“It Belongs To You, Not Your Church” I Regret Losing My Virginity On My Wedding Night

88 comments
August 4, 2014 ‐ By Madame Noire
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

By XoJane, For YourTango

“Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship. As well as abstaining from sexual thoughts, sexual touching, pornography, and actions that are known to lead to sexual arousal.”

At the age of 10, I took a pledge at my church alongside a group of other girls to remain a virgin until marriage. Yes, you read that right — I was 10 years old.

Let’s take a look at who I was as a 10-year-old: I was in fourth grade. I played with Barbie dolls and had tea parties with imaginary friends. I pretended I was a mermaid every time I took a bath. I still thought boys were icky and I had no idea I liked girls, too. I wouldn’t get my period for another four years. And most importantly, I didn’t have a clue about sex.
The church taught me that sex was for married people. Extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it. I learned that as a girl, I had a responsibility to my future husband to remain pure for him. It was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn’t remain pure for me, because he didn’t have that same responsibility, according to the Bible. And of course, because I was a Christian, I would forgive him for his past transgressions and fully give myself to him, body and soul.

Once I got married, it would be my duty to fulfill my husband’s sexual needs. I was told over and over again, so many times I lost count, that if I remained pure, my marriage would be blessed by God and if I didn’t that it would fall apart and end in tragic divorce.

Read more about this cautionary tale gone wrong at YourTango.com 

 

 

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  • cannon shelly

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  • Chris Dagostino

    Nowhere in the Bible does it say things like, “You’ll live happily ever after as long as your hymen is intact on your wedding night”, but she trusted in the church leaders who told her as much. Now that she feels betrayed and deeply disappointed – and Heaven knows she has the right to – she’s turned her back on God, not realizing that there’s a difference between Him and those who claim to speak FOR Him.

    Let’s hear it for Legalism.

  • Dancerrrdub

    Your choice as a woman. If you want to take the pledge take it, if not, don’t. Even if you don’t and you decide to fornicate, yes the consequences are harsh sometimes but then again don’t blame a man for what take two, I’ve seen lots of “psychochristians” on here and I’m not judging anyone I’ll let God do that since uhh yeah you know he’s the only one that can, to those of you fellow Christians out there. Too bad there isn’t any common sense, but hey I don’t know anything except you know that there is a thing called protection, and you shouldn’t have a problem if you really want to explore, cause if you are committed enough and you build that trust with someone then why does it matter. People were married at around 13 in the bible they didn’t know that stuff till after they were married. Now be comfortable with yourselves.

  • honeypa72

    I’m a little confused by the article. Nothing in life–even marriage is guaranteed. Your commitment is to God, not your church and not even you. That’s like saying, I shouldn’t have saved up for a car, because the one I bought is not what I thought it would be, or broke down before I thought it would. Now that I’m older, and married with children, I can truly understand why God ordained sex between a man and woman during marriage, because it’s a spiritual connection. It has been tainted, abused, thrown by the wayside, and cheapened in the world we live in, but God created sex to be beautiful and shared between committed/married adults. I know some will disagree and come at my comments, but because men are the depositors and women are the receivers, becoming one sexually with someone stays with you, and it takes much prayer to release the remnants of your past sexual experiences. Just speaking from experience.

  • Jasmine

    Marriage in a biblical sense is actually having sex. If you truly know the bible, back then there was no legal marriage, sex joined the man and woman. Nowadays marriage is actually a money generator, and people are brainwashed into thinking sex before a legal marriage is wrong, when in fact it is not. When someone does decide to have sex with someone, that should be the only person that they do have sex with, legal marriage or not, if you truly look at it from a biblical sense.

  • http://nemyawaiting.blogspot.com Nemya

    ” It was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn’t remain pure for me, because he didn’t have that same responsibility, according to the Bible.”–what Bible are we talking about? ‘Cause my Bible doesn’t say that…

  • thar1234

    I decided to wait until marriage my religious reasons . I haven’t made vow or signed a “binding contract” about it because I’m human and I know that I might slip up. So instead I made a decision within myself and asked God to simply give me strength. I do believe that God made the sex for married people . Anybody can have it that’s a given . But God designed with marriage in mind . But if you read it I mean really read it she seems a little confused . First off , I could be wrong but I never remember abstinence being something that was exclusive to females (It’s for males too ) or being told that I would going to hell if I had sex before marriage. Because we all sin and slip up pretty often but because of grace and mercy we’re forgiven as well . Secondly my reasoning didn’t come from “the church” it came from what I read in the Bible and my upbringing. My mom stressed that option and the benefits of that option and while she said she would prefer for me to abstain that if I decided to have sex before marriage all she asked was that I use protection. But while doing this my mom stressed that sex was something that was beautiful and natural and that perhaps if I decided to wait until marriage it would be even more beautiful because it was with the person I loved and who committed himself to me and I to him. My mom told me it would be beautiful and could even be fun lol (shocking…I know) giving me permission to be able to be sensual and sexual when I do lose my virginity. Therefore I don’t think that being abstinent means that you can’t be in touch with your sexuality once you do have sex is ridiculous. So I won’t have the mentality of feeling bad as a matter of fact I hope it’s quite the opposite . Third I was never given the impression that my worth is based on my virginity . My worth wouldn’t suddenly sink to crap if I lost it tomorrow . But my worth and the reason why I’m special is based on my character and because I just like everyone else am and I quote” fearfully and wonderfully made”. So I do feel bad for her because she didn’t understand that sex is not a dirty thing it’s natural and can be great. She didn’t even know what she was agreeing to or why.

    • ORCHID

      i THINK YOU’VE GOT IT RIGHT! :-). THANK YOU.

    • The Elusive Chanteuse

      It sounds like you and the author had completely different experiences. I would like to say that she is wrong, but as a church hopper [i went to different churches so i could see what identified with more] there are churches/communities out there like that. I’m not saying that she or you are wrong, i just think that it really depends on the environment you’re receiving the word.

  • guest

    um who ever said it belonged to church, your body is a temple and belongs to God.

  • Tcode

    Christians love to start their brainwashing early.

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  • Ms.D19

    Hopefully one day we will teach young women self respect and give them confidence and agency over their sexuality. We would be surprised at how many women would and do make healthy choices related to sexuality when given unbiased and correct information. How one expresses their sexuality is a choice and we should give women the same freedom to choose as we do men. When it comes to women’s bodies-everyone feels they need to bless, dictate and construct the choices women make with their own body when really the chose is hers and hers alone as to whether she wants to share it or not. “Abstinence Only” education does not work-lets also teach about disease and pregnancy prevention and also fill the minds and hearts of young women so they will know how to make the choice of who and when to share themselves with someone whether it is within the confines of marriage or not.

  • On_Point

    I was a virgin when I met my college bf 5 years ago freshman year, we had sex after 2 months of being bf/gf. We are engaged now will be getting married next this Sunday. Am I going to hell?! As long as you are not a wh0re who gives a flip.

    • guest250

      Well, you probably aren’t going to hell, but sex before marriage is considered a sin depending on your religion and it doesn’t matter whether you are dating or engaged, it is still premarital sex…but nobody knows where they are going. Ultimately, the decision isn’t ours.

    • 9Boots

      If you are a Christian then you need to repent. Getting married does not absolve you of your prior sins of fornicating.

      • On_Point

        Honestly, I don’t care what you have to say. Shouldn’t god be worried about kids with cancer, africans infected with ebola, children suffering from human trafficking, slavery, and r4pe?

        • 9Boots

          Who told you God does not care about those things?

  • https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jennifer-Terry/833277170035783 Jenn Terry

    I’m sorry she had such a bad experience…your sexuality, or lack thereof, is your business, no one else’s…it is possible to be a spiritual person and a sxual one, but sometimes people preach to children, girls especially, that sx is a dirty thing, so it’s hard to distinguish the two.

  • tiapett

    I think many people define marriage incorrectly. I know a couple who didn’t know they had to file their marriage license with the county. The thought signing it was enough (stupid I know) but since it wasn’t filed, they were not technically “legally” married. They said vows to each other and lived happily together for years before their dumb selves even knew any better. You mean to tell me if one of them had died suddenly that God would’ve sent them to hell on a technicality? What about common law states that say if you live together for a certain amount of time you are legally married? Are those people going to hell too? I believe that if my significant other and myself pledge our love to each other and decide we are going to be together, why do we need to sign a paper and pledge half our assets to each other and file our taxes jointly before we can get into Heaven? There was no legal marriage in the bible days. Genesis 24:67 “And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply” Now what in the hell do you think they were doing in the tent?! Having a wedding?! NO! Isaac took Rebekah in that tent and showed her a thing or two, and then they were married. Never in my natural born life would I make a lifelong commitment and walk down the aisle with a man whom I have not been intimate with. No way no how. I could never fully and truly love a man I have shared no intimacy with.. bottom line

    • guest250

      I’m sorry that you only link intimacy with having sex. My husband and I have been extremely intimate without having sex and I hope that non physical intimacy is something that others can and will experience. Also, in the bible, it states that you need to follow the laws of the land. In the laws of this land, a marriage license is required for two people to be considered married. There are some states that do recognize common law marriage, but, as for the couple you used in your example, they were ignorant to the fact, so I doubt that God would punish them for their ignorance. You are correct about Rebekah and Isaac because back in the day (before the laws changed and a marriage license became a requirement) all you needed was to claim each other and consummate the union.

      • tiapett

        The Hebrew word for fornication actually means a “male temple prostitute” i.e Temple prostitution was/is forbidden. In ancient times, and in ancient cultures, sex was often a part of certain temple rituals. God did not want that in HIS temple. That’s all.

        It was the Romans who changed the meaning of the word to what we know it as today (fornication = sex outside of marriage) ..

        There are definitely other forms of intimacy that don’t involve having sex and I believe we should explore ALL forms of intimacy with the ones we choose to spend our lives. I guess I shouldn’t have tried to be coy by using the word “intimacy” interchangeably. I should have said I will never marry a man with whom I have not shared physical intimacy (i.e Sex). Physical intimacy is more important to me than any other form of intimacy. But some people do not place physical intimacy as high on the list of priorities and that’s fine too. It’s all about you and your body and your life and what you choose. No one else has a say. We all have to write our own rule books. That’s why I felt so bad for the girl in this article.

  • OneMiss

    Unfortunately, I cannot speak from the perspective of a woman who waited until marriage to have sex…because I’m neither married nor a virgin; however, the decision to wait was yours. God gives us free will, but we have to accept the consequences. This is just an example of the grass being seemingly greener on the other side. Had you had sex outside of marriage, I can almost guarantee you that it would have been just as awkward and just as painful. The difference would be that it probably would have been with someone that didn’t care nearly as much for you as your husband. He waited for you because you made yourself special and stood out from the rest, a part of his love for you most likely rests in the fact that you respected yourself and him enough to wait for that commitment. Your church was probably a little on the overzealous side, but if there is one thing I know, is that when people truly care about you, they try to save you from things that they have gone through. It wasn’t to berate or shame you…or even put you on a pedestal…it was probably out of love for you and admiration. The issues that you have with sex and feeling dirty shouldn’t necessarily be blamed on the church. I don’t believe that any well-adjusted person wouldn’t have these same issues. So maybe it’s best to continue therapy, work through this with your husband and not place blame, just move forward.

  • http://stillsmallvoices.net Carolyn Hyppolite

    Thank you for sharing your story. The Church behaves as if the sacrifices they insist upon are cost free and many believers are not courageous enough to speak boldly about the sexual frustration of celibacy and the disappointment with Christian courtship because of the guilt and shame imposed by Christians. Human sexuality is a great good and I also regret the many years that I allowed ecclesial authorities to govern this area of my life.

  • pweety mee

    well that is not a wrong decision because it keeps you away from dangers like; unwanted pregnancy, loss of God’s favor, sexual transmitted diseases e.t.c, but for me sex is meant for creation of children not only for married couples, it is also the act of showing intimacy and love for one you truly love. being a virgin a great honor for a lady because that is your pride, but you pride does not mean that your virginity will provide all your needs or making you the best adorable woman on earth, it is what you decide within you and not with the church or anybody, because sometimes we don’t even trust ourselves. I always believe that i will remain a virgin till i get marry i try all my best to see keep this but to no avail, i lost at the time i can’t even believe am the one that do that cuz i have always brag and boast how powerful i am till the time i lost it completely that does not mean all hope for me being proud of myself is gone but just to walk towards it

  • neopanther

    I am dating and in love with the woman I’m going to marry. I deeply regret having ever slept with anyone before I found her. There are spiritual things that happen when you have sex with someone. There are residual things that stay with you a long time when you do. Men are just as capable of chastity as ANY woman. It is sickening and disgraceful to hold women to a higher moral standard than men. Many of the men I know feel free to be just as whorish and disgusting as they want with no societal backlash whatsoever. Some women even find that attractive. When someone has sex they give away a part of themselves. I hadn’t been in a relationship for a few years when I met her and my heart, mind, and spirit are clear enough. The most beautiful thing you can offer someone is an untainted heart. The older I got the more sensitive I’ve become to exposing myself to the energies of others just as much as risks of disease. I’ve become very disciplined when it comes to holding myself responsible for how I present myself to women and how much respect I show them. Two faithful people exploring their fantasies together should have no fear of disease and ties to other people. I remember a time when I slept with a girl I was dating who cheated and I forgave her and took her back. When we were together again I could literally sense the presence of the other person on her and couldn’t continue. Remaining pure is a gift to the other person not chains around your neck. It’s a shame she was taught her sexuality is an extension of a man’s desires and not her own. I think chastity until marriage is a good concept. I just think it was presented to her the wrong way.

    • SunFlower78

      Very well put, I wasn’t even going to chime in on the other conversations…too all over the place and heated…

      • Lost Soul

        The conversations were beyond heated.

    • Orchid

      I liked everything you said. Thank you.

  • anuj

    awesome blog fatte

  • Jordan Washington

    I’m a virgin and I’m 20 years old. I do plan on waiting till I’m married, but my decision isn’t a religious commitment. I great that God wouldn’t love me any less if I was a virgin. Sex is a special thing and I’m not just going to give it up to any guy. I also don’t make being a virgin into my identity. It’s just a part of who I am.

  • guest

    Well, I am proud of you for waiting. I’m sorry that you weren’t able to enjoy sex at first. I also waited until I was married, but I felt no guilt or shame because sex was created for married couples. I’m not sure why your parents didn’t teach you that you were more than your virginity. While I wore mine like a badge of honor as well, I also had other things going for me that I was proud of but everyone’s journey is different. I’m glad your healed or at least on the path to healing.

    • guest

      You’re*

    • pipapo

      “sex was created for married couples”
      how can you “create” sex?
      without sex, there would be no life…sex was there waaay before anyone had the idea of a concept called “marriage”
      animals have sex, too…will they all go to “hell” because they aren’t married?
      big facepalm

      • guest

        Lol are you serious? Well, I respect your opinion. I am religious and I believe that, for humans, sex is to be had by married couples. With that being said, I ALSO believe that God created the world. Therefore, he created life and then created sex afterwards.

        • demi

          sex is for pleasure and the creation of children not marriage, marriage is an invention, sex is natural.

          • guest

            and that is your belief. I have already stated mine.

        • Just saying!!

          Sex is natural…marriage is a human made institution lol. But to each her own.

          • guest

            I never said it wasn’t natural. I said that I believe that it is to be experienced/created/had (whatever other words apply) by married couples.

        • oscardgrouch

          Sex was around long before organized religion. If someone chooses to abstain before marriage, whether it’s based on religious beliefs or just wanting to eliminate the risk of stds/unwanted pregnancy, etc. It’s the individuals choice. Plain and simple.

          • guest

            Did I say it was not the individual’s choice? I read all my posts and nowhere did I state that everyone needs to follow my path. I simply stated my PERSONAL choice and beliefs.

    • Jordan Washington

      Sex wasn’t created for just married people. Sex is for anyone to express their love towards another person. You don’t have to be married to ‘create’ it.

      • me

        exactly… but you will burn in Hell for doing it while not being married. IJS

        • guest

          Sigh…
          People go to hell for having sex before marriage? Really?

        • Jordan Washington

          How would you know that? What I know is that other ‘Christians’ don’t tell people what’s going to happen to them. Last time I checked, you’re not God. Start loving, and stop trying to judge and condemning people in the name of God. God loves everyone.

      • guest

        Well, you have your opinion and I have mine. Like I stated in another post, I am religious. Therefore, sex is not to be had/created/experienced until marriage.

  • IwishIwasaVirgin

    Well look at Satan! Tricking young people in believing their purity is “wrong”. Go ahead and sleep around get to know yourself sexually. It’s a lot of STD’s, and HIV. No matter how you try to protect yourself, you are bound to slip up. We are living in time where we cannot get caught slipping up. I feel sorry for the young women. I would rather save myself for one than give my body away to every other guy I meet.

    • Chey

      God bless you for speaking the truth! Not enough people do.

      • Just saying!!

        Please hush. You both sound brainwashed.

        • Chey

          You hush and refrain from trying to dictate what I type on my keyboard.

      • Just saying!!

        …and she did not once mention that she should be sleeping around with everyone. Her point is that her body belongs to her and not the church, and ESPECIALLY not either of you! :)

    • Juliana

      You sound willfully ignorant to what that woman was saying. She is not saying fornicate with any and everyone, but understand yourself and your body as well as your desires. Using purity through abstinence just teaches women that their self worth, respectability and value as a woman lies in their ability to keep their legs closed, while holding men to a different standard. If you actually read the whole article on xojane she speaks about how being a virgin became an intrinsic part of her identity that when she lost it to her husband, she didn’t know what she had left as a woman.

      On top of that, you sound like condescending and judgmental of woman who choose to do with their sexuality as they please. There is nothing wrong with waiting to marriage, but there is everything wrong with guilting and shaming women (typically only women) into doing so. And you shouldn’t feel sorry for young women, you should feel sorry for people who are simple enough to believe that their virginity is where their value lies.

      • trustmelove

        Thank you, Juliana. Your post was everything and you stated it all very thoughtfully and intelligently.

      • Chey

        Sounds to me like you’re the one being judgmental. Funny how the only comment in favor of abstinence gets dragged, especially considering the fact that she said nothing wrong or derogatory towards people who choose to do the opposite. Hit dogs…

        • Juliana

          And let me quote, “Go ahead and sleep around get to know yourself sexually.” That is implying that if you’re engaging in sex, you must be sleeping with any and everyone. And the only person that sounds offended by my comment is you. I am not bashing abstinence as a 23 yr old virgin myself, but I have a problem with women being shamed for their sexuality and their choices as well as looking at their virginity as pinnacle of their worth as a woman and person. And I am relating to the author of the article and if you have a chance you should read the entire article to understand her hurt and pain in realizing that being a virgin as it is constructed in many churches was damaging to her self-worth.

          ETA: I did not drag her comment for being in favor of abstinence, I dragged her comment for viewing abstinence as the only way a woman should engage her sexuality. And stating she “feels sorry for young women”, which again reaffirms what the author is stating in the article. Goodness, have any of you read the article in its entirety.

          • IWishIWasAVirgin

            Juliana you have a lot of growing up to do! You’re 23 and trust me, your journey as an adult woman is just beginning. Prayerfully, if you are blessed to see my age you too will relate to what I’m saying. I’m not bashing anyone! I’m telling the truth. There is nothing out here in these streets by sexing different men. The only thing that comes out of fornicating is diseases, children and bunch of heartache. If I can save a young woman I will speak the truth!
            Humbly,
            I Wish I was a “Virgin”

            • Juliana

              I appreciate you comment, but my issue has more to do with women understanding the choice behind waiting until marriage and viewing their virginity as their sole source of self-worth and respectability. I think the the consequences of sex are vivid, but people are not always aware of how constructing virginity as the most important thing a woman has to offer is destructive. In addition to ignoring male virginity all together and placing the bulk of guilt and shame associated with sex on women. After reading the article, I feel for the author, her virginity was constructed in a manner that was detrimental to her identity and value not only as a woman, but a human. Then once she had sex with her husband, the shame and guilt still negatively impacted her.

              • Trisha_B

                Thank you. 100% agree w/ you

              • Rawtid

                very well said

              • guest

                Love.Your.Comment.

              • enlightenment

                EXACTLY. Tell ‘em! They don’t get it…no one is attacking anyone for choosing to be celibate or abstinent. We’re attacking the mentality that women should be ASHAMED of their sexuality…! The lady in the article has associated female sexuality with “impurity” for so long, it’s going to take years & years of therapy for her to become comfortable in her own skin.

            • Trisha_B

              You seem to be talking to a younger you. You obviously were who you are harshly judging smh. Hypocrite much? No one said anything about sexing different men. Saying the church controlled my body does not equate to I wish I would have slept w/ every Tom, Dixk, & Harry. You might as well say women should never have sex then b/c within marriage, children, disease, & heartache takes place A LOT! Why? B/c the church/society does not put the same pressure on guys like they do ladies. That’s the point of the woman’s story. (Which you most likely didn’t read).

              • Jordan Washington

                That’s why their name is IWishIWasAVirgin.

            • Jordan Washington

              Shut up. Your ignorance is preposterous.

            • Gabie Aldrich

              You are bashing! Please read the whole article..Don’t bother to write back!

            • Just saying!!

              Lol u don’t understand her comment so u use her age to dismiss it. Lol you’re still not getting the point of this. Perhaps you should try to read the article in entirety before commenting so quickly. It’s evident that you’re not even getting what the author is saying. And Juliana has told you many times it isn’t about sleeping with multiple people and yet you still bring that up. *sighs*

            • Sarita Alexander

              this is part of the problem. “the only thing to come out of fornicating is diseases, children and a bunch of heartache”. but men are not pressured to save their purity for their future wife. So it’s entirely possible that a woman will save herself and STILL contract a disease. Not being a virgin doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with any and everybody. Perhaps if you were taught healthy sexual attitudes and how to protect yourself you wouldn’t have diseases and unwanted children.

              • Ms.D19

                EXACTLY!!!

          • Gabie Aldrich

            Thank You!!!

        • Jordan Washington

          She was far from judgemental. The comment that she replied to is.

          • Chey

            *judgmental

        • Just saying!!

          Wtf? Can you read? That’s exactly what she was doing…judging someone for questioning the religious lifestyles/morals that were imposed on them. And in true, stereotypically “Christian” fashion, she denounced her legitimate feelings as Satan taking over. Ya know if u want to challenge the stereotype, how about we let God be God and quit letting these unworthy people try to play substitute. :)

      • louvres

        men and women are always hold to a different standard! But when it suits you, it’s not a problem..on another note, the problem is not the viriginity but how you live it!

    • Trisha_B

      “Go ahead and sleep around get to know yourself sexually…”

      You aren’t serious smh. To know your body, you don’t need to open your legs. A woman’s body belongs to her. She has the right to know what she likes, craves & enjoy. Not just lay there for a man. More women/girls need to know their bodies. & that can easily be done by yourself. Please get off your high horse & open that closet to see all them bones fall out

    • Diane Whauloknat Bridges

      Boy oh boy are you seeing through this lie! Poor soul! He is devouring these folks left and right .. I pray she develops a personal relationship with Jesus and start the healing process because she sounds hurt

    • Bklynjava

      Satan??? What do you mean by that??

    • Britney Robinson

      No one is saying sleep with every guy you date. But if you think you might get married then you should have sex with the person. Anyways in the bible people got married in their teens, they didn’t have to wait.

      • Just saying!!

        Thank youuu!! They did get married in their damn teens. This is what happens when u take a book that’s a zillion years old and try to apply it to current times LOL

    • sarasefree

      well satan get who wants to be begotten and purity is not wrong but we are not nor will we be pure because according to the bible we are all born sinners but that is psychological bullying/religious brainwashing to the extreme. so why will the marriage be pure because of her abstinence and not his …..so she might get an STD/HIV but he’ll not get one and maybe infect her anyways? this is sad, i think this was her decision to make and not the whole church and God loves us all.

  • guest

    Excellent article

  • Trisha_B

    This was sad :( …I do think it’s wrong to make a 10 yr old make such a huge commitment. At 10, you don’t even understand all of that. anyone under 16 shouldn’t make that commitment. I also don’t think it should take place in front of a whole church. That is a personal matter. If you want to make that commitment in front of your parents & pastor, fine. But to do so in front of a whole church, just seems wrong to me. Like people are gonna look at these young girls as brides & future sxual activity. Just gross lol
    The church should not make girls feel like their only purpose is to satisfy a man. Teach them about love & loving themselves 1st….I’m glad I was never pressured about my virginity.

    • Ms_Sunshine9898

      I have to disagree. At 10 years old I may not have und werstood everything about sex but I knew enough about it to figure it out and play dumb when it came to adults. Furthermore, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They can pick up on dumb stuff adults do, including knowing something isn’t right in your parents’ or a parent’s relationship. The whole basis of religion telling people to wait for marriage is because of the drama that comes along with sex. Imagine a world where everyone waited and had sex only in marriage. What is the likelihood that we would have STDs, broken homes due to infidelity, and single parent homes without an active male or in some cases, female role model? While agree that kind of commitment is personal and should not be done in a public environment, the church’s mission should be teaching young girls and boys that sex is about loving themselves enough to save themselves some serious heartache and drama that could likely occur as a result of premarital sex. . .

      • Trisha_B

        Kids are smarter than we think, yes. But at 10, still in elementary school, you do not understand the dynamics of marriage, love, & sex. Everything is black & white for little ones.

        & if everyone waited for marriage to have sex, it still wouldn’t stop std’s b/c people cheat. People always want more. Want their cake & eat it too. Married couples do divorce. So no, it wouldn’t be much different. Marriage should not just focus on virginity & sex. A lot more goes into a marriage than what a pastor preaches about concerning a young girl saving herself to have a good marriage

      • linda

        except that they do not have these “ceremonies” for boys, just girls. and typically, it’s the boy that leaves the relationship and the girl becoming a single mom. why are there no such stern “teaching” for boys? i bet every one of the pastors and ministers would cry foul if such things were created for boys. this is just another way for men to control women

        • Matthew Smith

          “It’s good to be da King !” ….. ;) jk

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