Before we get too far into this conversation let’s remember that people shouldn’t feel the pressure of societal norms to make decisions in their personal lives. I’ve met several men and women who aren’t married and don’t desire to be married at any point in their life. I think I speak for everyone when I say that people who don’t want to be married should stay away from all people who do want to get married.
That won’t stop confusion from mounting over trying to reach a level of understanding around marriage in relationships, though. Most people don’t want to waste their time and, sadly, most people aren’t forthright with their longterm relationship plans. There are several people who end up dating a man for years only to find out in the end he doesn’t see her as the one for him long term. Many of these women wish they could’ve found this out early on and never wasted their time, but the reality is these men typically leave signs. And, truthfully, it’s not that hard to see them.
Many women put themselves in positions where they don’t want to see certain behavior for what it is or trust peoples words, but I can save you some time and heartache. If a man never mentions marriage, he isn’t interested in it. If he never mentions marriage with you, he isn’t interested in marrying you.
Despite the simplicity of those statements, people still tell lies and their actions almost never line up. If you’ve found yourself in a situation as such, here are three signs he’s not interested in marriage:
- He chooses quantity, but not quality as it pertains to you – He may spend a lot of time with you. He may spend a lot of money on you. However, he’s reluctant to give you the genuine interactions that lead you to believe he wants you to be a part of his inner circle. He doesn’t introduce you to his close friends, he hasn’t introduced you to his family, and/or he doesn’t spend important days with you.
- He still considers it “you and him” and not “us.” – One of the easiest ways to tell whether he’s planning for a future together is to pay attention to the way he words things. Anybody can talk a good game but they always slip up. I know for a fact that most men can’t keep a charade going forever. Sooner or later, either in his words or his actions, you realize there is no “us,” it’s just two individuals choosing to spend time together. It is at this point that you should bail as soon as possible.
- He still keeps secrets – If he’s still reluctant to let you into his private space then he’s not planning on ever marrying you. A few things I think truly builds the foundation of a marriage is truth, honesty and openness. These secrets may not even affect you or hurt your feelings but what they do is draw your attention to the fact that he has them. It may be things that he tells you he only feels comfortable sharing with his immediate family or closest friends but if he’s planning on marrying you, that’s part of his responsibility. (Full disclosure: There are several men who marry women and continue to keep secrets anyway; I’m just offering up a sign that he may not even try and marry you.)
All in all, you’ll have to make your own decisions. You’ll have to judge a man’s character and actions for yourself. You also may come to the conclusion that he isn’t’ trying to marry you and you’re perfectly okay with that. However, if you’re dating for purpose and you’re not getting what you want out of the situation then you should move on expeditiously. Don’t waste too much time in a flawed relationship that you know will never give you what you truly want. You’re better off moving on than staying in a relationship and trying to convince someone to do something they really don’t want to do.