You’re at the “right” age (maybe a little past it according to certain snarky family members), your guy is pretty amazing and you have no doubts about your love for him, but are you really ready to commit to someone for the rest of your life? That’s something heavy on the mind of Paula Patton’s character in “Jumping the Broom” (May 6, 2011 release) as she contemplates marrying Laz Alonso’s character after a whirlwind romance. How well does she know this (extraordinarily gorgeous) man? Does he have any big terrible secrets?
Of course each situation is different, but here’s a list of questions you should be able to say “Yes” to before you start your happily ever after.
Do you and your man share the same goals as far as having children?
If one person definitely wants kids and one person does not, that is just disaster (and a divorce) waiting to happen. Convincing the other person one way or another doesn’t sound like a good idea either, so if you and your sugar bear are on opposite ends of the wanting kids spectrum, you might just want to cut your losses and forget about tying the knot. It will be painful, but much less painful than entering into a marriage doomed for failure.
Do you know how good he is at managing money?
Wouldn’t it be awful to not find out until after you’re married that your fiancé has a wicked gambling problem or that he doesn’t have a savings account or that he pays his rent late every month so he can buy new sneakers? Don’t let that be you, Madame! Have a sit down discussion about money. No question is too probing! You two will be exchanging rings and sharing credit histories, so put everything out there. Make a plan to figure out who will be responsible for what as far as household bills and investments.
Does his family respect you?
Some people luck up with amazing in-laws–other people, not so much. It’s possible that all of his family members might not unabashedly adore you, but you do need them to at least respect your role as your man’s chosen life partner. The last thing you want is for your fiancé to feel like he has to choose between you and a family member.
Do you know if he expects you to be a stay-at-home mother/wife?
This might sound like some 1950s throwback, but some men today expect for their wives to stop working once they get married and/or have children. If you don’t have an explicit conversation about that, you might get an unpleasant surprise.
Do you respect each other’s religious beliefs?
Lots of folks these days marry people of a different faith than themselves. Whatever your beliefs, you and your partner must have a mutual respect for each other’s religious/spiritual beliefs and practices. Does he expect you to go to the mosque every week? Will you be mad if he doesn’t go to Bible study with you? Are you willing to keep up with the customs of all the Jewish holidays? These are things to think about.
This is hardly an exhaustive list, but if you answered “No” to any of these questions, you my dear, are not ready to jump the broom just yet.
Did you almost marry someone, but it just didn’t happen? How did you know it wasn’t what you should do?