Can’t Knock The Hustle: Why I Believe A Relationship Will Get In The Way Of My Career Ambitions

July 3, 2014  |  



I hustle hard. As cliché (and almost corny) as it sounds, I thrive off of working hard and coming up with new ideas to put into action. Every day I’m working to get my money up, hoping to one day reach a level of financial wealth, and I work even harder to make sure my life is in line with my purpose. I hustle hard. Point. Blank. Period. That is until I find myself in a relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, when I have a man I still work hard, but it’s just not as hard as I do when I’m single. Now that I’m in a transitional phase of my life (advancing to the next level in my career, deciding on a new home, and launching a business), I can’t help but wonder if a relationship will stand in the way of my hustle.

In the past I would give a side-eye to women who proclaimed they were not in a relationship because they were focusing on their career. I couldn’t fathom the thought of a woman choosing to surpass love to solely focus on work. Now, I get it. Not only do I get it, but I think I’m becoming one of those women.

The question of love vs. career intertwine in the heavily-discussed debate that most of us independent women find ourselves in the middle of: “Can women have it all?” Well, I think Oprah answered the question best. Yes, women can have it all–just not all at once.

I think it’s possible to have love and a budding career, but I think it gets a lot more complicated to have love and a serious hustle. It’s certainly not impossible and a woman can do whatever it is she sets her mind, heart, and spirit to, but for a woman who has a goal and a deadline when it comes to her career, a relationship could be a hindrance.

This all depends on where she is in the stage of her career (Oprah has assistance and assistants). If she has to grind it out seven days a week and nearly 24 hours a day, where is the time for romance? Sure, she can carve out an occasional day to relax, unwind, hang with the girls, or even go on a date, but is this enough time to devote to a serious relationship?

Relationships can be a positive addition to your life and at times can even serve as a motivator, but when the hustle is real… you know, you have to eat, sleep, and breath it. I’m starting to think that relationships could possibly get in the way.

A relationship requires time and work, and lots of it. Right now, during this transitional phase, I barely have enough time for myself. Adding someone to the equation would mean neglecting some of my daily goals and commitments. Or maybe it’s just a matter of prioritizing and managing time. Nonetheless, I can’t help but wonder if I should just hold off on a romantic commitment until I have more time for more than just my goals.

Just like Oprah, I do believe that women can have it all. But I’m also unsure if it can all be ‘had’ at one time. I want to be in love, but I also can’t neglect my hustle; and a time-consuming relationship at this time could get my priorities all messed up.

Ladies, do you think relationships are ambition killers?

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  • FromUR2UB

    In all things, there has to be balance. Everyone has a need to feel loved, sometimes. Most people want to share some aspects of their lives with someone, even if only for leisure. But, the woman who sacrifices that for her career might not find it available when she’s ready for it. Yes, you want to be financially sound, but then what? The windows of opportunity for certain things don’t stay open forever. Men can put off serious relationships and marraige, because when they get in their 40s, 50s, 60s and decide they want to marry and have a family, all they have to do is find a woman young enough to fulfill those desires. But, it’s not the same for women.

  • E McArthur

    I used to think that and as someone said before-everyone I know regretted putting a man on hold for a relationship. Women do have a deadline when it comes to having a family on their own.

  • The Mrs

    Every young 20 something women should be career focused just like a man . Women have come a long way, in terms of equal pay and job advancement, but we still have a long way to go in terms of breaking that glass ceiling…

    • QuestionsBeforeActions

      Yeah, I think women can get messed up trying to have it all at once. Either way you have regrets. You just have to know what’s more important to you. Some women prefer a job the love and are passionate about daily to a routine and family. Some women prefer their families. I’d say whichever one you want the most, go after first. Then try to have it all.

  • HopelessRomantic

    I understand loving your ambition/dreams more than pursuing a relationship, but keep in mind that “Good Men” are far few and in between. What happens if you’re so busy loving your ambition that you miss something wonderful? What happens when you achieve all you’ve wanted only to realize you have no one to share it with? I think you have to find some sort of balance. Love- Real Love adds so much more to your life than a great job.

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  • Just a man’s opionion

    I have dated “career women” and women with jobs. Career women do not have the time to do the things that are required to build a relationship (at least not a loving and sexually active relationship). Some of these highly educated, career focused women complain about not being able to find a man, but you do it to yourself. If a man is going to settle down and be in a committed relationship, he wants/needs a women who will be there, not the women who puts him in her calendar. They look down on the women who on paper have less than they do, but guess what? They are taking care of that man you didn’t have time for. When those career women get older and the biological clock starts ticking away, some have regrets about the path they chose. In the end does money trump love & happiness?

    • Live_in_LDN

      If a career woman is genuinely into you, she would make time for you. This goes for successful career men too. I’m saying this comment from a position of a career woman with a full time day job, a small writing gig on the side and who speaks at events every couple of months. It’s convienent to say i’m working late or have a deadline if I want to brush some guy i’m not really feeling, to the side.

    • QuestionsBeforeActions

      Most career women I’ve met still put their man at the top of their priorities, even if they didn’t intend to from the beginning. They become self-conscious about the “lonely career woman” stereotype and almost over-accommodate because of it.

      Men love to sing about independent woman, brag about how their girl is a hustler, but when she has to be at a meeting and can’t make you cookies for lunch it’s a problem. They want a five star woman, but she must pant after, need, and mother him to keep her man.

      Men want love and happiness, too. Career women certainly aren’t decreasing in number, and eventually, you’re gonna have to bend if you want it all, too.

  • az

    all the women i know who put off family for career regretted it. I’m guessing you’re in your early 30s. You THINK you have time to waste but you don’t. the key is to find a man who can accomodate your lifestyle. Equally ambitious men may be attracted to you because you understand that you may not have as much time as you would like. Some might be intimidated. Men who have less and are less ambitous can be a crutch and downright unattractive. Success is a double edged sword for women.

    • Live_in_LDN

      Meh. The career women in my family, my two aunts are childless and kind of wish they had a family as they are both single in their 40s and 50s. The ‘family’ women in my family such as my mother who married and settled down young (18 years old) regret that too and she wishes she waited to get married and have children and is now mourning the freedom and youth she feels she missed out on. She wants to do all the things like travel, study and social events that my aunts did but feels she has now missed the boat. Point being, the grass is greener on the other side. Which ever route a woman takes, she will always wonder ‘what if’ she picked the other one.

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