Television writer, black woman and memoirist Tracy McMillan recently caused a big stir online with her HuffPo piece entitled “Why You’re Not Married.” It’s a straight, no-chaser type article with six punch-you-in-the-gut subtitles and semi-snarky explanations to go with them.
Her headings are cut-throat—“You’re a Beyotch” is the first one. Ouch. Real talk, sometimes it is your fault when things don’t work out in a relationship and there should always be self-reflection, but sometimes it ain’t us. Sometimes it is the dude that just has no get-right in him. And we all know heading into or staying in a relationship with a man with hopes of changing him is not a good idea.
Minus the name-calling and unnecessary harshness, the thrice-married (currently single) McMillan actually has some pretty solid things to say in her piece. Here’s a gem: “The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. “ That’s a keeper right there. Marriage is not easy. It is not a matter of reliving the joy of your wedding day everyday for the rest of your lives. It’s work. Sometimes fun work, but work nonetheless.
But for single women (especially black women), who are constantly bombarded with articles telling them why they are single or why their chances of getting married are slim to none, it gets tiresome, draining. Sometimes women are single because heck, they just want to be single. Not every woman has a goal of getting hitched. And sometimes there are other reasons for being single like you only date black men and you live in a town that has virtually none. Maybe you have financial or academic goals you want to reach before you jump the broom. There are many possible reasons as to why a woman is single.
We thought it would be good to ask you the question that everyone seems to want to answer on your behalf.
Why are YOU single? Do you have the desire to get married one day?
Speak on it in the comments!