How to Handle a Dishonest Relationship

9 comments
March 21, 2011 ‐ By China Okasi


You or a friend may have been entangled in situations of all contexts that seemed dishonest–and perhaps were. The next time that scenario happens, here are the crucial steps you can take to handle a seemingly dishonest relationship.

Research
Before jumping to conclusions or reacting to any apparent clues that you may be dealing with a dishonest person, research and remember the facts of the situation. Look for patterns in the person’s speech and behavior, and use your gut instinct to guide you as uncover the truth of the situation. Ensure as much objectivity as possible, avoiding too many opinions that would tilt the truth one way or the other. Patterns are key to uncovering truths and behaviors. Become a “pattern” expert.

Address
Once you have gathered your facts, and researched as many angles of the matter as possible, address the facts with the person you think has been dishonest. Listen out for inconsistencies in the person’s answers, and question the likelihood that what he or she is saying is right or wrong. Speak calmly, and stick only to the facts. Addressing issues in a manner that allows emotions to overwhelm the situation might spiral you out of control and blur your stake in the matter.

Weigh
After you have addressed the matter, weigh your options. Do you believe in the truth offered to you by the other person? What are the consequences if you do or don’t? Do you believe that dishonesty will continue to impede your growth with this person, or are you satisfied in thinking that the “dishonesty” you have researched is just a one-time matter?

Dissolve
After you have researched, addressed, and weighed the circumstances around a relationship–of any kind–that has been mired by dishonesty, and you are still not convinced that the person in question is worthy of your continued presence, then you should strongly consider the dissolution of your relationship with that person. Imagine your life with that dissolution, and if that imagination decreases the anxiety, tension, and general disappointment that you do or would feel with a continued dishonest relationship, then you have your answer right there.

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  • http://writingbeauties.blogspot.com/ Candy

    Loved the article. Ladies can take a relationship readiness quiz here: http://writingbeauties.blogspot.com/2011/03/quiz-…. Some women are just not ready for a relationship.

  • Intrinsic Beauty

    Yes…they always make it someone else’s fault or they get really defensive, which let’s me further know they are lying.

  • Rastaman

    The funny thing about dishonest people is that when they get found out they seem to always want to make it the other person’s fault. I would respect them more if they just came clean when found out but I think part of being dishonest is convincing themselves that they did nothing wrong.

    “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you”

    • ANON

      Rastaman, I agree with you. However, what happens when that person could simply ask? A lot of people think they are slick. And lie to people's faces because they think people are stupid. However, the reality is people undermine people everyday just because it gives them a sense of power. But the reality is true power does not come by undermining people.

  • L-Boogie

    One should always forgive when someone is being dishonest (even when it hurts so badly). However

  • True, true

    Good article, the above steps are to handle the situation in a "mature, classy" way. Now the hood way is polar opposite and can get someone jail time!
    *Check out this article http://www.examiner.com/women-s-relationship-in-p

    • ANON

      In response to this statement, I find it amazing how there is a "mature, classy" way to deal with these matters; however, many times when it is time to investigate these concerns the "mature, class" way was not used.

  • L-Boogie

    *handle.

  • L-Boogie

    One should always forgive when someone is being dishonest (even when it hurts so badly). However, I do not know if that necessarily mean that – that person or persons should remain in your life. Especially, if they caused you great pain and embarrassment. Nevertheless, that depends on what you can have

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