Straight From His Mouth: How Can You Tell Whether He’s Interested In Marriage?

19 comments
July 21, 2014 ‐ By Dr. J

 

Interested In Marriage

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Before we get too far into this conversation let’s remember that people shouldn’t feel the pressure of societal norms to make decisions in their personal lives. I’ve met several men and women who aren’t married and don’t desire to be married at any point in their life. I think I speak for everyone when I say that people who don’t want to be married should stay away from all people who do want to get married.

That won’t stop confusion from mounting over trying to reach a level of understanding around marriage in relationships, though. Most people don’t want to waste their time and, sadly, most people aren’t forthright with their longterm relationship plans. There are several people who end up dating a man for years only to find out in the end he doesn’t see her as the one for him long term. Many of these women wish they could’ve found this out early on and never wasted their time, but the reality is these men typically leave signs. And, truthfully, it’s not that hard to see them.

Many women put themselves in positions where they don’t want to see certain behavior for what it is or trust peoples words, but I can save you some time and heartache. If a man never mentions marriage, he isn’t interested in it. If he never mentions marriage with you, he isn’t interested in marrying you.

Despite the simplicity of those statements, people still tell lies and their actions almost never line up. If you’ve found yourself in a situation as such, here are three signs he’s not interested in marriage:

  1. He chooses quantity, but not quality as it pertains to you – He may spend a lot of time with you. He may spend a lot of money on you. However, he’s reluctant to give you the genuine interactions that lead you to believe he wants you to be a part of his inner circle. He doesn’t introduce you to his close friends, he hasn’t introduced you to his family, and/or he doesn’t spend important days with you.
  2. He still considers it “you and him” and not “us.” – One of the easiest ways to tell whether he’s planning for a future together is to pay attention to the way he words things. Anybody can talk a good game but they always slip up. I know for a fact that most men can’t keep a charade going forever. Sooner or later, either in his words or his actions, you realize there is no “us,” it’s just two individuals choosing to spend time together. It is at this point that you should bail as soon as possible.
  3. He still keeps secrets – If he’s still reluctant to let you into his private space then he’s not planning on ever marrying you. A few things I think truly builds the foundation of a marriage is truth, honesty and openness. These secrets may not even affect you or hurt your feelings but what they do is draw your attention to the fact that he has them. It may be things that he tells you he only feels comfortable sharing with his immediate family or closest friends but if he’s planning on marrying you, that’s part of his responsibility. (Full disclosure: There are several men who marry women and continue to keep secrets anyway; I’m just offering up a sign that he may not even try and marry you.)

All in all, you’ll have to make your own decisions. You’ll have to judge a man’s character and actions for yourself. You also may come to the conclusion that he isn’t’ trying to marry you and you’re perfectly okay with that. However, if you’re dating for purpose and you’re not getting what you want out of the situation then you should move on expeditiously. Don’t waste too much time in a flawed relationship that you know will never give you what you truly want. You’re better off moving on than staying in a relationship and trying to convince someone to do something they really don’t want to do.

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  • Angie

    Why buy the cow if you get the milk for FREE?????

  • CK. ®

    What about just ask…!

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Most men profess. They make it clear with no quabble on there end game. A lot of men will straight up tell you that they do not believe in marriage. Take it to heart and for God’s sake do not think having his child will change his mind on this.
    My hubby told me straight up while we were dating in college that he was going to make me his wife. More importantly he backed it up with actions and deeds.

  • thatguy0101

    Women yall need to understand, if a man wants to marry you, trust and believe me, He doesnt mind talking about it, and in fact, he might be the first to bring it up. YOU WILL KNOW!! There are men out here that are actually pro-marriage…

    • coolyfett

      im pro marriage, but I am anti prison warden mentality a lot of women get after marriage.

  • The Elusive Chanteuse

    How to know someone [male or female] is interested in marriage? They bring it up! If he or she doesnt hint towards it I think its safe [or at least logical] to assume that they’re not interested in marriage [assuming enough time has passed for marriage to even be on the table].

  • Food4Thot

    Black men aren’t that interested in marriage. Black women are spreading their legs for any nigg@ that says he loves her, so they aren’t interested in marriage either.

    This article’s a waste.

    • Say What?

      If that’s how you view things or how many of the people you’re hanging with are then perhaps you’re in the wrong crowd.

      • thatguy0101

        I agree with you lol food4thot, is totally wrong.

        • Lost Soul

          I certainly hope s/he is wrong.

    • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

      I wish i could come back with an elongated “NOT all black people” but honestly everyone i know minus my parents,my brother and two aunts,have proven your “stereotype” true.

      • Lost Soul

        Wow. That’s horrible.

        • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

          Oh yeah,i stay home nowadays because going out or socializing means that at some point someone is going to cry and moan about their babies daddies not being shyt (tho he wasnt shyt when she decided to get with him in the first place) and i will be expectes to coddle and join in the male bashing. Hm,no.

          • yes, new friends

            Honestly, if that’s what you’re always exposed to, you need some new friends. All of my friends are doing pretty well in life – no one has kids yet and we’re all college graduates working in corporate environments and dating pretty decent guys. We’re not the stereotype that any of you are portraying. Change your scenery every now and again! :)

            • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

              I want in your crew lool, you are correct tho.

              • Lost Soul

                On the other hand, maybe you’ll rub off on them.

                • http://arafricaine.blogspot.com/ Arafricaine

                  I tried,they call me stuck up and a prude,in a joking but oh so serious way.

          • coolyfett

            Thanks

    • Machone

      Too bad some black men aren’t interested in settling down with one good woman and starting a foundation. Having that kind of stability in their early life can eliminate baby mamas and a criminal record. But we already know the path most choose to take……

No thanks