At some point, folks really need to start thinking about their happiness.
I am in no way an expert on marriage, but I do know a thing or two about healthy and happy relationships. I’m blessed to say my guy and I have been together for seven years and are coming up on our third wedding anniversary. As a child of divorce, it was a bit difficult at first to navigate our life as husband and wife given I didn’t have the best example growing up. Even with my parents’ split, I’m happy they did what they could to put their differences aside and develop a healthy co-parenting partnership that was void of drama.
I just wish some people in my camp would get it together. I’m really tired of hearing about the same old problems.
We have a close family friend who has been married to his wife for five years — and for five years he has done nothing but complain about his situation. Come to think of it, the brother was complaining before he got married which should have been a red flag. Aside from being annoying (he’s a grown man who married younger), we all can’t help but wonder why he’s staying with his wife if she’s really that bad. From what we know, she doesn’t cook, clean or enjoy physical encounters if you know what I mean. After several failed attempts to reignite their flame through therapy, nothing appears to be working. The two have a child together, which I think is one of the main reasons he’s trying so hard to stick it out. Even though he makes more money and their home is his, he thinks she will take their son away and he won’t get equal custody or visitation. He’s also nervous she’ll take him to the cleaners.
Is it really cheaper to keep her–or him if the roles were reversed?
I always thought that concept applied to folks who made some serious money, but I guess not. It’s one thing to try and stay in a relationship for the sake of your child, but in most cases, that can do more harm than good–considering how unhealthy the relationship will become over time. My father has two marriages under his belt with the last costing him dearly. Even though he knew in the back of his head he shouldn’t have said “I do,” he made the decision to couple up with a woman who had no problems expressing her love for gold (to say the least). While their divorce set him back financially — to the point of almost filing for bankruptcy — he knew his sanity and well-being were more important. After years of saving, he’s currently enjoying the retired life in a new home free of debt… and my former stepmother.
If there was ever a moral to this story, it’s to figure out how compatible you are with someone before you get into a marriage. In addition to their quarrels and arguments, these two don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to finances. He saves, she spends. Money is one of the top reasons why folks split, but apparently it could be the thing keeping these two together. Sometimes financial backlash is an investment worth taking–especially if you have the time and will to better your situation.
Who knows what will happen to these two. Hopefully others won’t make the same mistakes, or at least learn from them should they happen. Here are some reads that might help in this arena:
The Financial Kiss of Death? There’s More to Marriage Than a Fancy Wedding
When the Future of Marriage is Over Before it Begins: Financial Tips for Calling Off a Wedding
