Experts Say Your Fears May Be Keeping You Single

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August 19, 2014 ‐ By Madame Noire
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By Debi Berndt, From YourTango 

Do you feel that no matter what you do, nothing seems to work out for you in your love life? The years are passing and you fear that you will be spending the rest of your life alone. Sometimes the fear is so great that you break down and get triggered after a bad date or someone you liked fell away. Your fearful ego is driving your efforts and, instead of finding love, you are getting the opposite.

You can have the best vision board, visualize your ideal partner twice a day, have the best online profile pictures, go on four dates a week with the best dating lines, but if all of your efforts to find love are based in fear, you will create more of what you fear rather than what you really want.

 Most people misunderstand that it isn’t what you are doing that is pushing love away but how you are being. I am not talking about behavior and proper dating etiquette, but about the energy you are putting into your actions.

Your thoughts and feelings drive your actions that give you the results in your life. So, if you thoughts and feelings are filled with the fear of being alone, that fear is driving all of your actions and giving you what you fear, not the love you really want.

 

 Here is a quick self-test. If you had to wait one or two more years to meet your ideal partner, how would you feel about that? On a scale of 1-10, ten being the most fearful where do you fall when you think about your delay in finding love?

 

All that energy that could be going to creating love is going to protection and creating more fearful experiences in dating and relationships. Anytime you are creating from fear you are retreating in survival, not expanding to new experiences. You are playing not to lose rather than playing to win. Unconsciously, you will not take risks emotionally, you will sabotage opportunities and cling to familiar relationship patterns in desperation.

 

To overcome this fear of not finding love, you have to move toward it instead of running from it. Finding someone will not remove the fearful emotions; the new relationship will only magnify it. You don’t want to get into a relationship fearing that they will leave, walking on eggshells and filled with anxiety over how they feel about you. I am sure you have been there before. To find real love, you have to face the fear first.

 

Sit with this fear and examine it from outside of your body. Imagine it being a blob of energy and ask it why it does what it does. What does it really fear? How does it protect you? Why am I scared to be alone? You can also get into the feeling and journal these questions. You will be surprised as to the answers and insights you will receive.

Read more about love at YourTango.com 

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