Single And Misunderstood: Annoying Misconceptions People Have About Single Women

July 31, 2014  |  

 

misconceptions about single women

Corbis

To be 30, single and black…and a woman. The older women get, the more our single status is considered a spinster curse by those on the outside looking in. People automatically begin making assumptions about our lives and conjure up their own guesses as to why we’re single. Some are sympathetic, others simply nosy to know why we haven’t tied the knot or why we’ve been un-hitched for so long.

Single black women are misunderstood by most and misconceptions run prevalent out of spectators’ mouths. Here are just a few of those ludicrous misconceptions.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

We spend our nights eating ice cream and watching chick flicks

Although there are some women who eat away their single girl blues and spend nights watching cheesy romantic comedies or reality television, this is not all of us. Single girls do many of the same things women in relationships do, just minus a man. Don’t believe the hype. When nighttime comes we’re not dipping spoons in Gelato while watching Love and Hip Hop–well, at least not every night.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

We want to be ‘hooked-up’

While the gesture is nice, every single woman doesn’t want to be introduced to your cousin’s friend’s roommate. We don’t want the little nice lady at church trying to arrange a meeting with her son who just got out of  a relationship. Blind dates are not the answer to our prayers. This isn’t to say we won’t accept a ‘hook-up’ every now and then, but it’s not something that we’re always open to or even excited about.

30 Is Not The New 20

Shutterstock

We are always actively looking for a man

Every single woman is not broadcasting that she is single and taking applications. Some of us are simply going with the flow. When it happens, it will happen. Some people believe that we choose our places to go based on the caliber of men we think will be there. My life does not revolve around looking for a man and I’m sure many other single women can agree.

 

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

It’s awkward for us to be around couples

Let’s face it, no one prefers to be the only single person in a crowd of couples. While it’s not necessarily something we love, it doesn’t mean that we are uncomfortable in that kind of environment. What’s even worse is when a a couple shows you extra attention simply so you won’t feel like an outcast. Single women are not looking for sympathy.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

We are all crazy

While I have questioned my sanity a time or two (joking! kind of…), most single women are not crazy simply because they’re single. It’s disrespectful to assume that a woman has emotional issues or is unstable because she doesn’t have a man, or in some cases, doesn’t find herself in long-term relationships. It gets under my skin when a man tries to diagnose why I’m single by saying, ‘You’re so pretty and successful…you must be crazy.”

WENN

WENN

Our standards are too high

Every single woman does not have a Chilli checklist. I repeat, every single woman DOES NOT have a Chilli checklist.

If you are considered successful, educated and get at least a few ‘hollas’ a day, some people automatically assume you have an uncompromising checklist preventing you from finding the right man. Every woman, single or in a relationship, should have some standards, and being single for longer than what most consider an appropriate time doesn’t mean that we should lower them to get a man.

Corbis

Corbis

We want to be single

Okay, this misconception may seem to go against everything that I’ve said,  but there are a few people out there who believe that some single women choose to be that way. And this can be the case for some, but not all. While we may be okay living the single life, it doesn’t mean that we all prefer being without a man and like to say, “I can do bad all by myself!” Some assume that a handful of single women are enjoying the single life way too much and aren’t ready for commitment. This isn’t always the case.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Single automatically equals lonely

Being single doesn’t mean that we are lonely, crying ourselves to sleep at night. Single is not synonymous with lonely. It’s as if people forget that single women also have friends and family to talk to and hang out with. Everything does not revolve around a man.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Single women are male bashers

Contrary to popular belief, my single girlfriends and I don’t spend all of our conversations bashing men–maybe some, but not all.
I don’t think every man is a dog. I don’t hate men or believe that every relationship is doomed for failure. Being single has not tainted my image of relationships.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

We fear commitment

Single men aren’t the only ones who get a bad rep when it comes to commitment.  Some people may chalk up your single status to fear: fear of being hurt, fear of commitment, etc. But really, there are single women are open to love and not fearful of giving their heart away when the right man comes along.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You’re Ms. Too Independent

While most of my single friends and I are heavily engrossed in our careers and take care of ourselves, it doesn’t mean that we have a don’t-need-a-man mentality. Some people are intimidated by a woman’s success and automatically assume that it’s standing in the way of her finding love. This can be the case for some women who are accustomed to taking care of themselves for so long, but it’s not the situation for every single gal.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

We hate weddings

While I don’t see myself walking down the aisle anytime soon, I love to see others confess their love before God, family and friends. For some reason, some people believe that weddings make single women emotional in the wrong way. All single women do not detest weddings or even watch with envy.

 

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

We take dates too seriously

When I go out on a date, I can’t help but wonder if I could see myself dating the person for a while. However, I don’t have dreams of us walking down the aisle, or make demands during our first few dates. Sometimes dates are just that. And because a woman is single, it does’t automatically mean that when she accepts a date, she’s ready to be someone’s girl and pop out their baby. It’s just a date. We get it.

"Happy woman smiling pf"

Shutterstock.com

It’s been years since I’ve been in an ‘official’ committed relationship. I’ve dated but it’s been a while since I’ve introduced someone as my man and was introduced as his girl. Some days I wonder how long my drought will last, but it’s not something that consumes me.

I’ve had many opportunities to be in relationships but chose to remain single because the person or the timing wasn’t right. Just like me, many single women are happily living their lives without a man. That doesn’t mean that we don’t see ourselves in relationships sooner than later, but it sure doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with us either. Get it? Got it? Good.

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  • ammergene

    EXCELLENT ARTICLES. THANKS.

  • The Black Ninja

    Not every woman wants a man. There are those that like women just as much. Next time, you should say partner or something to that effect. Having the focus strictly on men, is kind of lame.

  • SeKeithia

    I Now Pronounce You Single and Happy!!! Amazon bestseller and a must read for the single woman and even those married. It breaks down the misconceptions and showcases how being single doesnt mean you are miserable. GO TO AMAZON NOW

  • ebonyhud

    Being a young woman, the comments under this article are mad disappointing. I thought the root goal in life was to be happy and the best possible you. Finding love is an extra, not a loss if you don’t find it or want it.

    • Single life

      I agree! As I’m reading these comments my heart hurts for the younger generation who will one day get to age where they want to date, get married and have children and, the fact of the matter is if reading these comments from the brothers that have posted and if that’s what to come… I’m very sad for the next generation…… We def dont need anyone else to know us down because we do a good job at knocking each other down…. Smh I’m so disappointed with some of these I refuse to even spend another moment of my time responding to these comical replies. Most of the black men think I want $$$ and to be a trophy, I have someone else who wants me to drop my religion to get a man, and lets not forget about the last post that suggest every man wants a younger woman. I guess most ppl posting have never heard of Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, and many more that have found live and have had babies after the age of 35. I’m so glad that at the end of the day I could at least get a good laugh from some of this ridiculous post!

  • GeekMommaRants

    It is my opinion that alot of women in the US want to prove their indepedence to themselves. Technically, today folks can live indepednetly, because of technology. In the past 300 years this was impossible.

  • MsLadyE

    Some other misconceptions I’ve heard people say about single women:

    1. We get a pet “so we don’t get lonely”: Pets are nice, but they’re not substitutes for men.
    2. We’re depressed because we don’t have a man: Not always.
    3. We eat frozen dinners and takeout every night: Some of us COOK.
    4. We’re “happy with Jesus alone” if we’re single & Christian: GIVE ME A BREAK!
    5. We’re unattractive/homely/plain: There are beautiful women who are single.
    6. We’re gay: Some are but not all.
    7. We’re man-hating feminists: Some feminists are MARRIED.
    8. We spend all our money on shoes, vacations, etc.: We don’t all do that.
    9. We go to every singles cruise to meet men: Not all of us do.

    The only one on this list that my family says about me being single is that I have standards that are too high. So I’m supposed to date any old knucklehead just because he’s a man? PLEASE!

    • Ayisha

      I get that too!! My standards are too high, that is a real insult to me, like why should I settle? Also I’ve had men who have angrily argued me down because I refuse to date men with kids. My logic is, If I don’t have any children and I don’t want any what makes you think I want yours??? Then when I pose the question to them, why are you trying to date a women WITHOUT KIDS…and they become speechless.

      • SoYouWantMeToDoWhatNow?!

        “My logic is, If I don’t have any children and I don’t want any what
        makes you think I want yours??? Then when I pose the question to them,
        why are you trying to date a women WITHOUT KIDS…and they become
        speechless” Yes to all of this! I’m with you. I’ve made it this long without kids, dude, that’s not luck, it’s called a conscious decision.

        • Ayisha

          Thank You sister the perfect words I was looking for @ conscious decision. It’s just that simple! But men think you’re supposed to accept them 5 kids and all no I will not.

          • SoYouWantMeToDoWhatNow?!

            Lol! Men are hilarious. I had a man tell me that he wanted me to have his baby. I’m like dude, let me take the time out to tell you that is not a compliment.

            • Ayisha

              You’re funny! !”that is true like how about I want you to be my wife! Smh

      • Single life

        You should be able to date who you want w no explanation! I agree, if I don’t have kids what make you think I want yours?!?! My age doesn’t dictate me lowering my standards. I want what I want… Point blank and period. There isn’t lowering my standards. I think many people look at relationships as making them “whole” I’m already “whole” a relationship doesn’t complete me it compliments me…..I know my worth and by no means will I settle….

        • Ayisha

          Preach please. It’s so frustrating and I’m glad someone understands my views. I’ve had men tell me the chances of me finding a man without kids is slim to none oh well I guess I will remain single.

        • YungAmbition

          Your age may not dictate you lowering your standards. I agree its your personal choice, the reality is that your stock itself will fall, because men even older ones are attracted to younger women.

          • Single life

            Maybe I missed something … But not every man or older man is attracted to younger woman. That may be YOUR intake, but that’s not a fact. That’s like saying every black kid comes from a single mom household… That’s not a fact…again it’s simply a stereotype.

            • YungAmbition

              I never said all, I said most. I didn’t intend to offend you

              • Single life

                Re read you comment. The word “most” is NO where to be found. That’s neither here nor there, you def have not offended me. It’s takes a lot to offend me & reading comments from ppl I will never meet… Def doesn’t come close to offending me! Everyone is due to their own option regardless to how comical I may find them. So, no you def have not offended me… You haven’t even come close -:)

      • KeepingItReal

        Men with kids should go back to dating the mother with whom they have the kids.

        • Ayisha

          Lol lol soooooooooooooooooooo true.

  • MissRebel

    Once again.single women have to many articles.idk why I’ve never had trouble having a good guy. Its just that I might be a bad choice cause I wasn’t ready to settle. For statistics when you grown that doesn’t apply. Being a teen mother is a statistic. Get it right okay to the ones 30 an above who don’t want or need a man or a baby or baby daddy or whatever. Doesnt make u better than anyone.why u gotta comply to every article about the single woman. Enjoy your single life get off the net proving how good u are. But the comments on here are hilarious lol

    • Ayisha

      None is as hilarious as yours!

      • Single life

        Right! Her comment was not even wasting my time w a response… Speaking of hilarious I’m glad she finds the comments funny, because hers take the cake with being funny!

        • MissRebel

          I found yours funny cause ur lonely gtfoh

      • MissRebel

        Doesn’t matter bishhh read the picture next to my name

        • Ayisha

          You are so very corny..lol lol lol

    • Single life

      The last time I checked you can become a statistic at any age. There isn’t an age limit to becoming a statistic! If I were to have a baby out if wedlock at any age… That would make me a statistic, if I were to get married and later divorced… That would make me a statistic….statistics comes in many forms I’m not sure who/where you were told after a certain age you can’t become a statistic. Again, another useless comment but someone who clearly doesn’t even know the meaning of “statistic”… Do some research…

  • Cogito

    From a masculine perspective, this article, just as most other articles do not really go beyond the surface in exposing the impediments that preclude women (who are desirous of relationship/marriage) in this demographic from doing so. It is not their independent spirit to do for self or their defining themselves apart from the relationship; rather it is oftentimes their inability to show and demonstrate NEED for and to a man despite their independence.

    Men feel or see no point in sharing his sovereignty if there is no real need for him. This need is not necessarily financial in natural, but more of a biological gender requisite thing : women need to be loved and cherished and men to be valued and NEEDED and too often, accomplished women lose sight or ignore this imperative. I once counseled a successful sister who was struggling in her marriage. After about an hour of her telling me that she felt hubby was detached and pulling away; I told her to simply break some sh!t and ask for his help. To ask his masculine perspective and guidance on some unresolved issues; communicate a NEED for him in her life and it did the trick.

  • Honeybee

    Good article. The bottom line is..”love” just doesn’t happen for every woman. And there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s no need for others to put people down because they aren’t so lucky or assume things about their mental state. That’s just life. You can’t have everything. Might as well make the most of what you’ve got.

    • Single life

      Couldn’t have said it better -:)

    • Ayisha

      So true!! I’ve always said that not all women are going to be fortunate to find the “one”

  • Ayisha

    I’m 30 Childless, Educated and a never be en married Single Black woman and proud. There isn’t a soul on this earth that will convince me there is something wrong with me. I’ve had two long relationships 5 and 6 years respectively and for me both were extremely exhausting and a complete waste of my precious and valuable time.

    I’m a very loyal, caring, down to earth, hardworking woman. I have my own place and I can cook and clean, but the men I was involved with didn’t appreciate it until I left them. I’m convinced that a lot of men are just not willing to be committed, loyal , honorable or moral. I do not hate men especially my black brothers but I’ve giving up on relationships along time ago, I’m just tired.

    My life is my own and no man is entitled to it

    • YungAmbition

      Uhhhhhhhhh, bitter?

      • Ayisha

        No, at peace….Have a good weekend

      • Live_in_LDN

        I’m struggling to see what part of that woman’s comment could be interpreted as ‘bitter’.

        • Ayisha

          I was wondering the same thing!

  • Are people really assuming? Or do you feel the need to explain yourself,i never analyzed being single that deeply.

  • mizz new money 2u

    Because it’s my prerogative ( it’s my nineties BObby Brown voice)

  • MrsMommy

    One thing I do not do is watch “chick flicks.” I absolutely hate seeing spoiled white girls sitting up and whining for over an entire hour about Nothing in their little baby voices, and with their little girl scout ways.

  • Single life

    I am so glad Bossip took the time out to do this article. I am a single, educated, childless, never been married 35 year old female. As stated above, I do NOT spend my days on my couch with a bowl if ice cream nor do I spend my weekends in search of a man. I’m so tired of ppl making it see mad though I’m not “normal” because I don’t have a relationship. In my opinion ppl should take note! I’m not out becoming a statistic making babies with men that 9/10 times will only carry the “baby daddy” title. It’s so sad that ppl in today’s society “Shame” single ppl; being single is not the end of the world nor does it mean that I have no life because I CHOOSE to be single & wait on the person that GOD puts into my life… Thank you Bossip for this article!

    • Tyrone

      Stop lying. I bet you’re one of those delusional women that dream about finding a rich man to marry you and spend his money. Didn’t happen huh? Buahahaha!!You’re 35 translation too old to be a trophy wife. You might as well drop your delusional standards.

      • LMAO! Her expiration date has come and gone. No rich guy is looking for an old 35y/o woman to marry.

        • Cindy

          Donald Trump beotch! 35 aint too old.

        • Single life

          I’m confused on why me bring 35 means that I’m looking for a rich guy?!!! How does the two correlate?

          • Lisa

            Ignore it girl! Black men have this new found love of tearing down black women and trying to make them feel like they will never find anyone if they are over 30.

            Don’t believe the hype…

            Funny though I never get these comments from other races of men…so perhaps you should consider that. I’m 31 by the way.

            • Single life

              Your comment is sad but true! & I must agree, playing for the other team ( interracial dating) is probablythr best decision I’ve made.

              • TT

                Yes go date a white man and be called a nîgga bîtch by his family.

          • Live_in_LDN

            Don’t mind the resident trolls. They suffer from a severe case of autism. They read something, such as your comment but their brain processes it comppletely backwards, upside down and inside out so that they understand it as something else entirely.

            • you’reAnIdiot

              Not sure why of all the disease processes you chose Autism for your example which was inaccurate by the way. I think dyslexia or an actually reading comprehension disorder like an injury to the non-dominate parietal lobe.

              • Live_in_LDN

                Autism isn’t a ‘disease’, its a cognitive disorder. Individuals with autism do not mentally process information the same way as those without. Those with autism often have poor or no communication skills as a result, have trouble understanding social cues and take everything.literally. Whilst those with dyslexia have trouble reading, they don’t posess those problems that i listed. So yeah, i was.right to use autism

      • STOP

        Nyugga, did she say that in her post?

        STFU F@GGOT.

      • Single life

        Actually I’m neither! I’m not delusional and I don’t dream of being with a “rich” man. My family has their own riches and I don’t need anyone to provide $$ or material things to me! I never made mention of my standards, why assume my standards play a role in my “single” status?!?

    • MrsMommy

      Girl, this is just an article written by some white chick or ripped off from one. Chill the phugg out.

    • We know u don’t spend your time on the couch eating ice cream or spend your weekends chasing after men. Your free time is spend on these blogs intended for bitter women complaining about not having a man.

    • guest

      I don’t want to assume…are you religious? I read a article recently talking about how many religious women never get married. Its hard enough these days since men don’t want to get married as much anymore but based on your likely criteria the law of averages say a lot of yall wont. There’s just not enough quality men available. In society in general but especially in your world. Sitting back waiting might not be the best plan.

      • Rachael

        I’m trying to understand….. You said their just aren’t enough quality men available but yet you suggest she drop her religious (if she is religious) stance to marry a man who probably isn’t a quality man- JUST so she can get to the altar? Why? Seeing so many people get to the altar with the wrong person is pretty much why most people don’t want to get married or believe in marriage in the first place.

        • SpeakingTruth

          Yeah, guest’s comment is very paradoxical and doesn’t make any sense.

      • Single life

        Drop my religion to find a man#worseadviceever

    • justsayin

      I hope that you would like to at least have a child. It’s something every WOMEN should experience, if you are pyhsically able to. With or without a husband you can adopt. It’s okay to let your guard down some, relax and go get your groove back. Be safe, their are decent men available out there. Maybe ur fantasy guy is on the way. Good luck!

      • ok

        no dammit..every woman should not have children..thats part of the problem now!

      • SpeakingTruth

        Excuse me? Every woman should experience? That’s exactly why baby mama hood is so got damn rampant, and not every woman wants to be a mother. So ignorant of you.

        • Raven2014

          Thank you! its comments like that that have gotten black females heads soo stuck up in their ovaries that they fail to realize they’re selfishly birthing kids into struggles. only females that have spit out kids left and right would even try to say that mess to someone who doesn’t want kids at all.

        • Single life

          I agree. To suggest that every woman have a baby.. C’mon..,.thats some pretty bad advice!

      • You have a child don’t you? Girl stop not every women need to be a mother,actually less women should be mothers.

      • Ayisha

        No it is not. You’ve said that 3 times on various articles. I don’t want kids never have and never will

      • Guest

        Not every woman SHOULD or wants to experience motherhood. It’s okay to let her guard down? Jeez what am I reading here? People need to back off or just stfu.

      • SoYouWantMeToDoWhatNow?!

        Why is having a child “something every [sic] woman should experience”? I don’t want kids, like ever, so I’m pretty sure that’s not something I want to or (per your advice) should do. I must say that is an interesting choice of words. However, I do think agree there are some decent men available–if you can wade through the ones that aren’t.

      • KeepingItReal

        I love children and I am an excellent nurturer. With that said….I think it is UTTERLY IRRESPONSIBLE to deliberately have a child without first being married and in a loving, healthy stable marriage FIT FOR THE REARING OF A CHILD. Raising a child is not a game and I would NEVER gamble on the life of any child in such a manner. As great as many black women are…black children need more than a mother…they need a father, too. As far as adoption…no disrespect but you don’t know what you’re getting and I wouldn’t gamble with my life. There was a story awhile back of a black couple who adopted a child and was arrested for returning the child to foster care. So…biological parents can abandon their child but an adoptive parent…who realized they took on too much, can’t?? I, personally wouldn’t adopt a child because there are too many nuts out there producing nutty kids and I just don’t have the time for that.

        • Miss_Racquel

          Riiiighttt like two “normal” loving married parents can’t have “nutty” kids! Adopting a child in need is a gamble just like birthing your own child because, just like you dont know who you’re adopting, you have absolutely no idea who you’re giving birth to either. I’ve heard many stories of crazy kids coming from happy loving homes!

    • Honeybee

      Preach. It’s better for any woman to be alone that with the wrong one, who would just make your life miserable anyway. Love and marriage just isn’t in the cards for some people. Just gotta live your life and try to be a good person. There are things in this world we simply have no control over. And that’s just life. I’m divorced, but i’ve got my two kids. Without them, I’d have nothing. So I just make the most of my time with them.

    • Thnks for sharing but b mindful about sharing your business on blogs. Ppl take it and run with it.

      • Single life

        I wouldn’t consider a topic on being single “business” but thanks for the advice -:)