We Ask 10 Black Men: What Do They Find Sexy…About Themselves?

June 16, 2014  |  

what do men find sexy about themselves

What do black men find sexy about themselves?

Yeah I know, it sounds like a simple question. But more often than not, discussions around men and sex appeal usually are framed from the perspective of what men find attractive and sexually appealing about women or even other men. Rarely, if ever, do we turn the tables on the fellas and probe around their senses of self and ask the pertinent question: What makes you so attractive? As a result of rarely asking, men are often the recipient of sexiness while women become the sole traders in cultural sex appeal.

Personally, I don’t think that’s fair.

Outside of the obvious gendered imbalance reasons (I mean, women too find men se*y and we want them to appeal to us as well), I also don’t think it is fair to men – nor is it healthy for society – to have their perceptions of themselves ignored. I feel that this is especially true of black men, whose own sexuality and masculinity is often well-guarded, narrowly-defined, and in many respects, shaped in response to the dominate patriarchal society, which favors white men over black men.

So in the interest of exploration, I decided to take that simple yet rarely asked question (and a few more) to a few brothers in my network. Ten of them, ranging in age and hailing from a variety of places, decided to indulge in my shenanigans. And they each provided some very insightful and diverse reasons why they are se*y and they know it!

Whitney Thomas

 

Whitney Thomas

Beauty Fashion & Music Photographer. Philadelphia

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever) that makes you feel sexiest?

“A sport’s coat for me is the essential cool item. You can make almost anything sexier with a well-fitted sport coat, typically navy. Invest. Go Gucci or Dolce and Gabbana, Tom Ford, something well cut. It changes everything. It also separates the men from the boys and those with style from those without.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“My smile. I’m a happy guy so I smile a lot. I’ve always found that women respond well to that. The overly cool, tough-guy thing is overrated. And since people by nature typically respond in kind, a smile can get you everywhere. Of course, white teeth help too!”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“Confidence, and I’m sure my height helps with that. I’m 6’3″, but I’m always sure I’m what they want [laughs] even when they aren’t. You’d be amazed how comfortable women are following someone who’s truly confident in leading. Maybe it’s in the eyes. They instinctively know I can handle it.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“When I’m home alone, any other time I’m extremely se*y. See question number three [laughs].

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“Definitely, the problem I think some men have is in expressing their uniqueness. No one can do you as se*y as you can. So put on something cooler than jeans and a shirt. Tell a woman she’s fantastic in front of her friends. Be the first guy to ask a woman to dance. Society isn’t holding men back; their insecurities are: fear of rejection, failure, etc. My advice is be bold, take your shot. It’s always better to take your shot and lose than to get back home regretting the fact that you didn’t say or do anything. And losing has its benefits too. At least you know next time that line doesn’t work!

Express yourself and be ready for all the love that comes back. It works for me…”

Frosty

Paul “S. Frosty” Jackson

Founder, SFX networks. Philadelphia

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest? 

“Usually slimmer fitting long sleeve button-up shirts and vests, and slim fit (but not ‘skinny’) pants. And I feel se*y when wearing naturally scented oils. I make my own body products, use lavender, lemon, and ginger on them often, and recently began to be complimented by women on how I smell.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“I’d say my arms. I don’t think abut body part sexiness much, but I get positive comments on my arms more frequently than other body parts.”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“I’m a strange character (in the eyes of many American social norms). I’m a bit of an enigma by nature, extremely inquisitive, and unabashedly outspoken (sometimes to my dismay). These are things that tend to attract women to me. I’m also confident that I’m not traditionally ugly LOL. Also, I am abnormally intelligent, genuine, communicative, and often, a smiley comedic type.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“I feel my least se*y when I know for a fact that my breath is ‘ht’ (read: stinkin’), or, similarly, when I am fresh from taking a crap, and a woman that I find attractive knows what just went down.

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

Society here in the West/USA – for heterosexual men, especially urban, cultured Negroid men – generally, no! In actuality, we are, more than not, expected to be ‘rocks’; perpetually tough, impenetrable, rough persons. And often, when we are presented a forum to express our feelings around sexiness, it’s usually expected that we be gruff, immature, hyper-sexual in a self-aggrandizing manner… and that we throw in many misogynistic quips and brags. The brutish power culture of the Western patriarchy has casualties in our freedom of expression’s range.

Terrell

Terrell Jermaine Starr

Journalist. NYC

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest? 

“Any article of clothing I wear must contour to my body as neatly as possible. When I wear a suit, it must be super slim fit, for example. I have a 30 inch waist and I’m 6 foot tall, so I have to be very selective of where I purchase my clothing. I feel attractive in shirts that don’t billow out, jeans that don’t carry unnecessary fabric or anything that does reflect my personality. My definition of sex appeal is simply well-fitting attire.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“I have no idea.”

What do you think women find sexy in you?

“My intellect, I suppose. I don’t date much, but I believe my ability to speak several languages and discuss the time I have worked and lived abroad would be appealing to someone. I am interested in emotional intimacy, something that supersedes what I call pop tart–instant physical satisfaction.”

When do you feel least sexy?

I have yet to identify a period in my life in which I felt “unsexy.” I have never considered sex appeal to be part of my masculine repertoire. I’m a very quiet person and have simply been content with my intellectual depth–which, I suppose, means I have never felt “unse*y.”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings surrounding sexiness?

“If you are referring to the Stevie J version of hyper-exaggerated sexuality, then yes, men have an infinite space in which to flex their sexuality (Or, their whore-mongering, in many cases). However, this kind of prowess is more about instantaneous sexual satisfaction than long-term emotional intimacy, which is my preference.

Take, for example, Marvin Gaye. He is perhaps the most timeless sex icon in American pop culture, but his music has an endless wealth of intellectual depth and emotional intimacy. The one-night stand wasn’t his only interest. He opened up. Gaye was vulnerable. His lyrics were not about conquest after conquest after conquest. That would get old. As we all know, Marvin Gaye never seems to get old.

The issue I feel permeates society is that too many male relationship experts have a patriarchal perspective of how we all ought to behave whereas men can be married three or four times, have three baby mamas and write books on how to “Act Like A Lady And Think Like Man.” Women, on the other hand, do not have that kind of nonjudgmental space.

For men, I think we are taught only the physical aspects of sexuality whereas women have a more nuanced appreciation and understanding of it. I think men would benefit if we followed suit.”

Felix

Felix Morgan, Jr.

Pastor, Temple of Empowerment Church. Husband. Philadelphia

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest? 

“A nice pinstripe suit, shirt and paisley tie with the Acqua di Gio does the trick. I feel like I’m walking on air.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“My lips.”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“My lips and the fact that I am actually, really a sensitive dude.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“Immediately after preaching. I’m usually spent!”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“Only when it revolves around women. Very rarely will you hear a man say anything about “se*y” unless it’s directly related because we aren’t conditioned to speak on those things unless we can act on them.”

P Hunter

Paul Lamar Hunter

Author of No Love, No Charity: The Success of the 19th child. Austin, Texas

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel se*y?

“I feel se*y when I’m wearing an Armani suit and having Bleu De Chanel cologne on my se*y body. In this world, women love men who dress professional and who smell good. This is what attracts some women to the man.

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“The se*y part of my body is my beautiful BIG se*y lips and my chest. For example, I was in the airport a couple years back when this woman walks up to me and stated, “You have the sexiest lips I have ever seen, and I would like for you to kiss me.” I stated that women inform me all the time that I have se*y lips. On the other hand, I informed her that I had a girlfriend and I was faithful to her. Since I am a person who loves to work out in the gym, I also receive many compliments from women who like my chest. They believe that I have a stunning chest, and I am flattered.”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“The most important aspect women find se*y in me is that I know how to communicate with them.  I am a man of God, I am a tither, I am a leader, I am a father, I am a communicator, I am a thinker,  I am a listener, I am affectionate, I am caring, I am loving, I am compassionate, I am a team player, and I am efficient and effective.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“I am least se*y when I am ill or when I just want to sit around the house and read a book or watch a little television. Other times is when I am cooking breakfast, lunch or dinner.”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“My notion is that men are not openly expressing their feelings about sexiness. If men do openly converse about their sexiness, they might be looked at as conceited or overconfident. I consider myself se*y, handsome, and gorgeous.

Shareef Jenkins

Shareef Hadid Jenkins

Playwright. Filmmaker. NYC

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest?

“Honestly, muscle mass. I may be superficial and I’m pretty sure I have issues with my body, but after a month at the gym I feel sexier seeing my tight, bulging muscles.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“The sexiest part of my body are my lips for sure!”

What do you think men find se*y in you?

“My confidence, drive and unconditional loyalty.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“When I gain weight, when I make mistakes, or say the wrong thing. And when I’m around a hotter guy than me.”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“I think soccer is open to the se*y buff model, Machismo, somewhat arrogant and aggressive type man. But the rest of us? No!”

Ron Jackson

Ron Jackson

Police Officer. Husband. Father. Bike Enthusiast. Philadelphia. 

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest?

“In order to feel se*y, I would think it’s going to be a hot shower, cologne, clothing, and then my baseball cap, or hat, depending on the affair.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“My legs and arms, but when I was younger, it was chest and my stomach.”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“My demeanor and my swag.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“After playing basketball or sports.”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“Yes, but only to themselves, because when men speak about how se*y we are, we are labeled as possibly being players or stuck on ourselves. This is what I think.”

Ricardo Hazell

Ricardo A. Hazell

Senior Contributing Editor, The Shadow League. Father Of Two. NYC

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest?

“It depends. I guess a good fragrance always turns heads. I put on some Burberry Weekend or Polo Black when I hit the door and walk the block with a bop.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“I’ve been told my eyes are se*y, but I feel like it’s my physique.”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“My conversations.”

When do you feel your least se*y?

“When I’m angry or upset. I don’t like myself after those occasions when I behave in such a manner and I can’t fathom how anyone else would find me appealing in any regard, least of all se*y.”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“No, I do not. American society is still very close-minded. Men aren’t supposed to be seen as se*y. They’re supposed to be handsome, rugged and resilient, but outward male sexiness is seen as somewhat feminine in many circles.”

Baba Doula

Baba Doula

Father. Husband. Righteous Black Man. Chicago, Illinois.

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel sexiest?

“A deep cut v-neck. I’m hairy.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“My eyes. I have a wonderful smile too, but I hardly ever [smile].”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“My facial hair and my walk.”

When do you feel least se*y?

“When I have not had a shower or have on no cologne.”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“No. You get viewed a certain way. Like metro, pretty boy, or freak.”

new

Gerald Sounders

Fitness Enthusiast. Teacher. Busan, South Korea

What do you put on (be it an article of clothing, fragrance or whatever), which makes you feel se*y?

“Tight swim trunks like swimmers wear in the Olympics.”

What would you call the sexiest part of your body?

“Depends on what I’m training. Sometimes my legs, other times my arms.”

What do you think women find se*y in you?

“The bulge in my trunks. That’s what I’ve heard [shoulder shrugs].”

When do you feel least se*y?

“After Brazilian buffet”

Do you feel like society gives men a space to openly express their feelings about sexiness?

“Yes, I do. However, it’s only the confident, outspoken men who’ll use it. The rest are too worried about what others might think or too shy to express themselves.”

 

Next week: We’ll ask the women about what they feel makes a man sexy.

 

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  • DonaDeri

    Ask me!

  • hollyw

    Great article! Great guys, too! Good job, Charing!

  • Vandellish

    Interesting stuff from some cool dudes. Thanks for doing this.

  • starapple

    If you are mature enough to write an article about “sexiness”, shouldn’t you be mature enough to spell the word, without eliminating the “x”? This is so silly.

    • Live_in_LDN

      I don’t think it’s MN but rather their network/server providers and sponsors who have put blocks on certain words, regardless of contexts. Well, I’m sure one of the MN editors said this in the past.