Why Mean Girls Finish First When Dating

14 comments
April 15, 2014 ‐ By Madame Noire
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From Hello Beautiful

We all know the cliche, “Nice guys finish last,” but what about us? Nice girls finish after way after nice guys. Think about it. There’s books dedicated to men loving witches with a capital B. When women are apathetic, no-nonsense and could care less about what people think often serves as a challenge for men and we all know that men love challenges.

Nice women who are loyal, supportive and just want honesty and respect in return usually get the short end of the stick. I know because I’ve been all of these things to men and have seen my stick get shorter and shorter.

Somewhere along the way, romantic and genuinely sweet gestures have become annoyances and expected, so they are never truly appreciated. Love cannot be bought or earned. The receiver of the nice treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened or just ungrateful.

A few years ago, I met this adorable guy named Gavin. He was tall, smart, funny, ridiculously sweet and attentive. I thought I’d hit the jackpot. One night, Gavin wanted to hang out, but I explained to him that I was going to be celebrating my friend’s birthday at a local restaurant.

Gain sighed heavily, “And after?”

His desperation was adorable in the first couple of weeks. He loved spending time with me and was never shy to vocalize that. But after the hearts and stars in my eyes began to fade, I became increasingly irritated by his urgency. “After, I don’t know. It’s Lisa’s birthday, so we’ll probably be out,” I rolled my eyes. “I have to go babe. I’ll call you when I’m done.” I hung up, ready to complain to my girlfriends about how thirsty Gavin was becoming.

“I can’t believe you’re complaining about your boyfriend wanting to spend time with you. Why are you even with him?” One of my girlfriends challenged my disdain.

Continue this story about being nice in relationships at HelloBeautiful.com 

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  • Chanda

    I’m on the fence with this article because I don’t believe in playing games or being a bi+ch to attract a man but it is what it is. But on the other hand, don’t revolve your life around a man/woman and put yourself first. Some people invest too much time and energy in the other person more so than in themselves.

  • Lakelyn

    I hate to say it, but this article rings true for me as well. I was dating a guy and we really vibed I never held back we went out every night, I ditched my home girls to spend time with him and I was super accommodating because I didn’t want him to think I was a B. He ended up leaving me for his ex. With her, he was never certain of her feelings for him, he didn’t know he had her, she put herself before him ALWAYS. at the time it was painful, but now I go on dates thinking is he good enough for me? Not vice versa. Do I feel comfortable around him. Not vice versa. Never break plans for a man,have a life outside of a man. It may come off as b!itchy but men love women who love themselves. They like having to ask you out with the uncertainty that you may say no. They like a challenge. Every man I know is married to an itch.

  • positivebeatsnegative

    You should not have to play games when it comes to relationships!!! Its like we have become a society that is not genuine. All these rules and regulations when it comes to dating and relationships, my lest favorite is “find someone that loves you more than you love them” What kind of advise is this, you know what this says to me settle because you have no other choice.

  • stewie

    So, basically people have become more superficial and rude with their mindgames than ever, emboldened by the technology that we ironically created to be social…

    • hi-liter

      You said it all in a nutshell. Its a culture of wanna be players, the men and women.

      • Cornell Ginger

        Yeah, but women can’t sustain the “player status” as long as men. Eventually women will gain feelings and/or get pregnant “accidentally”. When that happens, usually a woman’s player mind set goes out the window. The same cannot be said for men.

  • Audra

    I HATE that there are rules to this dating game. I feel like the person who cares least about the outcome of the relationship wins. Then you have to find a man that loves you more and have an air of mystery and sometimes be unavailable, ugh! I’m 30, childless ( yay!) and single and I will have to be that way for awhile until I play by the rules or find someone who is just as tired of the games as I am.

    • brian

      Please girl stop listening to these websites about men, it will just keep you single and coming back here everyday. If u want advise on men listen to men, when we talk(and I don’t mean Steve Harvey he has an agenda)

      • Cornell Ginger

        So this website is to blame for her being single? It’s called having a point of view. Getting advice from only men is only half of it. Balance is the key.

        • brian

          if u want info about how to treat men, you ask men.

    • Live_in_LDN

      Never play games. If you start, you will find lots of men granted but they will be childish game players and your relationship will be miserable and full of drama. Continue to be yourself but cast your net a lot wider and further. You will find your equal.

      • Cornell Ginger

        Very true. If you start a relationship by playing games, men will handle the relationship as a game. So what happens when he wins the game and finally has you? The same thing that happens to all those old Playstation games that we’ve already beat. They get sent to Gamestop to die.

    • Cornell Ginger

      Date men in their late 30’s or early 40’s. Problem solved.

      • Guestest

        Well i’m 21, should i date guys who are in their early 30s??