5 Unhealthy Things Women Often Do For Love

April 6th, 2011 - By Dr. Phoenyx Austin

Most people, men and women, do want love- and that’s a great goal to have.  But are you in a relationship where you continually find yourself going the distance because you think you’re in “love.” Have you ever done unhealthy things or made unhealthy sacrifices for someone you thought you loved? Sometimes we women will stretch ourselves to the limit- all in the name of “love.” And it can to turn out to be quite unhealthy and unhappy for us because sometimes what we think is love really isn’t. And sometimes the one we love doesn’t truly deserve the love we have to give.

Remember this: There is always an emotional and even physical cost to being in love. But there are also wonderful benefits if you’ve found real love. Real love is something that involves work and sacrifice, but it also something that enriches and elevates you to an even better place. It isn’t something where you have to do unhealthy and compromising things to obtain or maintain it.

So before you make any decision for love, think about the cost and benefit. Why? Because your love is too precious to give to just anyone. Here are 5 unhealthy things women often do for love:

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  • WILL

    I AGREE WITH ALL EXCEPT SETTING STANDARDS, IT'S OK TO SET A TIME FRAME AND ULTIMATUMS, BUT I KNOW SOME WOMEN THAT DON'T WANT A MAN, SOME HAVE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, AND THAT WORKS FINE, SETTING "STANDARDS" OR RULES MAY MAKE THINGS A LITTLE MORE TENSE, AND GIVE ADDED PRESSURE BEFORE A MAN IS READY, NOW, PERSONAL STANDARDS ARE ALWAYS FINE FOR A WOMAN TO BE TREATED LIKE A QUEEN, BUT ANYTHING ELSE MAY BE QUESTIONABLE OR ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS

  • Barbara

    Only 5 things? You've got to be kidding.

  • Candy M.

    I fell in 4 of your warnings. We now are separate but my emotions are so depressing.How long will I get back to myself?

  • Rastaman

    I am in agreement with these points. Plus it does not attempt to excuse women of personal responsibility by blaming men for their bad choices.

    I am always very wary of women when we begin dating and they act like they have gone in the Witness Protection Program. They always act like they are giving up everything for you and if that is suppose to be flattering. It is not, one of the reasons I might like you is because you have a life outside of me.

  • fabu78

    I fall guilty of 3 and 4. At 32 you would think I should know better, but it leads into #5. I want so much to be in a relationship that I'm willing(for no other reason, chalking it up to stupidity) to settle. I know I deserve better, and I really have no explanation. I come from parents who have happily married for 37yrs. That's the love I'm looking for…

  • Diamond Life

    After reading this and me being young, I can say that I have done a couple of these things… With the help of family and friends and the love I have for myself, I was able to let that man go! I was able to understand that he was not worth my time and most of all my love… I loved this article and Lord knows I will never make the same mistakes twice…

  • MsKim0103

    I wish some of the women I’m always around would read the articles on this site. They are older then me so they say I don’t knw what I’m talking about but everything I tell them is being said in this article.

  • miz bella

    I’m goin thru this right NOW. And now I have to plot my own disappearance and carry it out….trust me I’m upset enough @ myself smh.

  • Candy

    Excellent points! Relationships aren't a construction project, so if we enter them thinking we can build a man into what we want him to be, that relationship is bound to fall apart. I read a Maya Angela quote that said "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." it was in an article similar to this one http://writingbeauties.blogspot.com/2011/03/datin… but its talking more about the *red flags* mentioned at the end. Thanks for the wonderful article. Can't wait for the next one :)

  • Eboni

    Soo on point! Love it

  • Lisa

    Great article & advice….hopefully I won’t be ‘blinded’ by love in my next relationship…blind, deaf & dumb….LOL….see I can laugh about it now.:)

    • http://www.facebook.com/DrPhoenyx Dr. Phoenyx Austin

      Glad you enjoyed the article Lisa! And happy to hear that you can laugh at your love mistakes. No need to be bitter- just pick yourself up, brush the dirt off, hold your head up high and keep moving forward into your destiny. We've all made mistakes like these and Lord knows I've had moments that I look back on and laugh too. It's life. And experience just makes us more beautiful as women ;)

  • Ashley

    Yes…Yes…YES!!!!!!! We as women MUST First LEARN how to LOVE ourselves. SOME of us have BEEN in relationship’s that were: UNHEAlTHY, DISRESPECTUL, DOMESTIC(Verbally and Physically), BUT…WE made it! And we can PREACH/TEACH to the young under us to show them that LOVE is not something to LOOK for…YOU will know that it’s there because the PRESENCE will be WARM and TENDER. I “USED” to be in love with a man…O’ how I loved that man…But that man…BARELY love himself…Loving him was like a ant(me) trying to push a rock(Making him change). So many year’s wasted..So many tear’s tasted…But, as I look back…I thank God for that trial…Because it always take’s for ONE bad apple to make you appreciate the NEXT orange hanging on the tree. Have a BLESSED day Ladies! Keep yall Head’s UP! :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/DrPhoenyx Dr. Phoenyx Austin

      Glad you liked the article Ashley. Hope you have a blessed day too :)

  • http://BOssip Roselyn green

    i feel so bad cuz its alll tru im going to call my dad now cuz i kno he loves me for me

  • Meda mi pum pum

    I agree.. Check out this article http://www.examiner.com/women-s-relationship-in-p

  • Sophia

    Preach! I truly enjoy your articles. I really wait for you to write. Please write more.

    • http://www.facebook.com/DrPhoenyx Dr. Phoenyx Austin

      Thank you Sophia! And I will definitely be writing more luv! It's such a blessing to love what I do and have such a positive impact on all of my fellow Madame Noire beauties :)

      • MS_Optimistic

        Hello,
        This is the first time i have read your article and i thank you for writing it… because it has struck a cord with me.. i am involved in a relationship, and i love this guy.. he is a great man…but there is one issue that is pulling me apart, and it is the fact that he is friends with an ex girlfriend of his, not only is she an ex, but he had bought engagement rings for her, it didnt work out and he kept the rings.. the part that gets to me is, that he was not honest about her and the type of relationship they had, and now im suppose to be okay that there friends..

        i tried to be the bigger person here and tried to be friends with her, and the moment i started talking to her she started to ask questions about my boyfriend and i, what are plans were, if i plan on moving with him and what not.. when i didnt not respond to her right away, she continued to ask several times thereafter, waiitng for a response for me. ..

    • fabu78

      I totally agree! Love her articles.

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