Relationship Fights Not Worth Having

March 29, 2011  |  

Are you constantly fighting with your significant other? We can’t counsel all your issues individually, but we can tell you that there are some common relationship fights not worth having. Here they are:

The “Always/Never/Extremes” Fight
“Always, everything, all the time” don’t exactly have a place in the “right now.” Relationship fights that accuse one’s lover of being “fundamentally” anything, always, all the time (e.g. you always do this, or you never do that), only cripple the other person’s ability to join in the conversation or offer anything relevant to the actual issue at hand. It’s hard to discuss or amend a present issue when you’re being tagged or labeled as fundamentally or perpetually, or always or never, something or the other!

The Tit-For-Tat Fight
Please don’t fan the flames of a tit-for-tat war. It didn’t work in elementary school, and it won’t work in adult relationships. The minute you say to someone, “you did this, so I’m going to do it back to you,” you’re creating a cycle of behavior that could be destructive. It’s like playing tag with a problem: you’re it, O.K. now I’m it, O.K. now you’re it…and so on. If you’re that upset about someone’s behavior, address the behavior or end the relationship. Don’t repeat the behavior yourself!

The Low-Blow Fight
If you ever wait for a fight to offer some really “low-blow” comment to your significant other, like: yes, and that’s why your mom has diabetes, or something really hurtful or ridiculous, you’re barking up the wrong tree. The low-blow fight will quickly erode trust in your relationship and force you to feel less-than-stellar about yourself in the relationship as well. All you really needed to have done if you were that angry, was to walk away, talk to Jesus (or whomever) and cool off, to keep from “going there.” Low-blow fights are never won.

The Character Fight
If you have an issue in a relationship, it’s best to focus your arguments around the specific issue, not around the character of the persons involved in the issue. We’re assuming that you’re dating someone you respect enough to not destroy character-wise. If you’re not dating such a person and character is an issue, then guess what? Stop dating! Don’t start, enter or engage fights that have to do with the destruction of your lover’s character. You won’t win them–and they aren’t worth fighting.

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  • No Lies

    ahhhh crap.. okay fights do not need to happen in a relationship(my opinion).
    I think if a man and a woman who are mature in thinking understand themselves and their position within the family then all this basesless arguing wouldnt be. People should understand themselves and the ones they are with before they commit, know what they expect and dont and what they are willing to put up with or wont, sit the individual down and speak expressly clear about their desires and turn off and if it gets too much it isnt worth it let it go. better to be happy with you than annoyed by the fly in your ear that wouldnt shut up…
    Arguments are not a sign of a healthy do not need them period..

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  • Janice Walker

    I think most fights aren't worth having. Half the time you forget about what you were fighting about in the first place. When my husband and I start going down the path of arguing frequently, I stop him in his tracks by asking one question: What do you admire about yourself? It sounds silly, but asking this question of him, and myself, refocuses us on what we find important about ourselves and each other. Suddenly, the stuff we were fighting about drifts into the background. It's a wonderful and effective tactic that I ran across in an e-book by Hayden Dane called I Have One Question. It's worth the read.