5 Ways To Stop Tying Your Self-Esteem To Your Relationships
Feel like your relationships are a rollercoaster? Here’s how to step off.
I’m all too aware that dating can feel like a grinding, painful roller coaster to nowhere. If you’ve hit your head against the wall as many times as I have, you know how frustrating, depressing, and downright disheartening it can be. Meeting someone new, going on a few great dates, getting excited, having one/both of you sort of stop calling and then repeating the process over and over is enough to make you want to give up for good.
The ups and downs in this cycle can make you feel unbalanced and nearly give you whiplash. While it can be fun to go on a bunch of dates with different people, it can also make you feel like you’re floating alone on your own little island of solitude.
For happily married people, the trials of meeting a mate are ancient history that they often completely gloss over. So they often parrot off clichés like “you’ll meet the right one when you most expect it” and “you’ll find him when you aren’t looking.” When you’re on this emotional roller coaster, these well meaning statements are enough to make you want to punch someone in the face.
How exactly do you even meet anyone if you aren’t looking? Does someone accidentally fall on you in the grocery store? In the two-and-a-half hours I leave the house each week, is he going to trip on me at Starbucks while I’m nervously palming my skinny hazelnut latte and completely avoiding eye contact? Will I lock eyes with him at the library while I’m researching just how exactly relationships actually work? “Oh, hello beautiful. I see you’re clutching every book on love ever written. I find that super intriguing. Want to go get a drink?” Said no one ever.
After a while, it’s easy to feel like starting your collection of cats and totally giving up on the idea of ever meeting the right person.
Do you secretly feel you’re no one until someone loves you? Visit Your Tango to see how Elizabeth Stone says to check your ego and understand a bad date is sometimes just a bad date, not a reflection of who you really are.