Relationship Debate: ‘I Think My Friend’s Boyfriend May Be Gay’

March 29, 2011  |  

Dear China,

I think my friend’s boyfriend might be gay. He has a lot of female friends (not booty call friends but shopping friends), he’s VERY well kept, and he’s overly sexual to prove his “manhood.” My other friend also saw him in a gay club. Should I tell her?

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

Dear Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,
Sure, you should tell her your friend saw him at gay club. No big deal…you’d probably tell her if someone else you know mutually saw you or him or whomever, at some other place, right? So, mentioning where you saw someone is conversational, and a matter of friendly chatting and networking.

Though the place in question is a gay club, followed by what you’re perceiving as mounting evidence that he’s gay, you should probably let your friend do much of the talking when you tell her. You can’t really be accusatory in tone, because being well-kept, over sexual, befriended by many females and getting your groove on in a gay club are part of your evidence files, but they’re not the actual act. It’s important to approach your friend nonchalantly if you’re to discuss her boyfriend’s sexuality. Make it less of a war room than a light-hearted girl talk exploration into the lives of your men…both yours and hers!

I want the readers give you their thoughts on this hot topic as well. Readers, take it away!

Au revoir,
~ Madame C.

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  • Betty Won’t

    Bisexual is the new “Gay” for men too scared to own it! It is our own fault..if we weren’t so down on guys being gay, they wouldn’t try to “hold on” to their cover, at our expense. I know plenty of tough, gay dudes that are not stereotypes.
    Just be yourself baby, and leave the hetero men to us…

  • Kayla

    He could be bisexual and their relationship might be a bit more open than you and your nosey friends are assuming.

    Mention that you saw him casually, just like you would say you saw him at the grocery store, don't ask anything or say it with innuendo. Your friend might already know and be totally fine with it.

    The only time you should involve yourself is if she comes to you crying and distraught, but otherwise, its not good to make assumptions.

  • No Lies

    wow another one bites the dust…tired of loosing men to other men, at this rate im gonna have to rent a husband…nah seriously im working to be financially stable so i can do without a man, seems like there wouldnt be any straight men left soon…

  • Ecce

    Tell your friend! Being in a gay club is flat out suspicious. This is why black women have one of the highest rates for HIV/AIDs. Let your best friend make the decision on what to do with him, there after. We need to promote and encourage unity in our community (African-descent women) seeing that the odds are against us in modern times. With that being said, you're not jumping to conclusions or being nosy by informing your friend of your concerns. That's just looking out for your sistah.

  • klove

    Tell your friend. There is to much dishonesty these days especially with men. Save your friend the time now if she say she cool with it, throw your hands up. 9 times out 10 she’s gonna thank u for that lata

  • Glenna

    did the OP consider that (a) her friend;s boyfriend might be bisexual , not gay and (b) her friend might know and be quite fine with it.

    I tend to be a "mind your own business" sort of person. Your friend is not a child nor is she blind (unless she chooses to be). and, perhaps more importantly, you don't know what passes betw3een them when you are not there. Butt out and stay out.

  • DJ1969

    BS! This is how women get burned, by not listening to their instincts and leaving too much room for benefit of the doubt. You don't need to catch him in the act. Being in a gay club is all the proof she needs. Sorry but this would not be a light-hearted conversation. It's a "Girl, you better wake your azz up" type of conversation. This man could be playing with this woman's health and there is no dancing around or sugarcoating something like this.

    • DJ1969

      And let me add that there's NO competing with a man and there's nothing a woman can do about a situation like this but to either leave him or be his friend.