Kids are the most honest and open people on the face of the earth. When they don’t like something, they say it. They let you know who they are, and they let you know what they think about you from the start, whether it’s stated through their words or through their body language. We could learn a lot from kids.
In the beginning of a relationship, courtship, or casual dating situation, people almost always put their best foot forward in the hopes of making a good impression on someone. For others, they strive to keep up an image they’ve created of themselves that isn’t 100 percent who they are to impress someone. While at the time this may seem okay, in reality, doing this can create a hardship within the relationship later on down the road. Who has the time or energy to keep up such fronts?
So why do we do this? Why do grown adults put on a facade with people they are involved with? Why is it so hard for adults to be up front and honest about who they are with a person, their imperfections and what they like? This should be something easy to do in theory, but in reality, it’s not that simple. Why? One simple reason: People don’t have enough confidence in themselves to show who they really are from jump for fear that a person won’t accept them. Those who don’t want to be alone will change their image to be someone they think the other person wants, whether it’s a drastic change or a small lie.
Without realizing it, this is more harmful than helpful to the relationship because someone can only hide who they really are for so long. At some point, the real person is going to show up. Now don’t get me wrong, a woman should not go on a first date with her hair rollers in place, nor should a man who’s meeting a woman for the first time look an unkempt mess. In my humble opinion, I believe a person should be up front right from the start about who they are (good and bad) and their expectations for a relationship. This will save both parties time, energy and potential hurt feelings.
So how does one reveal who they really are when first meeting someone without revealing too much?
1. On your first date, wear what you’re most comfortable in…that won’t get you arrested.
2. Ask your potential mate or current mate at least three embarrassing questions about them and be prepared to give your own answers to the same questions. Not only are these up front questions good for receiving up front answers, but they can be good ice breakers for conversations!
3. Try doing dinner at a restaurant where you have to eat your food with your fingers! Or go on a date that will force you to be active. This will help you relax and allow the both of you to be laid back in front of each other.
4. Share your deal breakers within the first month of the relationship. Doing this will give both you and your prospective partner the option to stay or move on.
There are a number of other things a person/people can do to reveal their true colors to their mates, but one thing is for sure: You can’t reveal who you are to someone else if you don’t know who you are for yourself. While it does take time to become comfortable with someone to the point where you feel as though you can let your hair down, you don’t want to get too deep in your relationship and start dropping potential deal breaking bombs on your partner. First impressions do last, but the impressions to follow are what truly count.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin
