Creepy Much? 10 Things NOT To Do With A Potential New Boo
It’s been a while since I’ve been on the dating scene, and I can’t say that I miss it much. While the adrenaline rush of meeting an attractive, funny, smart new guy always left me on cloud nine, there were the inevitable letdowns after discovering that he wasn’t all that he was cracked up to be. That’s when I learned that taking it slow and not rushing all in was the best course of action when deciding if that new guy was worth sticking around for. And if he is, I also quickly learned how NOT to freak him out and send him running in the other direction. Too much too soon is a turnoff. I know it’s hard not to excited about a new prospect, but there is a certain etiquette to be learned when dealing with a potential new boo. If you don’t want to freak him out, here’s what NOT to do.
Texting Too Soon
You meet in the mall, the club, at a mutual friend’s wedding – wherever – and you hit it off big time. He types your name and number into his phone with the intent of calling you the next day…or the day after that. So imagine his surprise when his phone beeps and he sees your name pop up in his text messages…before he’s had a chance to leave the mall, the club…or is still at the wedding reception. At least wait until the next day to text him. Otherwise, you just appear stalker’ish.
Texting Too Much
Worse than texting too soon…is texting too much! It’s one thing to type a short little message saying “hello” or “how are you doing today?” – but it’s another to type a dissertation on how your day went and how much you really like him and hope that you two can meet up soon because you really dig his vibe and yada, yada, yada…hours on end. Keep it short and sweet in the beginning – especially by text. If you have a lot to say, then call him.
Calling, and Calling…and Calling Some More
However, if you’re going to call him, don’t overdo it. More annoying then texting too much is CALLING too much. You don’t want him to look down at his phone disgusted that it is you…calling once again. Give the man a chance to call you back! And if you leave voicemail messages each time you call, that’s the surest way to get your number blocked.
Blowing Up His Social Media
Maybe you didn’t exchange numbers yet but you connected on social media. The one good thing about social media is it gives stalkers a chance to lurk without being noticed. That is, unless of course you “like” or comment on every status, post or photo he has on his Instagram, Twitter or Facebook page. If you’re going to track his every move on social media, do so anonymously. Resist the urge to splash his page with your presence every chance you get. Until he changes his relationship status to “in a relationship” – and that relationship is with you – then limit your posts and “likes” on his page until y’all are cool like that.
Showing Up Everywhere He Is
During your initial chat, he mentioned that he likes to frequent a certain bar or museum, or maybe he mentioned where he works. Don’t creep him out by “accidentally” showing up there the next day. The whole “oh, I was just in the neighborhood” line is played out…and very transparent. Nothing will send him running in the other direction faster than thinking he has to put a restraining order out against you.
Giving Gifts Too Soon
Everyone likes receiving gifts, but receiving them from someone you just met can either be flattering, or just plain weird. A woman may think it’s romantic to receive flowers from a new guy. But if you splurge on a guy just after you meet, he may think you’re so desperate that you need to buy his affection. Let him do the wooing with gifts…in due time. There is nothing wrong with showing a guy that you like him, but put it in a Hallmark card…not on your credit card.
Missing Him…Even Though You Just Met
You’ve been hitting it off nicely with the new guy you just met a couple of weeks ago, and then he tells you that he has to go on a little business trip, or is going skiing with his boys for the weekend. Resist the urge to tell him how much you’ll miss him, even if you will. It’s too soon to experience separation anxiety from someone you just met, even if you’ve been spending every day together since then. A little space is healthy in a relationship…whether the relationship is brand new, or a few years in. Tell him to have fun and you’ll check him when he gets back. Give him a chance to miss YOU.
Wanting Friends and Family to Meet
If you met him out with friends, then he may have already been briefly introduced to your girls – or vice versa. But don’t try to bring him around mom and dad or to a friend’s wedding before you’ve had a chance to really get to know him. That may make him really uncomfortable, and rightfully so. If you’re not sure if it’s too soon, follow his lead. Let him make the introductions first.
Pushing Sex Too Soon
Hey, sex on the first date isn’t as taboo as once thought – and if you’re both consenting adults, then go for it and be safe. And while it may seem that men are usually the ones who push for sex too soon, women can be just as forward, if not more so than some men…which may make him think you’re like that with ALL the men you meet. If you are and you don’t care what he thinks, then so be it – he probably won’t turn you down. But if you don’t want to give off the wrong impression, then save the sexy innuendo or straight raunchiness for when you’ve known each other a little longer and a little better.
Talking About Marriage and Children
I don’t believe in wasting anyone’s time – especially my own – so it’s understandable to want to know if a guy you’re interested in wants to get married and have children one day. Some of us aren’t dating for sport. But the first date…or even the second or third…isn’t the time to have serious discussions about where you’ll spend your honeymoon or what you’ll name your first-born. If the subject comes up organically in conversation, then flow with it. But don’t push it if you haven’t even been dating a month yet. You’ll know sooner than you think if he wants the same things you want if you just take your time and get to know him. It’ll come out naturally – and then you can decide if he is worth taking it to the next level…or not.