Not Every Person Who Smiles In Your Face Is A Friend, And 9 Other Lessons Learned From Blood Sweat And Heels

March 25, 2014  |  
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I’m not trying to stop anybody’s checks (make that money, honey), but is anybody else relieved that Blood Sweat and Heels went on break? I don’t know the status of a second season, but the first one, which only lasted from January until Sunday that just passed, was detrimental to my health. I would get so stressed and irritated by some of the behavior of the ladies that it was something I wound up catching on TV and not actually seeking out or watching regularly (I couldn’t even do the reunion, ya’ll). From the episodes I saw though, I was reminded of a lot of life lessons we’ve all probably heard from wise folks or just thought about after watching a crazy episode from this show. Here are just a few that came to mind with different scenarios that have gone on throughout the first season of this series.


Not Every Person Who Smiles In Your Face Is A Real Friend

Of course, the episode in the Hamptons and afterwards is a good example of this. Sure, Mica was a hot mess during this weekend trip, but then again, she had literally just lost her father. It’s hard to say how one should behave when going through that, especially when her relationship with her father was so tumultuous. While I did have a problem with her stumbling around in Brie’s family’s backyard, as stated before, I had a bigger problem with how Demetria, Geneva, and her supposed good friend, Brie, treated Mica during all of this. There was a lack of compassion even to what they knew was going on in this woman’s life (they knew her father was dying, even if they didn’t know he was dead), and more of an effort to keep up appearances than to help get a broken individual together. Mica should never have even thought that she could rely on those women during that vulnerable moment, because they’re just associates for cocktail time, not who you run to during a low moment in life. With that said, be careful who you let in your circle and confide in, because not everyone who listens to your problems really cares about them…or you.


If You Don’t Take Your Dreams Seriously, No One Else Will

In the case of Melyssa Ford, I think that she really does want to move forward from her days as a video girl. She seems very intelligent and thoughtful, however, what the hell was going on with her real estate hustle? The tight dresses, the sex talk while showing residences, the lack of connections made, and the fact that she had to be confronted by her boss in order to push her to work hard to sell apartments/homes at times made her seem like she was more talk than action. Of course, these struggles (and monetary ones too), had people bringing up her days as a video vixen again, including her social peers (aka, the cast). But if you’re not serious and “on your job” as they say, why should anybody believe you want to make a change? But good news! From what I could see in the season finale, she was finally stepping up the plate.


Own Up To Poor Behavior

I see that Mica is what keeps this show going, and despite her antics, I feel as though she’s genuinely being herself, but there is a time and a place for everything. Lifting your leg up in the air and showing your business to a room full of media folks during a friend’s event is a no no. Showing up to shindigs and having a loud confrontation with folks isn’t the best look either. I know that she went through a lot emotionally this season, but sometimes you have to “put on your big girl panties” as Iyanla says, and own your s**t. We all do. We might not always get to keep ourselves out of foolishness, but when we do act the fool, we have to own up to it and learn from it. Mica did do this when she apologized to Brie on the season finale about her behavior in the Hamptons.


Never Try To Reason With An Inebriated Person

With that said, we’re going back to the Hamptons! I don’t know why folks act like you can talk sense into someone who can barely stand. Sometimes it’s best to just get them a cup of coffee and a bed to lay in and call it a day until their good sense is restored. Yelling at them, and worse, egging them on with insults, is just going to make a crazy situation an ugly one…like having a skinny woman teetering on heels and fighting to pull open a screen door to cuss folks out. Let’s not be nasty, because I’m sure in our younger lives, many of us found ourselves shouting in our drunkeness out on the streets, or stumbling through a party embarrassing our friends. If you can’t comfort the inebriated person, at least leave them be (oh yeah, and keep them from falling in pools and what not).


Those In Glass Houses…

You know the rest.

Let’s not count other people’s coins and joke about whose checks are bouncing and cards are getting declined when we’re admitting on TV that we were just receiving financial help from our mothers and didn’t have to work real jobs for a majority of our lives. Not going to point fingers, but the shade at Melyssa’s finances from folks who just got a coin to hold on to was quite ridiculous.


Give People A Chance

You’re not going to love everyone, but before you read them for filth and trash them to everyone you know, you should give them a chance. For instance, weren’t Geneva and Demetria at each other’s throats in the first two episodes? Now they’re quite close (well, at least on TV). And from a viewer standpoint, in the beginning, there was something very annoying about Daisy. But in the end, she came off as someone with a fun spirit and a positive energy…who you need to deal with in doses. Too often we dismiss folks easily when they don’t make the most pristine first impressions, but sometimes we do so to genuinely good people.


If You Can’t Take It, Don’t Dish It

This one is for Geneva. As a drunken and defeated Mica prepared to exit from Brie’s shindig in the Hamptons to go back to Harlem, Geneva watched and threw an unnecessary dig her way: “Detox, honey, detox.” Mica turned back around and caused quite a scene, and during that scene, told Geneva that she looked like Wesley Snipes. After the show aired, this comment was something that would hurt Geneva, as she took it as a dig at her darker complexion. In my opinion, it was a very mean comment, just as calling out “detox” at Mica on her way out from the home of Brie’s parents was a mean comment, and they were both unnecessary. But if you can’t take the ugliness people dish out, it’s best to not shell it out yourself and expect to walk away clean.


Speak Up, No One Can Defend You Better Than YOU

As for Mica, I’ve found that she needs to do a better job of standing her ground. There have been too many occasions where she has been jumped on by her castmates and has found herself silent and very shaken (except when she has some wine in her system). And while she might want Melyssa and Daisy to be in her corner to jump in (hell, I thought there were times where they could have said something), she really is the only one who can stand up for herself. It’s cool to want to avoid confrontation, but we can’t let people run over us and then break down in tears every time it happens. She’s a strong woman and has been through a lot, she just needs to get her backbone straight and put folks in their place when it’s necessary.

When You’re Pissed, Please Tell People How You Feel

I’ve found that anger about past situations that aren’t hashed out quickly can bring about animosity that plays into other situations. Mica was dead wrong for her behavior at Geneva’s Uptown party, but instead of letting Mica know that, Geneva carried that animosity into the Hamptons, and that mess carried onward. When we don’t deal with the things that hurt us, we let that animosity carry over, and it turns our friends quickly into our enemies. Hey, maybe those friends weren’t meant to be around in the long run, but carrying anger for a person on and on when you don’t speak up isn’t healthy, especially when I’m sure that we would all hope for the same chance to hear and be heard if we are in the wrong and don’t know it.


Reality TV Is Not Good For Everybody’s Brand

From this show, to the short-lived Gossip Game, and hell, even R&B Divas, I’ve found that people with established careers and a following don’t really need to be on reality TV. Sometimes your fans (and in the case of K. Foxx, your bosses) don’t need to know everything about you. The mystery is good for your brand, and when the mystery is taken out and we see the pettiness, the cattiness, the judgmental way of doing things, it can be a turn off. I’m not going to point fingers or name names, but I wouldn’t be too giddy about returning to this show if I was any of these ladies…

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  • MeeShell Belle

    Awesome piece, Victoria! You NAILED it!


    I like Demetria she’s not all that nice, but she is REAL, so i can respect that in a person, I absolutely do NOT like attention hoes like Mica, and Daisy the both of them are to EXTRA for Me I Can’t,

    • MeeShell Belle

      What is real about being crass, mean-spirited, arrogant, judgmental and condescending? Those are the marks of an insecure person in deep disguise. If you are fooled by those projections, then I suggest you could be one of two things: A fan/follower and admirer of emotional bullies. Or, a perpetual victim of them. That said, you could even fall into both categories. Careful, watch out.

      • Real is True

        I don’t see Demetria as being arrogant or judgmental. If every time I see a person they are drunk and acting out and I say something about it does that mean I judging them or acting like I am better then them, no that is just stating a fact. I also don’t get crass from her unless you mean she was heavy handed with the Truth.

        • GoodGooglyMoogly

          There’s telling the truth… like hey girl I really want to be there for you but your behavior is worrisome and it’s not just affecting you but the others around you and then there’s yelling “detox” and calling someone an alcoholic. No one responds positively to name calling.

    • GoodGooglyMoogly

      That is so sad… rudeness is not being real it’s being mean. Why do some black women celebrate being mean especially to each other as some sort of virtue? Oh she just humiliated that sister and made her feel low – hey, but she’s keeping it real! That’s why we stay fighting each other. I like black women, but I don’t hand out with women who have no respect for others boundaries or think it’s OK to speak to me any ole which way. I hang with women who are open minded, kind and generous.

  • msPee

    personally i think Mica’s behavior at the Hampton s is/ was inexcusable. if she wanted to moan her father why didn’t she stay home?? it was not Demetria, Geneva and Brie’s fault that she was a drunk mess. i did not particularly like the way she and Melissa behaved at Geneva’s work thingy. real friends don’t embarrass you at your work thing ( but then again maybe Geneva shouldn’t have been hanging out with these type of people in the first place).

    Geneva telling Mica to ” detox” is not the same as calling her Wesley snipes. people can change their attitudes, people can go to rehab and get help, but none can change the way they look. ( well unless u do plastic surgery) but to me Mica, and Melissa are the kinda of chicks who think looks will get them everything in life. you can be pretty and have a brain! why act like a total B..H or H*e. i don’t like those girls.

    i don’t understand why people think its always pretty vs unpretty. besides Daisy aint pretty. its more about ratchet behavior vs too serious and ” judgmental”.


    • Phil J.

      do you have self esteem issues? i didn’t get that from Melissa (or how ever you spell her name) at all but if folks want to do for them because of how they look how should they be to blame for that foolishness?

  • Unashamed

    I agree. I would never buy a book or read anything that Demetria McKinney has written because of her lack of compassion on this show. She lacks the spirit of sisterhood that I enjoy in the female authors I support and because I watched the show, any kind words I read from her would come across as inauthentic.

    • Real is True

      she seem to have shown sisterhood just fine with three of the other cast member just fine and I thought her book was a good read. Sometimes being real and honest may come across as mean, especially when people are telling you something about your self you don’t want or are not ready to hear about ones self.

      • GoodGooglyMoogly

        Not when she shaded Daisy’s lunch. she used her platform to put down another black woman’s business and she couldn’t even acknowledge how she hurt Daisy… “Well that’s just my opinion, she sounds as fake as Nene from RHOA. Also why couldn’t she have warned them that she was going to put their private conversation in her blog, which she makes a money off of…. All the ladies were mad at her for that… Oh let’s not forget that her Dad’s credit card pays her bills, but she doesn’t know how a former video model is going to do anything but sell her body… real sisterly.

  • upscalegal

    I agree 100% with this post, I could not stand Kelly Price after R&B Diva’s, I can’t even listen to her music anymore. I’m actually tired of all the cattiness that comes with these shows. I don’t care how “classy” you think you their inner ugliness was showing. I do have a soft spot for Mica, I think her drinking was probably amplified for TV and she was going through some tough losses. I drank for a year after my cousin passed away when I was 21..maybe it’s just a phase.

  • GuestOfHonor

    I think several of them exhibited a bit of bad behavior. Mica may (or may not) be an alcoholic “in real life”, but she should at least try not appear drunk on TV because it’s really not a good look. Demetria, who I disliked the most, is a mean girl who should check her own flaws before she chooses to judge others. Geneva does indeed look like Wesley Snipes and she earned that insult from Mica. Shame on her for making that about colorism. They all have issues and have no room to pass judgement on each other.

    • blackrose

      I didn’t really watched the show, just stopped while flicking. I saw some of the reunion and I agree she was a little Wesley Snipish but not because of her complexion, she just reminded me of him a little in To wong foo. I felt bad for agreeing then as I watched on and saw she was a mean girl so…

  • Motorcity Mami

    I wish everyone would STOP calling these girls friends. THEY WERE NOT FRIENDS, THEY ARE CO-WORKERS! You can’t blame someone for saying you act like you’re a drunk when everytime they see you you’re stumbling, slurring your words and acting a damn fool. Mica is over 40 so she has been drinking for at least 2 decades, there should be NO REASON she doesn’t know how to handle her liquor intake by now.

    • MatureBlackWoman

      I agree with you, but first she would have to admit that she has a problem – which she won’t! She surrounds herself with people who enable her. These women are not even co-workers, they are supposed to be successful Black NYC businesswomen, and role models. IMO the premise failed badly.

      • Motorcity Mami

        true true

    • GoodGooglyMoogly

      Oh so you know Mica? Do tell.. so before Brie she’s been this crazy, LOL. Spill the tea…

  • Excepcion

    Once again this show was completely useless. I dont understand the premise of it and the characters sucked.

  • OneInFun

    Geneva and Demetria should be ashamed of their behavior on this show. There is no excuse for women who pretend to be so classy and mature to treat others the way they have on this show. Geneva laughing at Melyssa’s money issues multiple times, calling other people names then she cant handle it when someone calls her Wesley Snipes? Really tho?! She DOES look like Wesley Snipes in Too Wong Foo! Honestly, that picture floating around on Twitter of Geneva with that purple dress on looking a mess might bring her down a few pegs. She’s pretentious for no reason. Demetria’s attitude was very surprising. I was shocked at her attitude and didnt expect her behavior and mean attitude towards Mica considering she writes a blog and pretends to be so great a communicating. The way they ganged up on Mica in the Hampton’s wasnt cool and it was almost like how they ganged up on Demetria at Mica’s dinner. Brie…well, how about they put her on Real Housewives of New York or something. She didnt fit in and if this show gets renewed replace her please and maybe even Geneva.

    • Danielle

      wtf r u talking about, what about mica!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • ms stacye

      I wouldn’t be able to handle it if someone called me Wesley Snipes lol idc who said what or who started it, I’d be stuck on that!

      • YesHunty

        Me too!!! And nobody would have ever noticed how much she resembles Wesley had she not been trading insults with Mica. Now, everybody who can Google knows! LOL!

    • Real Is True

      So I take it Mica’s Drunken temper tantrum was ok with you.

  • Tory Matthews

    I swear Daisy wrote this…

  • LeeLeeC

    This whole post you are defending Mica’s bad behavior, she must have paid you for this post. What I saw on this show was a drunk ghetto high yellow mess, and if she behaved like that at my parents house, we would no longer be friends…death or no death. I was raised in strict mannered Caribbean family and as my grand mother use to say, “Women should be seen not heard,” and “Bring your name back home.” This bird was seen, heard, and talked about, and everyone went home talking about her, and not in a good way. Daisy I like her personality, but can be a bit much. The video chick needs to invest in a bra, the one with the fro it a little too stern and judgmental, but I am like that most of the time, but I don’t just stop speaking to people. The chick with the perm funny, and Detox wasn’t bashing, the broad was drunk, and when Mica hurled her insult it WAS BEING RACIST.

    • bigdede

      How is it racist if the chick does look like Wesley Snipes? So one Black person looking like another Black person is racist? A man can favor a woman just like a woman can favor a man. Sheryl underwood knows she looks like Wesley and jokes about it. You that type of Black person who sees racism in any and everything. Extra sensitive over nothing

      • enlightenment

        At first, I thought it was just Mica calling Geneva ugly…by likening her to Wesley Snipes. But during the reunion, when Geneva noted that she felt it was an attack on her dark skin color, Mica didn’t refute that. In fact, Geneva stressed to Mica she wouldn’t dare call her a “high yella heffer,” so she would’ve wanted that same respect from her. Mica pursed her lips and looked plain ol guilty…so now I’m certain the “Wesley Snipes” comment was an attack on her skin color.

        • MatureBlackWoman

          I think it was both. Disturbing to me also is the comment above where Mica has to be referred to as “high yellow”. There is no reason to go there. Black people commonly separate themselves by color, and it serves no purpose. Personal attacks on physicality are ugly and divisive. No wonder there is so much self hatred in the Black community. Yes, Mica needs to get some help for her drinking, but that has nothing to do with her looks. What difference does it make what Geneva looks like? Her character is what should be looked at. Tired of it.

          • Unashamed

            Her character is what makes her look so unattractive. If she was nicer, maybe no one would have noticed, or her inner beauty would have overshadowed her ugly behavior, not just towards Mica, but Melyssa too.

            • MatureBlackWoman

              I agree with you that her behavior led to her being called “Wesley”, however, I hate to see Black women talk about looks so much. That’s the one thing she can’t help. She could have been called “Ugly Acting”, which she was at times, but it’s very hurtful for darker women to be commented on by lighter ones. BTW, I’m not dark, so this is not personal. It’s just painful to see.

      • Joanne1979

        Thank you!

    • Phil J.

      you just revealed how effed up you are and your effed up grandmother is the cause of it lol

      • LeeLeeC

        You could feel free to kiss my r@$$…and die broad…man…shim of whatever the flick you are…;)

        • Phil J.

          ahhh more revelations. Dang your grandmother raised you right. that was sarcasm fyi I’m not sure if she taught you that lol

    • Joanne1979

      I’m dark skinned and I was not offended because she IS UGLY AND DOES LOOK LIKE WESLEY. Get over it. It was uglyism, not colorism. When you look like Geneva, you should be nice.

      • MatureBlackWoman

        I appreciate your saying that. While I don’t think that Geneva is ugly, she did act in a ugly way, and this is why people are commenting on her looks so much. As I commented here before, Black women should rise above all this name calling based on looks or color. This show missed an excellent opportunity to portray women in the Black community as successful, dignified businesswomen, as they were originally portrayed. They just turned into every other show with Black women. Fighting, backstabbing, pettiness and drunkenness. My friends and I are nothing like this, and I’m sure most of the people writing here are not either. They should be ashamed of themselves for the waste of a show. They do not need to return.

  • coco34

    Mica is a grown woman. Whoa is me gets quite old. She needs to take ownership of her actions and behavior. She wasnt being judged and treated unfairly because of her father dying and her acting out like a child, but from her past behavior in social settings drinking. They didnt know her father died, they only saw the same disrespectful drunk behavior she always exhibits. There is a time and place for everything. Don’t come into my house acting a plum fool, I’ll show you the way out. You want compassion, then you approach me like a grown-up. Simply put…hi ladies, i need a drink and to get away…thanks for inviting me….my father just passed…i need a little girl time, away time. Had she approached the situation differently, responses would have been different. First step is owning it and knowing you have a problem.

    • Tory Matthews

      Thank you! I just can’t understand why people are so quick to defend Mica’s inappropriate behavior. She’s the oldest one on the show and frankly the most immature.

      • Queen2Cent

        I know, Black Women been holding Mica up on her pedestal, especially after they found out she was Black. She’s been playing victim the whole season.

        • Luvlee

          How does one “play victim” when they are messed up? God forbid any of you go thru anything you can’t or dont handle well and you bump into someone like yourself. There before the grace of God! #Glass houses

          • Real is True

            She played victim by run back to the other girl like they attacked her know her father had past which was not the case. They asked her when she arrived how was her father and she shut that topic down and continued to disrespect her friends families home. Only after her bad drunken behavior did she tell anyone her father had died. My mother always told me there is never an excuse for bad distasteful and poor behavior, time and place for everything.

          • DashoverBlood

            Yep God will always be there for those who come in need but can’t with devil worrshippers who mislead many from God

        • Joanne1979

          Who are these black women? Girl, bye.

    • FamuRattler85

      Yes, yes, and more yes!!

  • Nya Jacobsen

    I love the show and Demetria is a really good blogger. I think their pact to keep the ratchetness to a minimum made the prouds come across as insensitive. It was more about decorum than compassion. I just feel sorry for Micah. She doesn’t need tough love, she needs a hug.

  • FamuRattler85

    I’m trying to figure out why it seems as if I’m the only one who heard Mica call Geneva “the B word” BEFORE she said anything about detox. Mica needs to get some help because all that girl does is deny and deflect.

    • just sayn

      Perfectly stated. Yes, Mica needs help badly and does not recognize her behavior she constantly blames others for how they made her feel. What she did in the Hampton was so uncouth! I would not want to be around dthat type of behavioe because those type of people only see others flaws and not their own.

    • Motorcity Mami

      classic trait of an alcoholic….refusal to take responsibility and emotionally unstable

    • Real is True

      I agree denial deflection and to add one more that she does well is play the victim

  • BossLady206

    Mica needs AA BAD!

    • bigdede

      She needs more than AA. She needs psychological therapy. Her father was a drunk and that can run in the family, believe me I know. She needs intensive therapy

      • GoodGooglyMoogly

        Are you from Maryland?

        • bigdede


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  • Myeisha R Moses

    I still wanna know if Geneva knew her boothang had a big brown spot on his shirt? Oh and to me, Geneva looks more like Sheryl Underwood.

    • yorachetHouseGuest

      What might that brown spot be? Sheryl Underwood is Wesley Snipes sister,no?

      • Myeisha R Moses

        LMFAO!! No!

    • JuJu

      when they did that side by side comparison of her and Wesley you couldn’t tell me they weren’t related by blood!! She’s a evil little thing

      • Myeisha R Moses

        LMFAO! Maybe I need to see it.