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Is dating a man with kids a no-no, even if he has shown you that he might be a great catch?

I know a young woman who has had a hard time in the last few “situationships” she’s found herself in. Either the guys have been scumbag liars or just a little too lazy when it comes to courting (and in one case, a guy was obsessively clingy). At this point, she’s pretty fed up and doesn’t plan to settle for anything less than the best.

But during an outing with another friend recently, she met a guy she vibed with very easily. He was handsome and very much into her. And since he wasn’t doing the absolute most, she entertained his advances–that is, until he informed her that he was a single dad who had gone through a divorce.

Despite what he’d been through, the guy stated that he and his ex-wife keep their focus on their 6-year-old son, and he made it clear to my friend that he’s excited about finding love and getting married again in the near future.

The guy has a great job, takes good care of his son and seemed sweet, but to my friend, he had already lost his spot in the potential boo section of her mind. Remember that 6-year-old son I was telling you about? Well, she doesn’t want to date a man with kids. Nope. No thank you.

I was surprised when my friend told me this, considering that she’s always given me Suzy Homemaker vibes: she cooks her a** off, she bakes, she loves kids, and she knits very chunky and luxurious scarves. Ironically, the day she told me about this guy, she also told me that I should have come by her place because she baked and seasoned an entire chicken. But the thing about her is that while she loves and wants kids, she wants her own kidsNot someone else’s babies, and not someone else’s babies that come with a possible angry ex and a boatload of drama. I can understand that.

But others? Not so much. At almost 30, her other friends and family members feel that as she gets older, it will be harder to find a man who doesn’t have a kid or some baggage. Considering that she wants to get married soon, she shouldn’t be so…picky.

But my friend disagrees:

“Just because I’m getting older people think I’m supposed to be so gracious that this guy gave me the time of day and settle for just about anything,” she said. “But that’s not happening.”

I agree that she shouldn’t go into something that she knows she doesn’t want. If you have a rule book that you really want to follow in order to find someone you’re compatible with, then yeah, ignoring the one major thing you didn’t want in a mate probably doesn’t make a lot of sense. And let’s not forget that children are a big responsibility. When they come with the package, you can’t just ignore them if you don’t immediately hit it off or find yourself being fully embraced and happily called “mom.” If you know you’re not maternal like that and have no interest in kids, run for the hills.

But that’s not the type of woman my friend is, and for that reason, I told her that I thought that she should have given him a chance. Not out of desperation. But out of the fact that she vibed with him, they had great conversation, and a lot in common–aside from the whole kid thing. And honestly, I’m not a fan of looking at every man you meet as a possible future husband, so when he doesn’t have every ounce of what you want, you can’t even entertain a date with him. In this whole dating game, the early stages should be about having fun and genuinely getting to know a person. So if after a date or two she realized that they weren’t compatible, then she would know for sure that she made the right decision. But you never know when the people you don’t think you’ll connect with will end up turning into people you find true happiness with. You never know when you could be missing out on a good thing.

However, I understand why my friend is hesitant to give this guy a chance, and I’m not just referring to the fact that he has a growing boy on his hands. She did just come out of some very complex and hurtful situations with a few guys who brought her nothing but stress. With that in mind, it makes sense that she would run from the first so-called flaw that stands out on the first guy she meets after all that drama. But to me, being a devoted dad, a sweet guy, and an individual who hasn’t become bitter or given up on love after divorce is a strong point, and worth a shot. Or at least a chat over coffee.

But that’s just my opinion. How about you? Is this a petty problem? Or is there nothing wrong with not wanting to date a nice guy who just so happens to have kids?

 

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