Why Men Hurt
5.) I lost a good one
If a man is honest with himself, sometimes we lose that special one because of our own demons and inconsistencies. A man feels a deep pain when he knows that he is the cause of losing a great woman. That means he was right, he chose correctly and here he had a Queen, someone he would have married and fathered children with. But that dream is now shattered because he made one too many mistakes. It could be cheating, it could be him not wanting to get certain things in order because those were deal breakers for her. The point is when we look to the demise of a relationship and find that the fault lies within us, that too brings us into a mental of state of “wish I coulda, woulda, shoulda’s.” And if you have ever had a failed opportunity you know how rough it can be to accept that you are the reason that opportunity is gone.
In closing, I’m not suggesting brothers who keep messing up deserve more chances but I do think we as a community need to dialogue about creating safe spaces for black men to deal with their emotional highs and lows. If we keep the cycle of the “tough man competition” we’re only fueling the negative reactions we see to men that are hurt; domestic violence, player types, and mild forms of depression. It’s time for us to start the dialogue around men expressing their emotions.
