Madame on the Street: Are You Friends With Your Exes?

March 20, 2011  |  

Is it really possible to be “just friends” with someone who shares a romantic past with you? Would you give your man the side-eye if his gooooood friend also happened to be an ex? We asked these lovely New Yorkers about the whole friends/former lovers thing. Check it!

Are you friends with your exes? Why or why not?

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  • The whole concept of being "friends," with an ex is silly to me. If we didn't own a business together or have some joint interest (like children)… There is no reason for us to be around each other. I am not that desperate for "friends." The reason the relationship is over is, quite simply, because it has run its course. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Either you're ready to move on or you're not. The only reason to remain friends with an ex is for "Booty Calls." That's not my style.

  • There is no reason that you and an ex can not be friends after the fact. As long as the two of you are on the same page about the friendship, there is no reason why it can't work. I am friends with my daughters father and his female friend. I don't want him so why can't we be friends.

  • Dimples

    It depends on the two people, in my case, it didn't work because the chemistry was still there and I didn't want to get caught up in any drama. So we no longer talk.

  • Creations62

    I'm friends with my ex, but that's because we met each other in high school. So he knows me really well, and it just feels like I'm talking to an old friend. However, it took us a VERY long time to be friends. You cannot be a legitimate, platonic friend with your ex if the relationship ended recently. That's just not realistic. But now we've reached a point where we don't have romantic feelings for each other, so there's no temptation there. I will say that it is a difficult relationship to maintain when you or your ex has a significant other. You just need to make sure that you are maintaining a friendship with this person for the right reasons.

  • Odetta

    All i can say is of the 4 REAL relationships (ones that lasted over 2 years) 2 out of those 4 men are/were in my life i thought on a friendship level. However I eventually found out that they are/were just hanging around to see if i would still let them hit. Thats basically how i feel because when they got with their women they were know where to be found. so all that time that i thought we were truley becomming good friends like i said they were just waiting to see if i'd have weak moment. So i believe that for some people they can be cool after a good or bad breakup but for the most part some body in this new "friendship" is just waiting to get some more until their new woman or man comes along.

  • moi

    depends why you broke up ,e,g if he beat your ass a few years ago but you forgiven him since .then NO

    if it was just because of something like a long distance relationship or you grew out of love. then maybe if both of you have truly moved on

    but 99.999% no as the are an ex for reason

  • moi

    depends why you broke up ,e,g if he beat yyour ass a fer years ago but you forgiven him since .then NO

    if it was just because of something like a long distance relationship or you grew out of love. then maybe if both of you have truly moved on

    but 99.999% no as the are an ex for reason

  • NM817

    What do you mean exactly by friends? At this point I don't think he could be considered anything more than an associate. Meaning if I run into my ex we'll speak, but there's no phone conversations, we don't meet up for lunch, he's treated as a dude I use to know and that's it. Check out this article:

  • Not Pertinent

    I'm sure that it's not impossible, but it has never happened in my case. The exes always wanted the benefits of being a girlfriend w/o the title (and I'm not talking sex, but the other things that you'd do for a significant other if you are in a committed relationship i.e. be available at any time to perform a honey-do checklist). I had one ex that not only broke up w/ me, but she would find out if I was talking to another girl & then go try to be best friends w/ the girl to sabotage the potential relationship between me & the girl. How can you possibly be friends w/ someone that low down?

  • The.Texan

    Exes can be friends…when BOTH understand the boundaries, and BOTH are in a position to say "The only feelings I have for you are platonic." Drama comes around when the right words are said, but the actions don't match; it happens when one or both can't admit that the friendship is not enough…that they still want something out of the relationship, whether it's love or casual sex. On a good farewell, people don't have to sever ties. But maturity is the #1 priority to make it work, and the #1 priority to admit that it won't work.

  • Intrinsic Beauty

    I believe that some mature people can maintain a platonic friendship after a relationship. This subject brings up a lot of feelings for me because I have once found out my man husband cheated on me with an ex. Their relationship was supposed to be platonic but obviously somewhere along the line things became as they once were. I was so pissed with him and her. Him, because of course he’s the one I took vows with. Her because, she too is married and she was very aware of me. But just because that happened to me doesn’t mean it will happen for anybody else.

  • Life

    I was in a relationship with a guy for ten years. I chose not to stay in contact or be friends with him because he is just plain "selfish". I ended things because i out grew him and he just did not want to commit. I was young when i met him, 17yrs. old. I decided not to remain friends with him, because i needed to move on with my life. He was always calling me up for favors. I just came to realize he made all those years about him, but not about "us". To leave an X being, is to blossom into a more fruitful relationship where someone will appreciate, love, respect, and wants what is best for you both always.

  • roz

    I believe you can. My ex and I were friends for a while(bout 15 year) we tried the relationship thing and it didn't work out. We moved on and now he has a woman and a child, but we are still cool. I have repect for his woman so I don't call him on a regular basis, but we do hang out from time to time. When we do we never discuss what happened in our past. Sometimes we dont speak for months. No matter how much time has passed we always have each others back, no strings attached.

  • miss803

    i believe you can be friends with your ex as long as yall know yall boundaries….i experienced a horrible breakup with my ex of 5.5 yrs and we were friends since age 11…we've been knowing each other almost half of our entire lives however we both have moved on i'm now married with a child and he is in a relationship and the have a son together….now dont get me wrong we werent friends for an extremely long time after our break up. but eventually we ended up having a conversation and and we have been friends every since. so i say it is possible….you just have to be mature enough to handle it.

  • bj5

    I feel that it is really hard to be friends with an ex because one person will still want more. An ex is an ex for a reason and a lot of people miss out on the next person still being stuck in the past trying to be friends with an ex. My saying is "Dont let your old mess with your new". In most cases its best to just let it go all together,.

  • felecia

    well my ex and i r best friends and we were friends before getting together. we are not together because of our friendship, we figured out that we made better friend than lovers. and my man knows all about it. and he understands it.. i will never go backwards, so yes two past lovers can be friends. im proof of that.. there is no chemistry there in that way at all…..oan: no i wouldnt look at my man side eyed if he was friends with his ex, as long as that was something we talked about before getting into a relationship.

  • Prissy

    EX. The name in itself means everything. It's one thing to to resolve and end on a cordial note, but it's another to stay in constant communication with the person. Especially if you want to move on in with your life. If someone is constantly around their ex, chances are they're engaging in a non platonic manner.

  • Benz

    Being Friends with your ex's can be complicated. I believe that in order to be friends, you need to have clear boundaries of what is allowed and what is not. If the relationship ended on good terms then there's no reason why you can't be friends. Bad ex's are Bad ex's for a reason but some people just make better friends than lovers.

  • Misskeke

    Why is it hard for people to stay in a committed relationship? Check this article out:

  • d truth

    @ My2

  • My2Cents

    Some of what is reasonable with your ex depends on your current situation. If your current ground is shaky, your ex can be just the soft landing/crutch you are looking for. If your current situation is rock solid, why exactly would you feel the need to maintain a friendship that is past it's expiration date?

    It has to do with what you're looking for. As the old saying goes, sometimes when you go looking for something, you will definitely find it!

    Exs are Exs for a reason –

    • U know it

      I agree, x's r x's for a reason… But some people like to stay in the past. Let it go!

  • Jasmine

    I am friends with my ex and my man knows about it. He trusts me and I would never go backwards like that. My ex is having a baby with his new girlfriend and I couldn't be happier for him. But it is also easier to be friends afterward if you were friend before like we were.

  • Worldchanger

    You should be friends with the ex first and if the relationship didnt end badly, remain friends.

  • menissance

    he11 nah…every intelligent person knows exes are for booty calls…its the person u call when u need to get some and their isn't anybody new or u still haven't smashed the new person, its a place of familiarity…thats all exes are good for: BOOTY CALLS