Here’s why you meet Mr. Wrong:
1. You haven’t analyzed & written down key patterns
You have a hunch that you’ve seen the same problems before in your dealings with men, but you’ve only mildly articulated that hunch. In order to take a proactive stance and physically change the outcome of dating “the wrong men,” you need to analyze the patterns that you notice in your dating life on a piece of paper, talk out those patterns, and think about why you keep seeing them in the men you encounter. Then, write down in another column how to refrain from those patterns. Those patterns could be stemming from you, your background and your positioning in life, or they could be stemming from the guys you’re dating. Either way, you must recognize them, write them down, and attack them.
2. You’re not ready
You might be at a stage in life, in which you feel like you should be dating, and you go out to date, but things just keep going wrong, not really because of the guys who seem all “wrong,” but because you’re not actually ready to date. Figure out what you want from dating. If you just want to hang out with a guy and be friends, that’s perfectly O.K. Many young women buy into the notion that the men they date must become their boyfriends–or even worse, their baby daddies. Do these young ladies know what a boyfriend could mean at a certain age? For many people who are closer to 30 than not, a boyfriend eventually starts to imply marriage–which is a big deal. So, figure out what it takes for YOU to be ready, before you start getting boyfriend-hungry, wishing you had a man. And don’t be too “hungry” for a man at any time.
3. You look for the wrong things
Appearances are not everything. There are too many people in the world who look like a million bucks, but have two-dollar homes or crappy, dirty souls. You don’t have to make a “list” of all the things your man should have, but you really do need to have a sense of who you are and what you need before you start calling yourself “dating” someone. FOR EXAMPLE: if you are: an overly sensitive lil lady who just wishes she could just get up and go to the gym, be more organized, start a two-parent household, and wake up earlier on weekends, then you know you need to date someone who: isn’t harsh with your emotions, motivates you to get to the gym, helps you be more organized, wants to be a father who is present, and helps you wake up earlier on weekends. This person isn’t meant to be your keeper or meant to “complete” you or to “make” you, or anything of the other heavy verbs you can muster. This person is simply meant to be CO-FUNCTIONAL with you, complementary to you, coordinated with you.
That’s how you pick a mate.