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So I have a confession to make: my husband and I don’t sleep in the same bed. I know for many couples out there, the thought of not sharing a marital bed is a sin. And when we first started sleeping apart, I agreed with that sentiment. When we first began living together, I quickly discovered that we were very different sleepers. He has to go to bed with the TV on, and he snores…really LOUDLY. I, on the other hand, must go to bed in silence…and I almost never snore. If I do, I’m either exhausted or sick – otherwise I sleep like a mouse.

Our fast solution was to agree to a low volume setting for the TV while I used earplugs and an eye mask. Problem solved. But then I became pregnant, and as my belly grew there was no longer any room for my belly, my 2 body pillows and him. I felt bad, because neither one of us was getting any good rest. Finally he said, “Babe, I’m gonna go sleep in the man cave.” At first I was sad and felt guilty for being the reason he felt he needed to leave our room, and he felt guilty for “abandoning” me. But one really good restful night changed all of that – for both of us. And we haven’t really slept together since then, and our son is now almost 11 months old.

Now I know that sounds bad, but let me explain. It’s not my belly anymore that’s the problem, it’s the snoring. Before I would pop in the earplugs and be fine. But once I had the baby, I couldn’t use earplugs because I had to be able to hear the baby crying. So in the man cave he stayed. I get very little sleep as a new nursing mom as it is, so I don’t want the very little sleep I DO get to be interrupted by my husband calling the cows home.

Now I know what you may be thinking – what kind of marriage can you have if you sleep in separate bedrooms? The answer? A well rested one! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we retreat to our separate quarters as soon as we get home from work. We eat dinner together, we play with our son, we lay in bed together talking or watching TV, we make love and then we kiss each other good night. And off he goes. Sometimes he’ll stay in our bed while I sleep in the bed in our son’s room. And we have accidentally fallen asleep in the same bed…only for me to nudge him one too many times before he gets up to go snore in peace in another room. Yes, I miss the nights we shared spooning and cuddling in bed all night long, but I miss sleep more. Now we spoon and cuddle until we get too tired to keep our eyes open. Then he seeks out his favorite room with his favorite couch and watches TV as loud as he wants to until he falls asleep and the TV is watching him.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who is dealing with a spouse who snores – and I’m sure I’m not the only one of a married couple who sleeps apart from her spouse. But I’m also sure there are many people who would not consider sleeping apart as an option. So, for those people who want a solution other than the one we’ve adopted, here are a few suggestions to help with the snoring situation.

1. Seek medical advice. Snoring could be symptomatic of a serious health condition, like sleep apnea or high blood pressure. Also, some people who are overweight tend to snore more, so a doctor may suggest getting your weight under control in order to lessen or stop the snoring altogether. Lastly, sometimes allergies can be the culprit. In any case, a sleep doctor may be able to get to the root of the problem.

2. Crack a window or use a cool mist humidifier. Sometimes dry air can cause snoring, so a humidifier may help. And cooler temperatures at night can make a difference as well…so let the cool night air in or turn down the heat.

3. Use nasal strips or a mouth guard. A mouth guard helps keep the air passages open so they don’t vibrate against each other– which causes the snoring. Nasal strips work similarly by keeping sinus passages more open, allowing for better breathing.

4. Elevate your head. Sometimes propping up pillows or raising the head of the bed works so that you’re sleeping with your head raised higher than your feet, making the snoring less severe. Even sleeping in an upright position stops snoring since some people tend to breathe better with their heads raised up completely.

5. Lastly, try to get more sleep! Some people snore because they’re simply exhausted, and the snoring only makes it worse. It sounds ridiculously obvious, but getting more rest actually helps you sleep better…and perhaps a little quieter.

If none of the above works, just make sure he has extra comfy pillows and a nice warm blanket in the man cave. And be sure to tuck him in with love before you go to bed. Rest well!

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