Help! I Never Acknowledged Him In Public, So He Put Me In The Booty Call Zone

17 comments
April 15, 2014 ‐ By Madame Noire

 

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From Essence

Dear Abiola,

Is there a way to move out of booty call zone? I’m frustrated and lost. I love him but I know it’s partially my fault. I am a successful up and coming lawyer. I was also the booty call for two years until I started to refuse a couple of months ago.

When we first met I used to reject any talk about relationships. After we had sex for the first time he asked about us being together and I refused. He invited me on dates several times and I declined. Stupid me. I was afraid of being in a relationship. He used to ask me to come over just to hang out even on my periods to show me that it was not just sex he wanted. I used to not even acknowledge him in public.

Then I found out he was sleeping with a girl I knew at the same time. Apparently, he would call me first then when I declined he would call her. This got me really upset but because I liked him I didn’t show it. We stopped for a while, then started to have sex again.

He used to sleep over. We would get dressed for work together and act like a little family. Now it’s just confusing.  If we see each other at parties, he gives me a nasty stare when I am talking to another guy. He stopped talking to me in public because I used to not acknowledge him and he said he’s fed up of me hiding. He also has hooked back up with his ex sexually.

Help! I want him as my best friend and husband. I want him so badly but I think now I’m just stuck in the booty call zone.

Signed,

Frustrated, Lonely & Hopeless

Read Abiola’s response

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  • Kiki

    I had a booty call once. It was fun. Once i found a boyfriend i threw them d’s up and moved on to someone better

  • IJS

    Ladies, we men typically place a woman into one of about 3 categories when we first meet her: relationship material (GF/wife), homegirl/friend, or booty call only. And once a woman is placed in that last category, there is almost nothing she can do to get out of it. Playing games will get a woman into that last category with the quickness, no matter how many degrees or what professional status she has. A woman should never tell a man that she’s not interested in a relationship with him if she’s not absolutely certain about that. Men are more perceptive than women realize. A woman will tell a man everything he needs to know about her without him having to ask many direct questions at all, because women like to talk about themselves. No matter what façade a woman puts up, we can pick out if they’re a hoe, bird, etc., by little things they say that they don’t realize, and subtle reaction cues that women give off in different situations.

    • Kiki

      This is so true. Ironically i used to tell my male friends women do the same thing. They refused to listen and learnt the hard way.

    • Guest

      “A woman will tell a man everything he needs to know about her without him having to ask many direct questions at all, because women like to talk about themselves.” Lol You should meet me

  • Live_in_LDN

    Grow up. You’re acting like a toddler who only wants to play with a toy because another child has it. You don’t like him, you only want him because you perceive him to be desired by other women. Either accept that this relationship will only be casual or move on and find someone else.

  • Kylie

    You played yourself. Take the L and move on.

  • 9Boots

    “He used to sleep over. We would get dressed for work together and act like a little family.”

    Here goes that placebo marriage I’ve been telling you gals about.

  • 9Boots

    “Then I found out he was sleeping with a girl I knew at the same time. Apparently, he would call me first then when I declined he would call her. This got me really upset but because I liked him I didn’t show it.”

    No, you should be upset that there are about twenty six stds waiting to pounce on your tail with all that peen sharing you’re doing. I hope you got tested before you even wrote up this idiotic letter because you might have bigger problems. These problems might be incurable.

  • DeepThinker

    Let me break this down. She was scared of being in a relationship, but not scared enough to bust it open to a man she did not know. Dissed him in public, but now that she knows he is smashing others, she wants him all to herself in a relationship. She thinks he’s jealous, because she solicits her monkey to other men at a party, and she thinks she’s more special than the other girl, because she THINKS he calls her for arse first. Because she is an “up and coming” lawyer she is too good and successful to be thrown in the booty call zone. This heaux is sooooo stupid!

    • Guest

      Mmm….yeah, Deep Thinker. Broke down what’s plainly obvious. Hmmm…excellent…deep

  • MsLadyE

    Where’s the link???

  • 9Boots

    Why…Jesus…Why?

    • DeepThinker

      LMBAO!!!!!

      • 9Boots

        : )

  • truthteller

    So dumb

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  • yoda

    There’s no link to continue reading on Essence.