH THAT! So, let's not pretend he was THE BEST! Also, he was put in jail for OVER 11,000 worth on back child support.Let's stick with the facts. HE was a deadbeat.PERIOD! She should have left him at baby#1 and moved on from there and YES she should have been on the pill.I can't take her side.WHY keep having them? Not letting her family attend shows how immature and ignorent he was. Regardless, he will get his and she will answer to GOD.

  • Rastaman

    I have never had my children murdered, so I can only imagine how painful an experience that would be. But if the murderer was their own mother, I would curse her through eternity. That man may not have been the perfect father or mate but he is a damn sight a better person than their mother who murdered them. Is there a worst crime than a parent who kills their own children?

    I have followed this story too and what apparently led to the man cherry picking of the mourners was his view that some members of the murderer’s family were naming him the cause of killings. That is cowardly, place the blame where it belongs on the murderer, their mother. If she wanted to kill herself that was her choice but she did not give her babies a choice and so trying to make this man the focus of your anger is unconscionable. He did not kill those kids she did make her unworthy of empathy and do not try to shift the focus.

  • tired of the crapola

    ITA he probably was telling her we're gonna be back together I'm gonna do right for you and the kids one day. She believes him lets him back in and the next week he is gone again. He acts like none of that stuff ever happened the next week when he is with the other women. How long did he think this mental state was not gonna affect this woman?! He is the blame for this and he is going to reap what he sowed. He should've left this woman alone .I know all to well what this idiot did and he hasn't stopped yet he is still trying to control and run things at the damn funeral of all places smh .

  • Men who love their children love and respect the mothers of their children. Therefore, if you're getting side p*ssy all around town, you don't really love or honor your children!

    • tired of the crapola

      ITA !

  • fablady

    I don't think his cheating is to blame but he definitely played a part in that woman ending her and her kids life. She drove that car into the river after he violated a restraining order and was beating at her door. Am I saying he is entirely to blame, no not at all. She made a decision to drive into that river all on her own, but he still had a hand in it and for that he should feel guilty.

  • lafemmenoir

    Funerals are for the living and is a way for the living to have some closure. With that said, nothing this man EVER does will make up for th fact that he abandoned a woman who was raising his children, to chase tail, nothing!. My dad died and left my mom, **his wife**, with 4 children to raise and she struggled, and she had a college degree and family to assist. I shudder to think how low this young lady had to have sunk to get to the point in her life where she didn't see a way out for herself and her children. She was desperate, and I do not blame her. I blame those around her that failed her and I blame the "father" most of all because chasing women was more important than being in his children's lives. If he had been, this could have all been avoided. … How many more trumpets have to sound before people wake up?!

  • Ms. Jay

    It's very unfortunate, but those children died because their mother killed them. It sucks that 1. she let this man emotionally beat her down, that the only way she saw out was death. 2. that she repeatedly had children with this (I use the term very loosely) man. Did she not know the kind of man she was dealing with AFTER the first child?

    Yes, I have been in an abusive relationship, but I had someone tell me to my face I needed to get out. And, yes I have suffered through depression, and to the point of taking my own life, but that wont solve anything. Black women need to WAKE UP and stop settling for LESS that what we are worth.

    My heart goes to the surviving child, because he has to carry this burden for the rest of his life. As for the young lady's family, THEY KNEW this guy was a piece of $**t, and like the saying goes, a leopard can't change it spots. They could have had a separate memorial service for those babies, instead of fighting, CELEBRATE the lives of those lost.

    • Ms. Jay

      As a matter of fact I have been deceived by a man before, and instead of worrying about him, I thought about my self and left. I chose to leave my toxic relationship, because I knew it would have led me to take my own life. Plenty of women and men have been fooled by someone, but guess what… that is NO reason to do what she did.

      What kept me from taking my own life was, I was reminded of the things and people I had to live for! The mother should have looked into her children's eyes and saw her propose in life. She did know the type of man she was dealing with, because she took out a order of protection on him. Also, wasn't this the same man who left his children unattended so he can chase some tail?? Come on now!

      I course we all can judge her, and him, but we were not there but I think the mother should have went a different direction to get out of her dark place.

      Im just sayin…

      • brandi

        Even if you have been in that position before, you're not every person. Everyone doesn't have the same opportunities or support.

        • Loved1

          i can't agree w/u. every person in this life has a choice. she had family she could have turned to, there are organizations that she could have turned to, she could have went to see a shrink, and she could have turned to the healing power of God. it's sad but there is a lesson in there for other young women and i hope this young male caught the lesson on how to treat the people you claim to love.

  • Casual STalker

    he should have no any of whats going on…smh
    …Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!

    • jesse

      This is one Trifling Idiot, enough said.