Are You Chasing Away Good Men?

March 6th, 2011 - By nativenotes

2.) Sisters looking for Barack Obama who have yet to achieve their Michelle status.
Having standards is one thing, but this new Barack Obama standard is troubling for a number of reasons.  Firstly, Barack Obama is in his late 40′s, so holding men in their mid twenties, even 30′s to his accomplishments is unrealistic. Our president is the sum of hard work and a strong support system, he didn’t come to Michelle as the amazing man he is today. So before you chase away the next “John Williams” or whatever his name is understand that the brother is a work in progress and with team work you too might end up being that power couple you admire.

There was a brother at the Madame Noire panel about “8 Reasons to Date a White Man.”  He was a handsome brother who owned his home, drove a nice car, seemed to be well read. Sadly this responsible brother wouldn’t make the cut on most women’s lists because he does not have a college degree. What a shame! Here we have a great brother, looking to treat a woman like a queen and is very capable but because he’s missing that one criteria on your list, he’s been cut out of the equation.

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  • Not so happy

    Black women have issues like most women, but the bad attitude and having to many babies has to go. I am a black man and i love black sisters, but i am sick and tired of be rejected by them. Just today i said hello to a fellow black sister and the response i got made me feel worthless. By the way, I was not trying to ask her out or anything it was just a simple hello…and i get a frown. The exact opposite happens when i say hi to a white chick, it usually a big smile and a hello back and no attitude…then tell me why i should even consider talking to women like this. i know what you are going to say…."not all black women are like that" . i know, not all are like that….but the ugly fat ones and the baby mamas are very polite…u know why; because no one wants them that's why they are nice. I am tired of this please attractive single black women give your fellow black brothers a chance.

  • Kellen

    I don't if I would say that black women are chasing away good black. Who is to say that any us, male or female, are good to begin with. We all have a upside and a downside. Moreover, what may be considered to be a good for one woman may not be the same for next. Me as a black male, I believe that black females have to separate external pressures when determining what they want to see in a good black man. Don't let 'what everyone else defines as a good black man (having a career and stable life in most cases) be your individual determining factor. To begin with, make sure that you like the man. Don't sike yourself into being there in a situation because one of us black is supposedly good; no one has time to waste. But I think the most important fact is what females let us a males get away with. Good or not, if you let someone take advantage of you, they will. Females have to establish that strength and respect from day one; if you start off with the same tendencies as a not so good woman, you will never be able to land or maintain a relationship with any good men. Specifically, we all realize that we as men often think with the head below the beltline when we first meet women instead using the heads on our necks. All women need to force us as men (this goes for the good men too) to think with heads on our necks. With that said, i think that any comment on this subject can only be a starting point for the beginning of interactions. At some point, ambiguity invades the relationship and people will have to adapt along the way. Someone who is not only good in general, but also good for you will be able change in his adapting relationship.

  • http://twitter.com/starlettjo StarJo

    you are so right. but how can I keep myself from falling for a bad boy?? silly, I know:( finding the right guy is SOO difficult… :(

  • Liza207

    First off, studies have shown that women no matter their race or ethnicity prefer men who have achieved the same level of education or more than them.

    Secondly, when is there going to be articles written on how men are chasing away good women or just flat out rejecting them for low quality women who only have “easy sex” to offer them. And I mean, women who are seeking a quality male counterpart and know exactly what they want in a partner. I know so many wonderful high quality women of all races who are single and are having a hard time finding a decent mate. I'm so tired of hearing about what we are doing wrong or that our singleness is our fault. I can say with confidence that when it comes to finding a quality/decent man of any race the pickings are quite slim.

  • NavyGuy

    That's kind of a good point you made there, but being a brother in that EXACT situation, all I can say is that you just have to be secure in your relationship with your partner. At first when situations like that would arise with my wife and her friends, it was kind of awkward for me, but as our love and devotion got stronger, and as I became more secure in our relationship, it doesn't bother me at all. Like she says to me, if she wanted a doctor or a lawyer, she would have went out and found one. But she wanted someone who would love her for her, and that's what she has.

  • real

    People,

    Whatever happen to black love? For too long now we have become people of hate and mistrust more than people of LOVE. I’ve been married this year 14 years an the foudation is love and trust. Money, college degrees, fine cars, and houses have not one single thing to do with real love. While we have those things today we started with nothing and not 40 years old yet. We went thru tough times but we didnt let materail things be the frame work of the relationship. You work together to get these things and hell once you get them you have to work twice as hard to keep them. What people don’t understand is marriage is a process that you are never totally prepared for. But the best way to begin looking is at the heart and soul of a person an that comes with TIME. We so impatient now days until we never get to know a person before we invest emotions in to them. From a mans prospective a Wife has a certain look and feel about her and the real truth is not all women are Wiffy material. Too many of our sisters have invested too much into looking Trashy instead of Classy. I believe the black woman is the best of God’s creation, yes Lawd.lol but y’all got to go back an re think some stuff an take your rightful place. Lets stop having babies out of wedlock, lets pull back on all these silly tatoos, guess what as men we love you the way you are, Enough with the Wigs and the Quik Weaves are whatever that fake mess is..let’s go back to the basic, when I hold the door for you
    say Thank You. Put a smile on that pretty face and stop looking so mean all the time. Respect yourself and see what kind of men will start paying some attention.

    • shoppegirl

      Yes, yes!! Did i say, yes!! lol.. but uh..i will still put on some fake hair on a bad hair day.. I'm just saying ;)

  • BrownSuga

    @ Zora

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! Thank you for being real sista. I appreciate your brutal honesty and your comments regarding this article have definitely been on point. You seem like a woman with a lot of wisdom and common sense. Continue dropping that knowledge on these fools and let em' know. LOL.

  • InnocentTruth

    Why in the hell is that Nora chick trolling this website? Damn she is angry! I bet she checks this website once an hour to read comments. At the end of the day, people who have significant others are not concerned with this issue. Only people who are lonely and desperate have time to come on this page and write their life story about love and relationships. I would bet all the money in the world that this Nora chick is fat. desperate, and lonely. And before anyone talks smack to me about my comments please understand that unless you wish to prove that your not fat and desperate I'm really not interested in debating this issue. Thanks!

  • killurself

    BOOM! POW! Take that, Take that, Take that. lol. Love ur response, though for him ignorance is bliss.

  • Amma

    Whoever wrote this article, please note that not all black women at " their core … truly want the love of a black man".
    Not everyone is looking for a particular colour at their core. To assume black women do is racist. Be careful.

  • Please Stop!!!

    Dear Madame Noire,

    I know that this website allows for people to voice their opinions, but please stop allowing people to right foolishness like this article. I will list some reasons below:

    1. You don't know First Lady Michelle Obama personally and you don't know the details of her past relationships or her relationship with President Obama.

    2. I don't want to be First Lady Michelle Obama I going to be myself, even though I have the up most respect for her and the President and First Lady's relationship I do not strive to be her, but to be my best self.

    3. Just because a man has a job, house, cars and other material possessions that does not make him good. It's amazing how many people do not really know what that word means, I am not talking about characteristics that people attribute to the word, but what the actual word means. For your information Webster’s Dictionary defines good as having right and proper qualities, beneficial, valid, healthy or sound; virtuous, honorable, enjoyable and pleasant. Synonyms for good include satisfactory, useful, favorable, fit, just, honest and true. The characteristics that are associated with the word good are relative to each individual, organism and species.

    4. Having gone to school and being educated are not the same thing either. There are a lot of schooled fools out there. Not going to school most likely is not the major reason why men are having difficulties finding a mate. Plus using wisdom and good judgement will take you further in life than just going to school.

    5. Every female organism and species of animal has characteristics that they find attractive in potential mates just because the potential suitor thinks they have satisfactory characteristics does not mean that the one being courted will think they are.

    6. Since none of you are sociologists or anthropologists I would suggest that you reframe from giving opinions about the attributes of women of other ethnicities and cultures particularly because you know nothing about them and frankly very little about your own.

    I Will leave you with one more parting thought; just like black men can leave black women for other women of other ethnicities and cultures, they can always leave you for wealthier, greater and more attractive individuals than you too.

    • BrownSuga

      @ Please Stop

      I love your response to the article. You speak the truth and I think that you should have written this article instead lol.

  • innovatoor09

    Here we go again with bashing the blackwomen. If a man is running away, its because he wants to. I've dated black and white men. They all have issues. White men think bad about their women, just like black men do about us. A good man or women has nonething to do with status, or money. There are lot's of relationships like the Obama's, but it takes work to make it last. We are living in different times, and people have more options with online dating. People can reach to different countries to find a mate, and nobody wants to make a committment, or a decision when it comes to relationships. Please stop blaming black women as if we our the whole problem, to such a difficult issue in this society.

  • Mrs Found His Rib

    @Really Now – so, in order for you to be in a relationship, you must be coupled with a bobble-headed doormat? Wow. They all probably let you cheat on them (or sleep with their friends too, huh?)

    There are plenty of black women who are not into drama or headaches and don't want you for your money, we have our own, thanks.

    I got married when I found the man who recognized this….maybe you are the one who needs a vision adjustment….just a thought.

  • Really Now

    I stopped dating black women a long time ago. Best decision I ever made; less drama, less headaches, and more money in my pockets.

    • Killurself

      Your fishing in muddy waters & somehow black women are to blame? Poor you, Yey us. Thanks for dismissing yourself, saved us time.

      • River

        Thank you we appreciate it so much and give up on your mama too….

  • edgar

    Excuse me Zora ,but last time i checked there are some women who are sleeping with men with money just to get kids.A good example Lauren London,Nivea,Toya who had kids with LIL Wayne just because of his money. How can you say all men are pimps yet when i turn on the TV i see women degrading themselves for money. Relationships are a double edged sword and both parties are responsible for the decline of the black community.I personally feel women don't chase after men with potential, they want the finished product and that rarely happens. Also women dont seem to realise for every one man there are four or more women to date or marry,and lets not forget the large number of single mom's,the jobless women and the loose women.So unfortunately educated black men can deal with less drama from our sisters and date elsewhere,last time i checked women do not look at race anymore.I personally feel our educated sisters have an inflated ego especially when they have a career.

    • Jean

      I do agree with you on one point, there are a lot of females that are out for the main chance. But that still does not mean that a male (whatever race) has to take whatever is put before him. It's almost like eating to much fast food, just because it is there does that mean you have to partake?? I am a educated woman who will not take just anything out here, that debases me as a person. I do not rely on anyone to take care of me that is not a way to meet anyone decent. Any good relationship is a give and take with both parties knowing this and respecting each other in a way that they know is genuine. And last but no least there are some black women that have career's that do not have a inflated ego, they just will not take to much foolishness from the very ones who are suppose to be their partners i.e black men. So please do not put blanket statments out there about a group when it is just not true.

    • http://www.twitter.com/golden_standard golden_standard

      Imma have to disagree w/ u on a couple points edgar. First, we don't know why Lauren London, Nivea, & Toya had kids with Lil Wayne (besides the obvious reason: unprotected sex). Toya was pregnant & married to Lil Wayne before he was rich. Second, I am so tired of men resenting educated sisters; I've worked hard and made sacrafices. For the men I date it's not a prerequisite that they be as educated as I am. I have a job, I expect my suitors to to have jobs; they don't have to be professionals just because I'm a professional…they do have to have a good job wth decent pay and benefits. A janitor, aspiring rapper, or fast food cook isn't compatable with my lifestyle & would probaby mean that we do not have much in common at least not enough to build a relationship or a life together. Our priorities, focus, life esperience,& goals are different. And quite frankly, he probably won't be able to afford the lifestyle I have worked hard to afford. I appreciate a man with potential & I have no problem helping you to reach it, but I can't let his dead weight drag me down either.

  • Superchick

    I LOVE this article. Very well done NativeNotes. Alot of women (and men) are walking into relationships with double standards. They're expecting him to be Superman, when you're not a Superchick (wink). Change of subject: It's also baffling to me that some women do not truly understand what it means to let your man 'take care of you'. You can be Miss Independent, and let your man be the man. These ladies walk around with an invisible "I'm too good for you" or "I got issues" stamp on their forehead, and don't realize it, but guess what— all the men see it.