The Best Way To Deal With A Narcissist
By: Lindsey Ellison
If you are related to, married to or divorced from a narcissist, then you know how difficult it is reason with them.
Narcissists are masters at manipulation. They are often intelligent and charming when you first meet them. In the beginning, you hold them to high esteem. They’re fully aware of this, of course, and they love to bask in your adulation. But once you catch on to their tactics and question behavior that is the opposite of their once-charming selves, they become deeply threatened. They will then paint themselves as a victim and you as their aggressor, expertly blaming you for the relationship’s demise and all other misfortunes in their life.
You, as the codependent, try to reason with him, change his mind, or challenge every verbal assault point-by-point in hopes that the narcissist snaps out of his irrational behavior.
Maybe this time he will understand, you think.
If I explain it to him this way, he will get it. He can’t be THAT close-minded; I’m going to tell him once more.
But the more you explain, the colder and more manipulative he becomes. He may talk to you like a child, as if you’re stupid. And you can’t even believe how a person can lack such empathy, so you explain more, trying harder and harder to make him “get it” — and the more you do that, the more it supports his narcissistic fantasies that he is better and smarter than anyone.
The constant attempts to explain or get some kind of emotional response with no return is what I call the “Narcissistic Vortex.” It’s a deep black hole that sucks you in, with no way out. And until you understand this, you are going to think you’re crazy and unloved — or worse, that you aren’t worthy of anyone else’s love, so you end up staying with this person or being alone forever.
If you are not married and are trying to end a relationship with a narcissist, then my expert advice is to have no contact with him. End the relationship cold-turkey, as if giving up a very bad addiction.
But what if you are divorcing a narcissist, or you must endure a co-parenting relationship long term? How do you manage the constant manipulation, even as you try to get on with your life? He might blame you for the smallest mistakes (thereby raising his own self-worth), or criticize you for everything you do with the kids. And because he is SO falsely mistaken, you write him a long email explaining your actions, or you become engaged in a long texting battle.
And thus, you enter the Narcissistic Vortex.