Hey Madame is our new advice column featuring each MadameNoire editors’ take on reader questions, giving you a wide range of perspectives on topics like you’d get from any good group of girlfriends. Read, enjoy, and if you have a question, email it to us at editors@madamenoire.com!
Hey Madame,
Should the title really matter if you have everything else?
Brande: It depends. Asking this question suggests titles matter to you and if the person you’re with isn’t offering something so important to you, you have to decide whether a title is a non-negotiable or something you can do without. If everything else is there without the title, it might seem like a trivial thing, but think about the reason people get married, it’s a demonstration of a higher commitment to one another, a covenant even. A title of girlfriend/boyfriend, in my opinion, demonstrates a higher level of commitment. It says we aren’t just kicking it or talking, we’re in a relationship together and if that matters to you, don’t accept less than that.
Lauren: Titles do matter if you want an exclusive relationship, because you do not want another woman enjoying your goods! Ha! But on a serious note, if you want to become a girlfriend, you need to address your vision with who you are dating. If he is in agreement with you, you both will take the necessary steps to make your relationship official. If not, I am pretty sure another man will come along to give you exactly what you need. Be mindful, sometimes becoming official happens over night or it may take longer. Whatever the timeline, do not add pressure or give ultimatums. Ask for what you need and live your life by making the best decisions for you.
Jazmine: Different things matter to different people. But considering that you’ve written in, it’s apparent that titles matter to you. Having everything else is great, but if you need exclusivity and it’s not being given to you, it’s probably time to reassess things and figure out if this is the best situation for you.
Veronica: Simply put, yes. By asking this question, it seems like you want a title. And you should have that. It seems simple but it’s not too much to ask at all, especially if you truly have everything else. Typically, I find that people (read: men) who avoid titles either have some serious relationship scars they’ve yet to deal with or they use not having a title as an excuse to still act like they’re single.
Victoria: I agree that it depends. If you’re okay with not having a title, then keep having fun and see where things go. But I personally think a title makes a relationship more serious, and if that’s what you’re looking for — a serious relationship — then yes, it does matter. Base your concerns about titles off of what you’re seeking from this man.
