Reporter Terrell J. Starr Reveals Why He Really Hasn’t Been On A Date Since 1998

November 10, 2014  |  

Last week, reporter Terrell J. Starr’s name became buzz-worthy when an article about his love life went viral. Disclosing that he has not been on a date since 1998, MadameNoire was intrigued to find out why. Noted as a multi-lingual, Peace Corp alum and Fulbright Scholar with no debt, the Detriot native revealed what is holding him back from dating all these years – his income. Check out our exclusive with Starr as he talks about only having eyes for Black women — even if they aren’t necessarily checking for him.

Do you agree with Terrell?

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  • daethaqtsims

    Mmmmmmhmmmmmm ” Person ” “people” Mmmmmmhmmmmm

  • too_real

    let’s see: multi-lingual, peace corp (conscious), fullbright scholar (intelligent)…..sorry but he’s GAY!

    That may explain why he hasn’t been on a ‘date’ since 1998.

  • confused

    Not buying it, he’s struggling with the purpose of relationship and what a woman with 6 figures would want in a man. Carry on researching it is not that difficult. I think he’s afraid of commitment. he has clearly said that he has had relations but unable to quantify the value in those relations. I have not heard any talk on spirituality, he may have a personality disorder or narcissistic traits. Hence the platform he uses to sell himself and boast that he has a number of people interested. Is this how the new entitled generation behave, he might as well go to China where they too feel the same entitlement and are opting for celibacy to pursue their careers without unhealthy attachments. But what sort of community does this breed, a love affair with technology where you get to select your perfect mate without having a conversation. Yawn!!!!!!!!!!!! Back to basics is the formula for me. Men like him would scare me, he looks like he would swing both ways.

  • deedee21000

    i don’t believe he even knows what we wants.. and that is why he is single.

  • fridaysmyday

    Northern and Eastern European women do not like black guys in general.

    • hollyw

      …and I like how he briefly mentioned that his research while studying abroad was on black women, but never specified on WHAT lol…

  • Ty Jackson

    As a 30 yr old black man who hasn’t touched a woman in 7 yrs I sympathize with this man. I’m not as worldly or as well traveled as him but I understand his dilemma, although a part of me thinks he used his article to gain female attention, and it worked. I hate when people think that if ur a black man and ur not “dating” that there’s something wrong with u. That’s a negative stereotype that has been embedded in black people since slavery. I do think he needs to realize that 6 figure salary making women aren’t the end all be all, and are extremely rare. He needs to come back down to earth, there’s beautiful black women all around that would love to be with him.

  • mountaincoco

    I think he needs therapy, myself. Usually, when we have a situation like this, it is the case.

  • Aleasa Word

    Ok I’m gonna need him to read my book “Get Right for Love; The Muscle Guide to Relationship Readiness” by Mz. Word.

  • JB#3

    He has unrealistic expectations. He wants a multilingual smart corporate executive who can spit
    Nicki Minaj. What about her heart, soul and sense of humor? Does he want a spiritual woman who is good role model to be the mother of his children? What does he want in a relationship? Does he even know? Besides, how is he going to connect with anyone if he never dates? What he wants sounds like it’s coming from a teenage boy and not a man.

    • Lele215

      You do realize that everyone has different values. For some, a spiritual might be great but if that’s all there is he will eventually grow bored and have an affair with an educated travelista who does freelance and contract translation work to fund her travels.

      • JB#3

        She doesn’t have to be spiritual, but I included that to highlight that the things he’s looking for seems a bit superficial and juvenile. Any man that wants wife is looking for something deeper.

        • Lele215

          My point is what seems superficial and juvenile to you may be a non-negotiable characteristic for him. When it comes down to it, neither one of us has to live with his mate-he does. Given what I’ve read about his background, education and interests, I guessing he wants someone who makes travel and cultural immersion a priority. A mono-linguistic sister without a passport and only has an associate’s degree ain’t going to cut it. It might be superficial to some, but it’s important to him. A sister who hates rap and hip-hop probably won’t cut it. Again it is superficial, but he loves artists like Nikki Minaj. As for the money, I think if he is truly interested in a 6 or 7 figure sister, he might need to let the editing gig go and focus on building a profitable business. If he builds it, like minded sisters will find their way to him.

  • number1bigdaddy

    aka that brother is crazy

  • MzDiva

    His perspective is very refreshing. I can appreciate this because he is a man who focused on his career and is now looking to explore dating and relationships; which, let’s face it have changed tremendously in the last 10-20 years. And just like many single, Black professional women who have challenges in finding partners whom they can relate to, it sounds like he will have the same challenge because there are a number of women who have children; a host of bad experiences and perhaps not enough broad experiences as he has in life.

  • Lele215

    Some questions I have:
    1. Why does he have to explain himself to anyone?
    2. Why does he have to be with someone make other people feel comfortable.
    3. When did years without official relationships become synonymous with being gay (wouldn’t he be seeing guys on the low)?
    4. Isn’t asexuality an established fact?
    5. Why does he have to have a sexual partner to be considered normal?
    6. Can’t his professional obligations and goals in life be more emotionally fulfilling than his love life? (I seriously know people who married for children but they get emotional fulfillment from work)
    7. What has dating just for the sake of dating wrought ?

    • KEEKZ

      Interesting points Lele.

    • ThinkhigherDohigher

      Touche. I think that a lot of people are coming down irrationally hard on him because he doesn’t fit into societal norms, which is sad. He could be whoring around like most eligible males his age, using women, but instead he has refrained and admitted that he doesn’t really know how to date and has not hurt anyone by his lack of knowledge. That should be rewarded. If he was a woman he would not be criticized near as much– and we know this. There are plenty of 34 year old women who have not been in a real relationship since college.

      I salute him for not leaving a trail of devastated/used women in his past. It takes more of a man to abstain, in my humble opinion. I wish him nothing but the best in life and love.

      • hollyw

        Black women are easily frustrated with this storyline b/c it sounds unbelievable, one. Two, though he takes some of the blame on himself by saying he might have “missed the signals”, he also states that he has “trouble finding” eligible women, which clearly places blame on black women for either being vapid/money-hungry, or not up to par with him. That is what’s wrong with his commentary. The first is a false stereotype that has been disproven repeatedly, as we all know that black women, more so than women of any other race, are more likely to take on black men, even if those women are more financially success than him. The second is just absurd b/c he lives in New York City! This place has the most well-read, intelligent, well-traveled, wealthiest people, e.g. black women, on the planet!
        He has simplified his own issues positively while trying to apply these grand, sweeping negative generalizations to the ridiculous amount of eligible black women in this city *ahem, including me* and that’s unfair.

        • Dr. Dubya

          Hollyw…The second point is exactly my life.

          • hollyw

            What…the “no women being up to my standards”? If so, what city do you live in?

            • Dr. Dubya

              No, they are preferences. There is a subtle difference between these two.

              • hollyw

                I’d say the difference is how willing you are to compromise them. If you’re mostly unbending in them – which I’d have to assume if you find yourself struggling to find someone eligible, yet are gainfully employed and reasonably attractive – then they’re probably more like standards. In any case, I asked what city, though I think you might’ve told me before in a previous article, b/c some cities aren’t conducive to committed dating, i.e. L.A. or NYC.
                Also, there’s a difference between not being able to find a long-term partner, and not having dated in 16yrs, which is more extreme and this brothah’s current issue. I also haven’t been in many relationships since college, but I don’t have trouble gaining suitors, or dating…it’s the end result that’s the problem. But I’m putting myself out there, at least, which this man admittedly was not doing. Anyhoo, good luck in your search!

                • Dr. Dubya

                  I’d prefer a black woman, 4′ 11″ to 5′ 11″, pretty, small amount of makeup, no kids, gainfully employed, simple and easy to please, a listener, slow to anger, quick to forgive, wants children, tough, team player,in shape, can cook, Christian, funny ( you would be surprised how few I meet have that characteristic).

                  • hollyw

                    Mmmm if those are your only requirements,again, there is an abundance of that around.

    • hollyw

      I feel like some of your questions are either contradictory or don’t apply. He originally offered his story, one, and expressed wanting to find a suitable mate but due to the things he listed, e.g. no one on his level, him missing “the signals”, he has not. He opened himself up to most of this, though I agree that celibate men should not be considered gay and dating is meaningless (and expensive) if you see yourself above most of the eligible (read: on your ACTUAL level, not the one you perceive) candidates.

  • mmmdot

    “All my problems are because of black women, not me, not racism and white supremacy! Nothing else but black women. Black women are always to blame for all my problems, even if I HATE them and don’t interact with them in any meaningful way at all.” – most black men in America

    • kj1986nyc

      black women are the white man’s lieutenant. Y’all stay nursing white values and white institutions and act simple when a black man bring up the fact that you do. You ask why men are on a women’s website, while why do women invade male spaces. You sound like a hypocrite feminist, devoid of reality!

  • hollyw

    …mmkaaay, at first, I didn’t believe him, but after seeing he’s not a complete monster, personality-wise (and attractive), I can see how he can’t get dates from women his own age. I’m still in my 20s, so I wouldn’t mind dating a guy who doesn’t make much and growing with him, but I can also see a lot of women his age, who are as successful as he wants them to be, seeing his income and career as limiting. Now that, I can see lol.
    …I mean, that still doesn’t explain how he’s been without a relationship he was supposedly seeking for so LONG, but whatevs.

    Hate to say it, but maybe he should try dating younger women! Just sayin…I mean, 15yrs of no success, may wanna try a new tactic, bruh.

  • IMJSANYUmad

    notice how the entire time he’s talking… seems like he’s stepping on egg shells, reason y?… once again… y’all mutts aint worth damn + you spend to much time caught celebrities…. cuz u have no lives

    • Ha

      LOL, who broke your heart. Don’t be mad nobody want u.

      • hollyw

        Lol ikr, “cuz u have no lives”, uhhhh… o.O Pot meet kettle lol??

        • IMJSANYUmad

          lol this smutt felt maaaad witty…. bet money you rent an apartment…. naw naw… better yet… bet money you have no dishwasher…. naw naw… i can do better… check this out… bet loot you have stay in the car with ya 6 kids with the windows down when u take ya 95′ subaru through the car wash to get a shower… but u gotta wear a cap cuz u got a weave in lol

      • IMJSANYUmad

        good good… but who ya pops??? ask ya moms and she be like… get out my business mutt

    • mmmdot

      Look little boy, you’re the one on a website for black WOMEN acting like a COMPLETE BXTCH. The only one to blame for why black women won’t touch you with a 10 foot pole is you. So go fling yourself right back into your mama’s basement and STAY THERE with your internet p*rn. Freakin socially inept imbecile.

      • IMJSANYUmad

        i like that word inept… imma put that in rotation… but watch ya mouf mutt.. y’all lil girl gabbin. and you maaaad tight bout a comment so fix ya weave and relax… i can’t get rid of y’all bald head mutts… that the real issue

  • IMJSANYUmad

    he single cuz y’all mutts aint worth a damn

    • hollyw

      No, just you, troll 🙂

    • mmmdot

      Your mama, you ugly bxtch.

  • Tabitha

    Chile please!! He’s a decent looking brotha who is gainfully employed – why can’t he find SOMEONE? He’s not telling the full story. My guess is that the type of ‘sista’ he wants well educated corporate figure with a six figure salary – 2/3 things he doesn’t have. The problem is that mediocre brothas think they deserve A+++ black women with money and it doesn’t work like that – especially when you have other races of men who are well off and more socially accepting to date black women. The type of ‘sista’ he wants did not spend her 20s floating around Europe to ‘find herself’ like a wanna be trust fund baby only to find herself in her 30s just starting a career. The type of ‘sista’ he wants used her 20s to get her education, BS, MS, PhD, MBA, JD, MD, etc., starting her own business and/or working her way up the corporate ladder and EARNED a large salary. You dam right she is checking for someone who can pull their weight financially and she should. White women are taught from the womb that a man MUST support them financially – why should (successful) black women want for less? Either get your money up so you can attract that ‘sista’ you want or find you a nice CNA/administrative assistant/retail manager etc. to settle down wit.

    • KEEKZ

      And let the church say!

      • Nisha

        AMEN!

    • 1Val

      Thank you!!!
      The audacity to feel entitled to the best when he makes a slacker look like an overachiever.

    • John

      He volunteered in the Peace Corps. That’s far from anything so trivial as “floating around”. Your ignorance speaks volumes.

      • Justwow

        My ex was in the peace corp and we met and started dating shortly after his return (a month or two) and though he wasn’t a “bum” he did NOT have his career life together like I did. I was a medical student and I knew what I wanted from my life, both career and love life, but he on the other hand was readjusting to coming back to the industrial world and deciding where to go with his career. So granted people may be harsh they are not far from the truth in their criticism. This man wants the cream of the crop without offering much financial stability. Some women do not mind but some women, even if they make their own money, still want their partner to be ABLE to provide even if one doesn’t depend on them.

        • Tabitha

          YASS! Equally yoked is all I’m talking about!

    • You’veGotMail

      Jesus wept. You won the internet. However, I will say there is value in being with someone who is passionate about their life’s work. Even if he’s making less money. If he’s working, intelligent and really loves you, you may have something real. This man will be snatched up in no time, mark my words. And that’s because of his pseudo celebrity status from his post, but also because he knows what he wants. Just because he chose a different path, traveling the world and educating himself, doesn’t mean he is a hippy backpacking off of his parent’s money. He’s an accomplished Fulbright scholar! He earned that education and still loves and respects us as black women. I mean, we go hard on these dudes. Why don’t you ease up a little? Surely there’s a line of Fulbright scholars wrapped around your building waiting on you? The man said he doesn’t make a lot if money, he didn’t say he didn’t work and had nothing to offer! Ladies, I respect the notion of being equally yolked, but don’t miss the forest for the trees. Good luck to y’all and this brotha.

      • Tabitha

        I’m sorry but I take offense to him saying “Well-traveled man seeks ‘sista’ OK with him making less money”. I’m not naive enough to think there aren’t women checking for him. For him to say that lets me know that the pool of women he wants have much more to offer than he does and this is a ‘plea’ of sorts to get them to ‘come down’ and put up with the fact that he didn’t prepare himself to be in a certain financial situation by his mid-30s, when they in fact did. Well traveled is great but everyone knows you do that ish for a couple of years max and then come back to the ‘real world’ and try to find a life for yourself. And yes I am very familiar and skeptical of these ‘fullbright’ ‘worldy’ type of brothas and I’m very glad they aren’t ‘checking’ for me anymore. These are the same ones who want a successful black woman to put themselves on and then when they get to where they want financially (with her help) they leave her for some exotical bish, much like they type they wanted originally in their ‘travels’ but knew they couldn’t have because their money game wasn’t right enough to attract them for a relationship. Been there done that and successful Black women shouldn’t feel bad or lower their standards because I dam sure didn’t when I found my husband.

    • hollyw

      LMBO @ “a nice CNA/administrative assistant/retail manager etc. to settle down wit.” I hollered!!

    • Dr. Dubya

      I am still dating around as well and I did spend my 20s earning a salary. Doesn’t mean women are checking for me. I’d love a CNA “nice CNA/administrative assistant/retail manager etc. to settle down wit.”

  • bigdawgman

    Good luck, brotha!

  • KjB

    Maybe the it’s the type of black women he wants to be checking for him because there are some intelligent, well spoken, beautiful black women that would love to have HIM checking for them!

  • Just a Gyrl

    who said he was….nevermind

    • thatonegirl

      GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thinking the same thing. But’s none of my business.

  • black men do’t commit

    So does anyone expect this ninja is celibate? LOL

  • ComeLetsTalk

    Not on a date or has a GF, but I’m sure he’s smashing somebody though. Come on son.

    • hollyw

      Last article said he’s been celibate for the last 5yrs, soooo…idk lol.

    • 1Val

      Where did this underachieving kneegro come from?

      Because I’m totally confused as to how he feels entitled to the creme of the crop black women and he has nothing to offer but travel tales.

      He must be first generation and/or a hood baby to think that traveling makes him special.

      He is shiftless. Too trifling to approach a woman talking about he missed signals. Who fooled this fool that he is catch? Just another bum looking to mooch off an overachieving successful black woman.

      • Look in the mirror, it’s ugly

        Yes, a Fulbright scholar is the definition of shiftless and underachieving. The Department of State gives out Fulbright scholarships to every bum on the corner. Your father probably has one for each of his baby mommas.

        • 1Val

          Spoken like another hood baby.
          Overly impressed with underachievers.

          • Look in the mirror, it’s ugly

            Sorry to disappoint you, sweetie. Unlike you, my parents were married before I was born and they are still married more than 40 years later. I was raised in the suburbs. On weekends and holidays, I volunteer my time to help trash like you and your relatives. Oh, and yes, I am educated, employed, and married. Like I said: Look in the mirror, it’s ugly. You may need to part your cheap weave to see your face.

            • 1Val

              Yet you are so insecure that you are telling “your” life story in cyberspace.
              As I said this man is a first generation college graduate for him to be impressed with traveling and living abroad.
              And only another hood baby would applaud a grown man who would rather pursue traveling than earning a living as noteworthy and marketable in the dating arena.

    • thatonegirl

      My thoughts exactly.