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So by now if you’re familiar with my taste in TV, you know my guilty pleasure are the ladies featured on Lifetime’s Little Women: LA. The reality show is no different than Basketball Wives or Love and Hip Hop as a group of twenty and thirty-somethings navigate dating, friendship and motherhood with all the added challenges that being a dwarf can bring. Once you get past the height requirement you’ll find the same catty arguments, competitive relationships, and drink throwing that you’ll find on any VH-1 line up.

(**Warning: Spoiler Alert) Last week’s show featured cast mates Terra and Christy going head to head after Terra suspects Christy created unnecessary drama by revealing to friend Traci that Terra is pregnant. Traci has been trying desperately to get pregnant, and Christy who is known for pitting the friends against one another in the past defends her action saying that she wanted to prepare Traci for Terra’s big news since she felt she might feel resentful or jealous that she failed to get pregnant first. Terra ends up calling out Traci for being shady in a big blow up by a friendly bonfire, where Christy’s husband’s Todd runs to her defense. When Traci’s husband Erik’s suggest that Todd let the ladies hash it out on their own, Todd insists that a real man defends his woman, even if it is to her own friends.

Hmm…I can’t completely disagree with where Todd is coming from, but I must admit it’s always made me look at a man funny when he’s involved in drama and cat fights. As stereotypical as it may be, I’m used to men solving their problems with a few cuss words and clowning each other’s sex lives before having a beer over a game of 2K and forgetting why they were mad in the first place. When a guy gets overly involved in the “he said, she said” my respect for him instantly drops down a few notches.

I guess at the end of the day it’s less about what gender you are and more about maturity. Someone has to be the voice of reason and as much as I want my husband to have my back in situations where I feel I may be surrounded by snakes, I also need him to sit me down and be blunt about when I’m being a b**ch.  It’s important for couples to know their place in the partners’ relationships. Some situations don’t require your input and are best left worked out among those directly involved. There are three sides to every story: the person you love’s version, the other person’s point of view and the truth and it’s natural to side with the person you sleep next to every night. But just because you love them, doesn’t mean that they’re right. At the end of the day as much as I may not want my husband to be hurt, he’s a grown ass man and to some extent, can fight his own battles.

You also have to be ready to accept all the things you may not want to hear when everyone has kissed and made up. It’s all good when your better half is on the front line with you because you’ve decided you collectively hate your girl Tamika, but what about when you and Tamika decide to squash it and your man still remembers how upset she made you and all the times HE had to wipe away your tears? You can’t expect other people to forgive those who have caused you pain, just because you’ve decided you’re over it.

My husband is truly my right hand and I most definitely want him to back me up when it counts, but the truth is I know my friends best and it’s unfair to allow him to bully them when the beef is clearly between me and them. When you allow your man to fight your battles, boundaries get crossed that aren’t easy to come back from and he may start to believe he has license to disrespect your friends. It can leave you in an awkward position in the middle exploring where your loyalties lie. You don’t want to create an environment where your man is comfortable talking to your friends however he feels like. At the end of the day how your partner treats those you chose to have in your life says as much about the respect he has for you, as what he has for your friends.

Does your man get involved in you and your friends’ affairs?

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

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