My name is Toya Sharee and I’m a fag hag. Let’s be clear, in no way do I throw this term around offensively, but strictly in the most affectionate way possible. And honestly, if you haven’t met the Will to your Grace or Stanford to your Carrie Bradshaw, you are missing out on what might be one of your funniest, fabulous and frankly friendliest friendships.
Female friendships have always been rather difficult for me. It all stems from an incident in high school where I specifically remember my best friend at the time telling me that I could not meet her latest romantic interest because, “He might like you and not want to talk to me anymore.” So let me get this straight: I can’t hang out with my best friend and her man, because his inner douche bag might float to the surface, even though I in no way, shape or form would ever entertain it? Point taken.
Yes, I could be called “that girl” who often shies away from an entourage of femme fatales and usually rolls solo with the exception of a few close allies whose loyalty and authenticity have proven the test of time. But along the way I’ve had my share of smiles and well-wishes which I surely discovered were facades for something a bit more sinister. I’m not the only one whose had the “Single Black Female” friend whose casual conversations are actually a covert operation to gather info about your life and relationships so that she can make what’s your’s, her’s. Then there’s “Misery Loves Company” who has ultimately decided that all men are trifling and unworthy. She takes every opportunity to pick at the flaws of your relationship with a fine-toothed comb in a campaign to convince you to give up, just as she has. Oh and let’s not forget the “Mrs. Me Too’s” who truly believe they are creating their own style and making up for a lack of creativity by buying everything in your closet…in a different color.
I am not too close-minded to admit that I have issues when it comes to female friendships and my judgment is tainted. Maybe I have poor taste in friends, but my experiences have convinced me that friendships with females aren’t exactly “friendly.” They usually require a lot of work to maintain and are usually filled with their share of drama and competition. That’s not to say that I don’t believe that a true healthy friendship can be shared between females, I just have yet to witness one for myself.