Is This Petty? My Man Gives Not Just Bad Gifts, But Terrible Ones…

December 22, 2014  |  

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As the saying goes, “It’s the thought that counts” when it comes to giving out gifts. However, have you ever received a gift from your partner that made you want to say, “Seriously, what were you thinking?”

With Christmas a few days away and only a few opportunities left to go out and get something nice for your loved ones, I thought this would be a good time to discuss this particular issue that some women face.

In most cases, we can overlook gifts from our significant other that don’t really excite or even please us. Some people just aren’t that great when it comes to gift exchanging, but you know in your heart that they tried.

But then there are those cases where it seems like year after year, the gifts get worse and worse. Your partner gets you gifts that you never, may I add, EVER, showed an interest in or expressed a desire for. And despite spending a great deal of your hard-earned dollars on a gift that he loves and appreciates, he gets you something that just doesn’t make much sense and doesn’t cost much at all. Need examples?

Like the towels my friend’s cousin’s husband bought her for Christmas last year.

The step stool a commenter on CNN.com said her ex-husband gave her.

The vacuum cleaner a New Yorker said her man thought would be a cute gift: “I used it, but I was hoping for something more romantic.”

A boring practical gift bought on the day of a woman’s birthday.

And how could I forget the book of sex tips?

Seriously, these are all examples of gifts women have said they received from their man or their ex-man in the past. And while these guys might have meant well…no, just no.

Early on in a relationship, it’s something you shrug off and try not to take personally. But what do you do when you start to feel like the gifts your man gives you are less about what you like and want, and more about what’s easiest, cheapest and most convenient for them to give? When you start to realize that it’s not necessarily the value of your gift that bothers you, but not feeling valued?

Well, you should think first before you freak out, because your man could truly just be a bad gifter who needs a little (or a lot of) help when it comes to hooking you up for the holidays. Or hey, maybe he doesn’t have a lot of money to spend. Are his gifts bad, but he treats you well and is sweet and sentimental a majority of the time? Outside of birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day, does he surprise you with his thoughtfulness and make you feel special? If he does all of that and more, you might want to cut him some slack. These holidays are just a few days out of the year and don’t account for the rest of the time and the love you receive.

If you come to this particular realization, then it might be time to be more straightforward about gifts you want in the future. That includes coming up with a list (not too long and not too pricey) of gifts he can choose from that are absolutely you. That could also include asking a friend or relative to help him out so that his aim won’t be so off. And in the case of women who spend a grip on their man but feel that gifts they receive are a little cheap, you can come up with a price range that you both want to stay at and not go under (old-school secret Santa style). If worst comes to worst, you can always tell him what you specifically want when his track record has proven to be less than stellar. Hell, less than decent.

But if your issues are deeper and you actually feel fed up, this is something worth discussing with your partner. In a calm way, you should find a way to relay to him that it’s not really about the gifts, but the fact that you don’t feel like the gifts you’ve been given are really being bought and shared with much thought and consideration. In a new relationship, these type of things are understandable, but years in the game? It’s time to speak up and let him know that at a certain point, he might need to do a lot less thinking and lot more listening.

But what do you think? How do you deal with a bad gifter? Or, is this a ‘petty problem’ not worth getting worked up about?

Either way…Happy Holidays!

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