Before You Get Married: Things You Should Do For Yourself Before You Jump The Broom
Marriage, if done right, is a beautiful thing. In fact, I want to experience the beauty of marriage. I want to wake up to the same person every day, go to bed with the same person every night, and spend the rest of my life, experiencing my life, with someone else.
But not just yet.
There is a social media hashtag going around among African-American women encouraging us to travel, and that resonates with me right now. It goes by #seesomeworld.
Basically, I want to see some more of the world as a single girl, experience a few more single girl things, and get to know myself a little more before I become ‘one’ with someone else. Some people opt for marrying at a young age. There is nothing wrong with that if it works for you. But I’ve never been an advocate for marrying until you’ve become a whole person on your own and lived a life worth bragging about to yourself.
With that being said, I think women should consider the following things before jumping the broom. Some of them I’ve done, others I’m still checking off my list.
Of course, when love knocks, you can’t keep it waiting if you feel ready, so you may not get a chance to do all of these things. But just in case, here are some you should consider doing in the meantime.
Travel The World As A Single Girl
Of course you can and should travel with your significant other. But before you get hitched, it’s good to travel the world as a single girl. It is truly a different experience. See some world and experience different cultures before you settle down.
Learn to Cook Three Go-To-Meals (Or More)
I am not a fan of the idea that women must know how to feed their men to keep them. If cooking isn’t your thing, don’t cook. Every relationship is different and every man expects different things from his lady. While I choose to cook for myself and eventually plan to do so for my man, I understand that some women choose not to. And that’s fine.
I don’t think women should be confined to ‘gender roles’ if they disagree with them. However, I do think it’s a good idea to have at least two or three go-to-meals that you can whip up for you and your significant other, and in the meantime, for yourself.
Get Out of Debt
If you don’t want a man who is in debt, you shouldn’t bring your debt into a marriage. It’s best to at least start paying off debt before getting married, because statistics show that at least 45 percent of marriages end in divorce because of financial issues. Plus, you don’t want to depend on him to charge or sign for everything simply because your credit is jacked up.
Have a “Healthy” Emergency Fund Ready
Before you get married you should try to have a healthy amount of money in your savings account and emergency fund. You don’t want to be in a position where you depend solely on your husband for money.
Now some women may disagree and say that a man is supposed to be a provider. I don’t totally disagree with this notion. However, you should never let what a man has be the only thing that you have. You never know what can happen. Plus, this teaches you how to manage or save money before you’re married so that you won’t be frivolous with the dollars you accumulate together.
If you haven’t had your heart broken, chances are you don’t know how to handle heartbreak. And as unfortunate as it can be, a broken heart strengthens you and allows you to appreciate the good because you have experienced the bad.
While love isn’t supposed to hurt, especially in something as sacred as marriage, there is a chance that you and your spouse will have hurtful moments between the two of you. You should be able to handle these times. A broken heart simply prepares you for whatever may come.
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Be Happy Alone
I strongly believe this. You should absolutely love time alone before you decide to spend most of your time with someone else. You want to make sure that you’re comfortable spending time with yourself and that you’re not getting married because you can’t stand being alone. Plus, you don’t want to be that needy wife who doesn’t know what to do with herself when her man has a guys’ night out. Enjoy yourself before you learn to enjoy someone else. Point. Blank. Period.
Date Someone Who Isn’t ‘Your Type’
You’ve known for quite some time the kind of man you want to marry. Or at least you think you’ve known. Before getting married you should date at least one man who you don’t considered your type. Why? Because he will either help you open your mind to something new or at least confirm what you already knew.
Have A Seasonal Fling
Every woman should have a guy that she spends spontaneous moments with. You knew there was a chance that nothing more would manifest outside of the fun times, but nonetheless, it was fun. Whether it be a vacation boo or a quick rebound date or two, having a fling (this doesn’t always include sex) allows you to let your hair down and simply appreciate moments with no strings attached.
Chase Your Dream Job
You don’t have to be at the top of the career ladder in order to be married. However, what I do believe is that you should at least be on the path to chasing that job you really want. You don’t want to get in a marriage and feel as if you have less time to make your dreams happen. That could lead to a feeling of resentment towards your partner. So before you say “I Do,” establish your career or at least be on the path to chasing one.
Live On Your Own
Before you live with someone else, you should have lived alone for at least a year. That way you can understand your own habits and know how to take care of a household. Living alone also teaches you a level of independence that you should experience at least once in life.
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Do Something Adventurous
Unleash your inner dare devil before you tie the knot. Do something adventurous or cross something exciting off your bucket list.
Have A Wild Girls’ Night Out
Whether it’s a wild night out in Vegas with the girls or a crazy night out where you don’t come home until the wee hours of the morning, before you get married, you should have a night out that is worth keeping a secret among you and your friends. Whether it’s in your 20s or 30s, this should be something you experience at least once before you jump the broom.