#LevelsToThis: How To Not Scare Off A Man

April 7, 2014  |  

 

From YourTango

Is there anything you can do in the first few dates with a man to make sure he keeps asking you out? Absolutely! Christian Carter gives you a shortcut into the male mind and shows you how to use this information to make the most of those early encounters.

There you are, sitting in front of a new man you’re seeing. Maybe you’re on your third date with him, and you’re wondering what he’s thinking. The chemistry’s good, the conversation is effortless, and you feel like this is the start of something really special. And it definitely could be—if you keep a few things in mind about how men approachdating.

When it comes to dating and commitment, men usually operate on a much different—and slower—time scale than women. Sure, you may meet some guys who will “signal” you out and make their intentions clear with you very quickly. But what you’ll normally encounter is that men take longer to decide when to get serious with one particular woman.

At the beginning, a man is just getting to know you. He needs time to feel comfortable with you, let down his guard, and start seeing you as a part of his life. I know it’s frustrating, but this is normal. Just keeping this in mind will save you a lot of angst when a guy isn’t “moving things along” the way you think he should.

Avoid Jumping To Conclusions & Pushing Him Away

A lot of women don’t approach early dates this way, though—they feel intense chemistry with a man, and they think “this is it.”  So, instead of merely enjoying those first few dates and being present in the moment, they’re already acting like they’re in a relationship. They’re thinking about the future. I call this the “Instant Relationship”—it’s what happens when you assume that you two are a sure item too soon.

Falling for the Instant Relationship works against you in several ways: First, it blinds you to potential red flags. When you narrow your focus to one guy like this, you end up committing yourself to him before you know important things about him. Second, a guy will sense that you have already decided he’s the one for you, and he will feel an expectation to deliver when he might not yet be ready. He’ll feel pressured, and he may withdraw. So what does that mean for you?

Read more about dating rules at YourTango.com 

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