Ask A Very Smart Brotha: How Do You Know When It’s Time To Move On?

August 27, 2014  |  

Shanally: What does a guy means when he says “I want to be in a committed relationship with you but I’m not ready ”

DY: It means he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you.


Porusuchi: I know this sounds silly but I’m dead serious. My guy watches twerk videos sometimes. No big deal but I told him as long as he watches them I will be posting my own. He gets angry. Am I wrong? Should he be mad about this? Or is it justified?

DY: You probably should have stopped at “I know this sounds silly…”. If you have a problem with your man watching twerk videos, fine. But “Well, I’m just gonna make one of my own” is a terrible response. I mean, if he had a porn habit, would you start “hanging out” with Brian Pumper?


Byanca: Why do guys think it’s okay to play with a girls feelings? How hard is it to be upfront and tell her that you’re not ready for a relationship instead of dragging her along?

DY: For many people (men and women) dragging out a lie is just easy than telling the truth. Thing is, it’s not actually easier at all. The lie takes more effort and energy, and leaves more broken hearts/collateral damage. But people believe it is, so they continue to do it.


Brittany: Thank for your advice in advance. How do you know when it’s time to just let a relationship go?

DY: When you find yourself asking that question over and over again. (And you’re welcome!)


Chanelle: Why do some men cheat, go through emotional panics when its over, just to do it again when given a chance?

DY: If you took them back before after cheating, why wouldn’t they think you’d take them back again?


Kris: Do guys who break up with a girl still have some feelings for her?

DY: Sometimes. But, usually, when a guy initiates the break-up, there’s no returning from that.

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at 

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  • Lilacbenson

    “DY: If you took them back before after cheating, why wouldn’t they think you’d take them back again?”
    Thank you so much,i know this trith will go over thousand of desperate women’s head but not mine’s. Thank you.

  • Sweet Girl

    All the responses are good this time around. Anytime a guy says he wants a relationship BUT. He don’t want no kind of relationship and he is trying to spare your feelings. I have a 6th sense for this that I used to ignore, ain’t doing that anymore. You can almost always tell when I man wants a relationship with you, he will always be around and wan to help you, not try to explain his way out of a relationship.

    • Angie

      YES! A man will SHOW you he wants to be with you by his actions. Pay attention. MOST men dont communicate their feelings they show them threw their actions.

  • Coco black

    Brilliant advice – simple and straight to the point. The day all women start listening to their gut feelings is the day men will have a wake up call. We know when a guy isn’t committed, isn’t interested, is a cheat etc. But we find excuses, hope he’ll change, blah blah!!

    There are plenty more fish in the sea….let go of the shite!!

    • Medlife

      Such a spot on response all around. So many times we women gnore blatant signs and our God given talent to detect trouble. And I especially agree about getting back out there in the “sea”.

      • Sweet Girl

        Thank you, I touched on this in my first comment !!

    • Lilacbenson

      You better recognize,some women think that suffering for a man is some type of test that will bring forth their biggest dreams. FOH!

  • Guestest

    I love this guy’s answers!

    • Debonne

      Me 2

  • Live_in_LDN

    Decent advice.