As a freelance writer for Madamenoire.com, it’s my job to keep up with what’s going on in the world, especially pop culture. So it’s no wonder I peruse the site daily as one of my sources of information. While I don’t necessarily delight in the personal business of celebrities, I do pay attention, and this thing with Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran went from being exhausting to downright sad. Not that I know the intricacies of their relationship, but from what they show us on social media, there are several lessons to be learned about “oversharing” that we all can probably relate to.
I’m not one to state my business on Facebook or Instagram. When my husband and I have a fight, nothing about sharing any details of it is appealing to me. But I am also not one to share in private unless it’s something I really need some insight on. I used to be one of those women who would call up my sister and girlfriends as soon as a guy did something to upset me or piss me off. Now, I keep my mouth shut unless it’s a dire situation that I need guidance on, or if the relationship is over. And I mean OVER.
While Karrueche was saying she was finally done with Chris Brown, many doubted that she actually meant it. Why? Because she kept going back. And why was this an issue with her “fans”? Because she kept airing their dirty laundry. Now, of course this is all speculation from outsiders looking in – but when you invite people into your relationships, they’re going to have an opinion. If this is true of “celebrities” and “fans,” then it is definitely true in our real life inner circles. Part of the reason I don’t overshare to my family and friends is because I know they love me and only want the best for me. So telling them all about the jerk things my boyfriends used to do only made them hate my boyfriends. So when I’d make up with these boyfriends and squash all our beef, it only made me look silly for staying with them, because all my family and friends knew (or would choose to remember) was all the negative, none of the positive. Suddenly, I was the fool who stayed with jerks when what I really was…was a woman who talked too much.
When I started seeing my now husband, I decided to change all of my past behaviors when it comes to oversharing. My sister was the perfect model for me to emulate. She and her husband have been married for 14 years, together for 17, and I can probably count on one hand how many fights they’ve had. And they were silly fights…more like annoyances. Nothing she’s ever told me about him painted him in a negative light. Instead, she shares stories of how he caters to her and their children, what a devoted man he is, and how much he loves and respects her and God. Now I’m sure he’s done SOMETHING in the past 17 years that has made her angry, upset her, or disappointed her. When I asked her about it, she said “Of course! But he’s my husband and I love and respect him and divorce is not an option, and what goes on in our marriage stays between us.” And it made total sense to me. If they’re never getting divorced, why even bother sharing? Why possibly make anyone look at him negatively when she loves him and will never leave him?
From that point I decided to be very careful about what I shared in my relationship, and with whom I shared it. That’s not to say that I’ve haven’t called a friend for advice or leaned on my sister to help me get through a rough patch. I have. I think women tend to do this because women respond to stress by releasing oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that produces a calming effect and helps them bond with others. We feel better when we talk over our problems, and we know we’ll most likely receive empathy from women who have been through what we’ve been through or who can offer solutions or advice…or a much needed reality check. Now, I know only to share if I’m truly willing to listen, TAKE that advice or swallow my pride when I know they’re going to tell me something I don’t want to hear.
So that being said, I limit almost all of my social media posts to photos of my son or comments about Scandal on Thursday nights. And when it comes to private conversations, I try my best to be judicious about what information I share about my relationship, how I share it, and who I ask for advice if I seek it outside of my relationship. After all, if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s this – talk too much, and your words may come back to haunt you.
