Dos and Don’ts for Flirting

March 8, 2011  |  

Flirting is a necessary part of the mating game, so you might as well know how to do it right…right?  Keep these tips in mind the next time you go a-hunting for your prey:

Don’t dress like you do it for money.  No matter how much of a lady you might be, too much boobage and “A$$”-ets give the wrong message.

Do be demure, but obvious enough to show your interest.  Lock eyes with the hottie for about two to three seconds, just long enough to let him know you’re interested.  “A woman needs to deliver this gaze, on average, three times before the average man realizes what’s happening,” says Allan Pease in his book, The Definitive Book of Body Language, co-authored with his wife, Barbara Pease.

Don’t approach him.  The ball is now in his court.  The moment you approach, or buy him a drink or something idiotic like that, you’ve lost him–at least in the long run.

Do compliment him, smile, and make eye contact.  Joy Browne, Ph.D. gives the A-O.K. to compliment men on their hair (unless he’s involuntarily bald), eyes, neck (unless it looks like a chicken), tie, socks, smile and teeth–“Shiny is good, but big, dangerous, or sharp should not be noted,” she says in her book, Dating for Dummies.

Don’t overdo it.

Do use your body to communicate.  Tilt your head sideways toward one shoulder and tilt your hips.   Real or weave, flick your hair if you got a lot or pat your ‘fro.  “[This] suggests [you] are grooming yourself for [your] man,” says Pease. If you’re sitting or standing close, lightly and briefly brush his hand or arm.  Since men can be sort of dense about this stuff, do it more than once so he doesn’t think you did it by accident.

Don’t use your body to ‘drop it like it’s hot’ on the dance floor.  It’s okay to dance close and be a little Hot and mysterious, but virtual ‘bumping of the uglies’ is a definite no-no.

Do send him a brief text message (that is, if you’ve exchanged numbers) saying you were glad to meet him.

Don’t send 30 of them.

Don’t ask him out on a date.  Do let him ask you first.

Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed” (to be released February 2012), and runs a blog,, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.

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