If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it. – Zora Neale Hurston
I never fully grasped the concept of that particular Zora Neale Hurston quote (as in, I got it but didn’t feel the full weight of it) until I started articulating my own wants and desires. Prior to that epiphany, folks would impose all sorts of things on me: opinions, ideas, categories, accusations and even themselves. I wouldn’t say anything in defense of myself because of the following: fear, appearing less dignified, not wanting to worry about it (but secretly consumed with it), not wanting to look crazy and not wanting to be wrong. And as such, it was so easy for those, who sought to malign me, to actually do so.
But a funny thing started to happen the moment I stood up for myself; things around me started to change. Does that mean I always got my way? Sometimes, but no, not necessarily. Some people are just as committed in their efforts to deny me as I am to stake my own claim here in this world. And some folks will try it. However, a firm “no” or an assertive “yes, I do mean what I say” will get most folks to move their drama along. And occasionally, when I stopped to explain myself, some would respect me more – even if it was reluctantly. Using my voice meant that I did not have to cower under guilt and shame anymore. Instead, I was able to transfer much of the undue burden back onto the shoulders of those who made false accusations and demands.
It is the story of veteran ABC News anchor Carole Simpson, who has me reflecting more on this. Last Friday, a number of her former colleagues gathered to wish Barbara Walters a happy retirement. Everybody came out, including Star Jones and Oprah Winfrey, who both have had some questionable relationships with the lipsy news woman. Everyone came except Simpson, who apparently wasn’t invited. Or as she explained it in a post on her Facebook page:
I wonder why I wasn’t included among the two dozen network newswomen and anchors who feted Barbara Walters at a private party and then on “The View?” We both worked at NBC and ABC at the same times. She is my idol and I believe she knows that. At first I was very sad and now I am very mad. I guess ABC News, after my 24 years there, still considers me persona non grata. The black woman anchor, who had to speak her mind for herself and others, is erased from ABC history. I will say a solo goodbye to Barbara and ABC news can just…
ABC said in a follow-up statement that it had no direct influence on the Barbara Walters send-off. But it is awfully strange that the woman, who was not only the first woman to broadcast radio news in Chicago, but the first black woman to anchor a major television network evening newscast, AND also was the first woman and person of color (period) to moderate a presidential debate, was not invited to the party. A party, which was a who’s who of women in television news. Even more peculiar, her career in actual journalism might have been more pioneering than the person being honored. So if anyone should have been the one getting the pomp and circumstance in that situation, it should have been Simpson.
Of course, Simpson’s departure from television news wasn’t without its own controversy. In a self-published memoir, and as told in this archived article for The Daily Beast, Simpson talked about a career that spanned 25 years, which in addition to some professional milestones, was also marred by racism and sexism. After being named the first black woman to work the Washington bureau of ABC News in 1974, Simpson shared with The Daily Beast that producers and colleagues often used what she alleges was coded-racial language like “lazy” to insult her performance on the job and deny her the anchor chair. However, after threatening to quit the network and go public with her charges, the bosses had a change of heart.
Simpson said that a similar incident would repeat itself when a drunken producer at one of the Republican conventions rudely told her, “You think because you’re black and you’re a woman you can get anything you want. And you sl*t, you don’t deserve it.” Additionally, the sexual harassment she said that she dealt with was pretty sick, particularly the incidents where male colleagues touched her inappropriately and made comments about her butt.
Simpson would be suspended from the anchor desk after erroneous comments she made in 2001 about a colleague receiving an anthrax letter. In 2003, ABC decided to not renew her seat as weekend anchor, and instead, offered her a contract as a roving news ambassador and anchor of the annual Black History Month segments. Simpson officially left the news organization in 2005 and now teaches at Emerson College in Boston. At the time of her departure from the news program, not a single professional overture about her contributions to the network as well as history were made on air or within the media. The “first” of many things couldn’t even get a video montage of her professional accomplishments. It was like one day she was on the news, and the next night – after a short goodbye speech – she was gone.
There is a downside to being heard, and that often looks like alienation. Having people respect you and your autonomy sometimes means being ostracized socially. It will likely mean that people deem you fussy and difficult and not a team player. It will also likely mean that at times, you won’t be invited to the cool kid’s table; and that often in fights where there are tons of silent allies, you will be blazing trials all by yourself. It also means that nobody is likely going to care when you leave. Hell, they might not even throw you a party, like they would your more accommodating colleagues.
But all the angst and annoyance from those wishing to keep you from being heard pales in comparison to the feeling of perpetual invisibility; the act of being silenced, ignored and having your accomplishments erased – just like what happened to Simpson. Well, almost happened to Simpson.
I’m glad she is sharing her frustrations of being left out of Barbara Walter’s sendoff. Mainly because we almost forgot her. And maybe one day in the future, one of us will eventually get down to giving her the proper respect she deserves. Perhaps then, media folks, particularly black media folks, will remember all the crap she took on the road to being “the first.”
I know I will. I just wish she would have said some of those things during her tenure on television. You know, be more vocal about her pain and torment. Perhaps she could have felt more supported. Perhaps we could have helped her push to maintain her job, or at least helped her to get a damn montage of her accomplishments and a plaque when she left the network.
