Do you know a woman that proudly proclaims that she’s not friends with other women? Or do you know a woman that doesn’t have any female friends because she claims all women are “catty” and “jealous?” Do you have trouble getting along with other women?
I’m not going to say that women aren’t validated in their mistrust of other women, because the truth is that some women can be downright vicious and have made “Haterism” a religion. Just look at how women behave on shows like Basketball Wives and Real Housewives of Atlanta. It’s no wonder women are so guarded with one other.
But why do some women stab each other in the back? In most, if not all cases it boils down to insecurity and fear. But no matter the root cause, women who act catty towards other women, as well as women who choose to swear off other women, are all just dealing with a deeper psychological issue. Make no mistake- it’s not healthy for a woman not to get along with any other woman. It’s no different than when a Black man writes off all Black women because he thinks we all act a certain way.
Can I fault some women for not wanting to be friends with other women? No. Oftentimes women take this stance because of some significant hurt or trauma at the hands of another woman (or women). The notion of “I don’t get along with women” is a defense mechanism. And it’s understandable defense mechanism.
I’ve been hurt by a handful of female friends and several acquaintances throughout my life. And I was extremely guarded with women during my college years when I found out that my “good friend” was spreading nasty rumors about me. I avoided close female relationships for years because I didn’t trust women. That was my defense mechanism. And it was a defense mechanism that kept me from fully experiencing the joy of having other women in my life.
Unfortunately women hurt other women. It’s a harsh reality and we’ve all been there. We’ve been lied to, lied on, talked about, hated on, you name it. It hurts and it scars. But is it any different than our experiences with men? Think about it ladies. When a guy cheats on you, lies to you, or uses you, do you write off all men? It’s a fact that a man can screw you over just as easily as another woman can. And if you’ve even been royally screwed over by a man you cared for, then you know how much it can hurt. You may want to hate all men, close off your heart to all men, but you don’t. Why? Because you want love- we all do. And because we all ultimately want love, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and learn to just get a lot better at picking subsequent men. The same rationale should be applied when dealing with women. It’s not about being BFF’s with all women, because quite honestly, some women are definitely not to be trusted. It’s about learning from our negative experiences with other women, so we don’t miss out on the love that other women can bring to our lives.
Women need relationships with other women. It has been shown that having female friendships boosts emotional, psychological, and physical health. And I don’t care how many male friends you may have, or even if you have one of those really cool token “gay husbands” that make for a great shopping buddy, when all is said and done, every woman should strive to have at least one female friend that she can proudly claim. And if you don’t, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. Having male friends is cool and all, but it can never fully substitute for the health and happiness that comes from a bond of womanhood.
Have you ever been the target of “catty” and “jealous” women? How did you handle that?
Do you think it’s healthy to not have any female friends?
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