“All my life I had to fight…”
While this infamous quote from the movie The Color Purple was spawn from a fictitious character that was referring to a history of sexual abuse, many black women can relate to these words in some way or another. I know I can. Being a double minority (black and a woman), I’m sure we have all experienced unwarranted criticism and judgment, prejudice, and mistreatment; but have we let the actions of others turn us sour? Never will I feed into the angry black woman stereotype, but I can’t help but wonder if at times we can be too defensive.
I have a friend who doesn’t want anyone to ask about her hair. She thinks anyone whose relaxer makes their hair curly other than straight has no room to ask her questions about her natural fro. “They just don’t get it,” she often says. And honestly, they probably don’t, but that’s why they’re asking questions. Duh. But because she has experienced so many issues at her job with her decision to go natural, she assumes anyone who isn’t black is criticizing or secretly judging her behind their questions. Maybe she’s right, but then again, maybe she’s not.
This same friend, who works in corporate America around mainly white men, thinks that she’s always under attack because of her color, her full-figure, and her beautiful natural locs. This belief has made her super defensive. Don’t be a Caucasian man or woman and ask her to do something for you as if she’s “the help.” And don’t raise your voice at her as if you’re back “on the plantation.” Her words, not mine. She basically lives by the motto, “I ain’t no killa, but don’t push me”. My girl is ready for war, even if the surroundings suggest otherwise.
I’m especially sensitive to what our ancestors have gone through, but I also think some people, like my friend, have allowed it to interfere with their life. She really thinks all people are out to get her, but in her defense, I think we are all guilty of allowing our past to hinder our future, in some shape or form. It’s just on different levels.
Even me. I sometimes question people’s intentions, black or white, because I think ‘we’, black women, are the main group of people who are treated unjustly. From the older white guy who assumes we are overly sexual to the rappers who forget they were even raised by black women when they spew out derogatory lyrics against us, I am equipped to defend. I too am ready for war, if taken there. Why? Because I think someone will try to offend me, misuse me, or falsely judge me, IF I let them. I don’t think being cautious of someone’s intentions is necessarily a bad thing, but when it causes you to be defensive with everyone you meet, or carry a constant chip on your soldier, it becomes a problem.
When someone says something about your attire, performance, or actions, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are out to get you. I think our ‘fighting’ mentality sometimes goes a bit too far, and we immediately consider it a ‘shot,’ but sometimes it’s not. While I agree that we endure tough prejudices, we can’t let them allow us to feed into the ‘angry black woman’ stereotype. Most of my friends are actually very pleasant women. Even me, I’m not constantly mad or going around looking for fights or opportunities to defend myself.
So with that, I would say that most of us are not angry or bitter, we’re just protective; but do you think it makes us appear too defensive?
