Sharing Is Caring? Do Men Reveal Intimate Details About Women They Care About?

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July 13, 2014 ‐ By Toya Sharee
oversharing your relationship

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When I first met my fiancé over 10 years ago, I bet he had no idea I’d be the woman he’d eventually marry. In all honesty, the relationship was completely based on sex initially and if he was a different kind of man who was into social media he may have posted details of what exactly went on between us when we occasionally hooked up or even shared private pics meant for his eyes only with his friends. Don’t get it twisted, ladies. Men gossip as much as we do and for some when the getting is good they want to tell it to the world.

Last weekend singer Chris Brown took to Instagram to post a very revealing pic of on again/off again girlfriend’s Karrueche’s almost bare behind (he’s since deleted the pic, but you can view the pic and get the deets here). In fact the only thing attempting to cover her are a thong, a bra strap and her “zipper” tattoo. Now in Kae’s defense, she is a model so the pic was probably no big thing to her and these days showing your cakes is equivalent to rocking a crop top. But the picture hit a nerve and all I could hear was my fiancé’s voice in the back of my mind saying, “Guys don’t do things like that to girls they care about.”

Like the lyrics to Future’s “I Won”, most men feel like when they’ve got a good girl, especially if she’s breaking other men’s necks, they just want to show her off like a trophy. And there’s something sweet about a man being proud of his woman. But where does one draw the line between pride and disrespect? As much as a man may want to show his woman off, there comes a point where certain behaviors and body parts are for his eyes only and sharing the things you see behind closed doors on social media somehow “cheapens” her. How can something be so special if you’re sharing it with any random stranger who follows you on Instagram?

When I asked a few male friends about if guys dish the details about sex with their girlfriends to their buddies, I received a resounding, “Absolutely not.”  The reason? Most men don’t want to invite imagination. While the fact remains some men will tell anyone who will listen about the good loving they’re getting, most men don’t want to share anything with anyone that might trigger some kind of curiosity. More importantly, the guys I talked to said that they wouldn’t want their friends to look at the woman they love disrespectfully. I was told, “Who wants their friends thinking of the pic you shared of her in a leopard g-string when she walks in the door with a bag of groceries one day?  There has to be boundaries.”

And like any relationship, boundaries are important.  I’ve heard women talk about how they strut around the house in booty shorts and bras in front of their man’s friends because “they’re like brothers”.  I’ve heard guys talk about how they don’t care about sharing private pics of their women with their friends.  But I call BS.  Getting too comfortable can invite curiosity and furthermore it’s unnecessary. I’m sure your friends have some inkling that your girl is banging if that’s indeed the case. Do they really need to see her spread eagle on your bed sheets butt naked as proof?

Maybe I’m just a bit old-fashioned but I’m beginning to believe privacy in underrated. There comes a point where sharing isn’t caring when you’re parading private moments like sideshows in a three-ring circus. Just because you’ve got a camera and a ”share” button doesn’t mean you have to use it. And you have to consider the Pandora’s box you may be opening when the private parts of your relationship are suddenly public knowledge.

Do you mind if your man overshares details of your private moments?

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

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