Should A Woman Ever Propose To A Man?

April 18th, 2011 - By Dr. Phoenyx Austin

A short while ago I wrote How To Let A Man Be A Man. And that article created much debate here on Madame Noire. So for this article I wanted to revisit one of the things I wrote about- letting a man propose.

As seen from the comments submitted on How To Let A man Be A Man, particularly from male commenters on Madame Noire, it is quite obvious that many young black men have adopted a different set of values and gender roles when compared to previous generations. Do I think that’s a good thing? Absolutely not.

We have young men that don’t know how to be men. And we have young women who don’t know how to recognize a real man. Plus we have the highest rate young men coming from fatherless homes and young women taking on single motherhood. So it makes me wonder if all these things will eventually drive many young black women to believe that they must, among other things, now desperately ask a man for his hand in marriage if they want to have any chance at securing a traditional family unit.

Ladies, while I think it’s perfectly fine for a woman to bring up the subject of marriage, and highly advisable for a couple to discuss the topic of marriage before a proposal, I want to reiterate that it is the man’s duty to get down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage. Ladies, don’t believe any hype that a man tries to sell you about us being “equals” and how “a woman can propose too.” A real man wants the honor of getting down on his knee and asking his woman to marry him. A real man does not want you to take that away from him.

I stand behind all the things I wrote in How To Let A Man Be A Man- particularly the marriage proposal part. In fact, I had discussions with male friends (married and single) and they all agreed that every bit of advice that I offered in that article was on point. Furthermore, one of my married male friends even remarked that the requirements in How To Let A Man Be A Man were actually the “bare minimum on what women should expect from men” and that I was “setting the bar pretty low for men.”

With all that being stated, I now want to ask all you ladies a couple questions:

Do you think there’s anything wrong with a woman proposing to a man?

Would you ever propose to your boyfriend if he wasn’t taking the initiative to propose to you?

Sound off.

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  • Clif

    Who says that proposing to a woman makes you a man? I know plenty men who have proposed to their wives but dont want to work, cook, clean, or take care of their family at all.
    Woman want to grow, want the right to vote as men, be treated as equals, wear pants, and work.. but then when it comes to marriage, all of a sudden, lets go back to how things used to be?
    I dont feel there’s anything wrong with a woman proposing to a man… it doesnt mean you’re desperate.
    When a man proposes to a women.. does that mean he’s desperate too? What if he’s ready and the woman isnt?.. now he’s waiting for her. What is she supposed to do.. say, “hey, im ready.. you cant propose now”..?
    Im pretty sure that would ruin the whole experience.
    Women want a confident, strong man.. a man that can take charge. But men also want a woman that confident, self sufficient, and knows what she wants from life. So my thing is, PROPOSING IS NO ONES RESPONSIBILITY ANYMORE. This is a new era, and if you want cop out to “tradition”.. then women, stop voting, stop wearing pants, and be stay home wives.. as per “tradition”. Its all or nothing, you either want to be seen as equals or you dont. And to me, being equals mean we HAVE THE RIGHT TO, and share the same responsibilities and values of life. IN ALL ASPECTS.

  • Diamond in the Ruff

    This is an excellent topic… I would never ask a man to marry me. How could I lower my standards or myself in that way. I have children (girls and boys) and I definately wouldnt want to teach them the opposite of the biblical instructions from our GOD. I had an old boyfriend who tried that with me…telling me I had to ask but he wanted to get married. Was he brain dead? I dont know… but biblically it states " A man that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the LORD". I would not dare step out of those boundaries at any time. A man know who he loves, adores and who he cant spend the rest of his life with out. He knows before the woman does. I will have to allow him to have his manhood. Question remains…how long do you stay with a man who will not propose after many years? I believe in letting things take their course but seriously…how long?

  • reginarenee

    in the book of Good News our father in heaven say a man who find a wife finds a good thing! not a women!

  • Smiley

    Hell no i think thats a man job too do..I mean really a woman gonna buy her own wedding ring thats crazy….but theres some out there thats do thats im not judgeing no one my opinon hell until a man (the rite one) proposes to me hell i be unmarried to the day i die

  • BritNNY

    I think when a man is ready for marriage he will propose period. If he is asked and feels cornered he may just say yes.. because he feels like he has to… but utimately he will resent the woman for taking that lead, those feelings may not manifest right away, it maybe 5 years, 10 years down the road but it will come forth, in some form or fashion, those feeling will surface. African American men are not allowed to demonstrate their kingship in so many places..why should we take this away from them as well.. Let a man be a man. If he want to marry you he will let you know, just my opinion.