I was having a discussion with a friend recently, and she told me a story that was quite interesting, so I had to share it. So she has a girlfriend from high school who has been going through some tough financial times. She lost her job, a pretty good one, and has been having a hard time keeping up with her bills after a few months of relying on what she had saved. She lost that job three months ago, and she’s struggled to find something new in her field since then.
While dealing with all of this, she is also trying to make a relationship work, one that she is about seven months into. The young woman and her boyfriend get along pretty well and he treats her nice, but she has one big problem: She’s mad at the fact that her boyfriend hasn’t really offered to help her take care of some of her bills during this tough time. But should he?
Money is funny, and when you start sharing it in a relationship, it can make things between two people pretty complicated. Some women are interested in finding a man who will help them pay their bills and keep up a certain lifestyle. You know, drop a few dollars here and there to help you get your nails done, your hair done, pay your car note–nothing too expensive, but things that will keep you happy and save you a few dollars.
In the middle there are the women who are in relationships and pay their own bills, but don’t mind when their boyfriend buys them nice things just because. A bag here, a shirt there–a little something something just to show that you are being thought of and are appreciated.
And then there is the group of women who aren’t a fan of any of that. Paying for dates and surprising someone with cute gifts sometimes is one thing, but some aren’t comfortable with accepting handouts and having guys trying to help them pay their way. I’m in that category, and even when I joke about my boyfriend helping me pay my hefty cable bill (because a gal has to have her premium channels), when he offers to, I don’t feel right, so I just say no.
Sometimes a guy offering to help you here and there with your finances can be sweet, especially if they offer to do so occasionally and do it out of appreciation. But you never know when such offers can turn into a way for someone to feel like they’re controlling you and to treat you that way. So for me, it’s often best to wait to do all of that sharing of money until you’re actually sharing a last name. But that’s just me.
As for my friend’s troubled girlfriend, what do you think she should do? To me, if she really needs money, I would try and go through other available avenues in the meantime, specifically family or close friends if necessary. Her relationship with this man hasn’t gone on long enough for him to help her with big financial responsibilities, or to have those expectations put on him to do so. But if she isn’t wishing, hoping and praying for his money, and is simply mad that he hasn’t offered to make an effort to contribute because it shows that he won’t be a supportive partner in the long-term, that might be a conversation they need to have and straighten out. Last thing you want is to be married to a stingy man…
But what do you think? Is it petty for her to feel this way? After less than a year of dating, should you be leaning on your boyfriend or girlfriend for financial help? What about when you’re going through a hard time? Talk about it.
