When Whoopings Go Wrong: Why It’s Time To Abandon Corporal Punishment

126 comments
March 17, 2014 ‐ By Charing Ball
corporal punishment

WorldStarHipHop

A few Facebook debates ago, a friend and I traded thoughts on the benefits – or lack thereof – of spanking children.

She is a mother of two small boys but was against spanking. I, on the other hand, thought that because I was spanked as a child and hadn’t turned into Jeffrey Dahmer, what harm does it really do? In fact, my rationale was that there are even some pitiful grown folks roaming around, who could have used a couple of smacks to the back of the head as children. Naturally, that was a lengthy debate, which ended when we had to agree to disagree.

But that was a year or so ago, and in the words of President Obama, I have evolved.

What inspired this little philosophical evolution comes courtesy of our favorite site for debauchery and mayhem, aka WorldStarHipHop, which posted a 19-second video of a 13-year-old girl being beat savagely by a man, who I will assume is a family member according to the video info, and possibly her father.

According to the narration going on during the video, which comes by way of a woman’s voice who we will assume is another family member, the 13-year-old girl – or “ho” as she is referred to several times in the video – has been missing from home for three days. She is also wearing a form- fitting black dress, which is way too mature for someone her age. We don’t really get to see the child’s face (thankfully) as (unfortunately) the man in the video has her by a fistful of her hair. He swings her about and lashes her repeatedly with his belt while the woman behind or near the camera yells:

You are 13, ho. You want to be a woman? Put it on Facebook and let [inaudible]…you know you ain’t grown, b***h…”

Although the video is short, it is hard to watch. I don’t understand how a single person can look at that video and think any of it – the beating, the hair pulling and the cursing too – is justified.

It’s also painful to watch because it means we have to acknowledge that the way many of us were disciplined as children just wasn’t right. Sure, our parents and other involved family members were well-meaning in their aims. And as the recipients of said a**-whoopings, we could probably point to a number of instances, which likely needed correcting – including staying away from home for three days. But just like the master’s whip, we use corporal punishment too because we want our kids to “act right” or conform to standards that are oppressive and assumptive. I mean, what does it mean to “dress like a ho” anyway? Had that dress been on a grown woman, would you call her a ho? And last time I checked, the real “hos” come in style motifs from conservative librarian all the way to Basketball Wives-chic.

Not to mention that this type of violence – both verbal and physical – that we inflict upon kids tends to manifest itself elsewhere in life. As this study suggests, kids who are spanked are more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior and break rules. And as this study states, people who were verbally abused as children had 1.6 times as many symptoms of depression and anxiety as those who had not been verbally abused and were more likely to be self-critical adults. Therefore, it would seem that spanking and calling children names does more to lead children astray in spite of its aim.

And really, what exactly is the lesson to learn in such heavy-handed discipline?

Could it be for a child that ‘my parents are hypocrites because they claim they love me but out of the other side of their mouth, speak nasty to me’? That ‘the people who are supposed to protect me from danger, embarrass and abuse me worse than the people out in the street’? Yeah, we are mad at the child for having the gall to run away or be away from home and seek refuge elsewhere when likely the lessons on how she should conduct herself as well as be treated by other people in this world happened before she even left the house. After all, if daddy thinks it is cool to call her a ho and a b***h and beat her like a pimp would a renegade prostitute, than why can’t another guy, another girl, and everyone else who all claim such, love me too?

If we truly care about creating a better world for our children (and other people’s children), we have to find more creative alternatives to the old-school ways of disciplining: like talking. And I don’t mean hurling derogatory labels at children like ‘niggas’ and ‘b***hes,’ and ‘hos.’ I mean a real heart-to-heart with your kids, one that seeks to facilitate understanding in addition to being inspiring. The best way to get people to commit to positivity in life is to instill in them the hope and confidence in themselves to want to make sound and right decisions on their own. That can’t come through lashes.

But what does seem to come from all that spanking and name calling are more demoralized people, who are fearful and receptive to all sorts of negative attention. Just like many of us were, who too were spanked often – that’s if we are being honest with ourselves. And that’s the thing: We need to stop burdening our children and the next generation with those emotional pains, just because someone did it to us. We can sit in denial all we want about the uselessness of corporal punishment, but what’s clear is that the child is not the only one in this video in need of guidance. In fact, judging by the comment section under the video (as well as around the Internet), a few of us also might be in need of therapy.

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  • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

    I notice my comments that call for people to stop hurting children have been removed. God Bless America.
    I have not said anything to offend anyone, I merely pointed out the the physical assault of a minor is wrong.
    It just shows the calibre of people that frequent this site.
    Also, is the comment from MoTruth saying I have sex with children going to be deleted?

  • Guest

    TELL ME PLZ how many children beaten or just have been accustomed to receiving punishment in childhood are after became abusive parents?? about 100%. If your parents has often repeated you the famous “you deserve it”, it is not surprising that you will find this scene: “normal” and / or “encouraging”. As you make your bed…

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYRtmMxB5yw CrossWinds

    All discipline should cause some pain or discomfort, to obtain the desired attitude in the person being disciplined. That does not always necessitate a spanking. That should always be the last tool one uses, in the case of absolute defiance and disrespect, and always exercised under absolute self-control, and not in anger. A parent should always have levers to change that defiant child or teen. Warn them once for bad behaviour, warning them of a certain consequence. If they continue, follow through with the consequence is so important. Take that favorite toy away from them, and don’t give in for their crying. Take away their bike for a week, or take that Iphone away from your teen for a week. Ground them for a week etc…Don’t let that teen use the car for a time……Whatever will cause that person some measure of inner pain, so they quickly comprehend the connection between action and consequence. As well, reward them for good behaviour, not every time, but sometimes. Praise them for doing well, and encourage them. We don’t have children to Lord it over them. In the end, we want to have a great relationship with them. And loving discipline will help them become the type of people that you, and others, will enjoy being around. Let the Lord help you and guide you in all wisdom, in raising your children. God Bless

  • Tufanna Thomas

    I could careless what anyone believes, what works in my home is what works in my home. So, you can say whatever, it doesn’t phase me a bit. And I’m not taking anything out of context. And no, I would not go to jail for spanking my teenager, that is ignorant to say!

  • JzzE1

    that is not a whooping. I know, I got plenty of them. I was never slapped, called vulgar names, had my hair pulled or any of the other degrading things you mentioned. . . not by my single parent mom (the ONLY person who had the right to put their hands on me) That came later, much later in life by someone who didn’t have that right and I had to give him a good “whoopin'” cuz obviously, he needed one.

  • Kayla

    Everything doesn’t need to be recorded (and posted for that matter) #thatisall

  • femisogynist

    And here are all the black folks defending their violence against children [also known as "spankings"] to the death. This attachment to being able to physically and psychologically traumatize your child whenever they do something you don’t like really has to end. Why are y’all so against learning to interact with your children like the human beings they are?

  • honeypa72

    It’s how you go about disciplining. You should never ever call your children names and degrade them, but as the mother of three knuckle head boys. I’m sorry, but there are times where I’ve got to get to swinging, because after you’ve asked, begged and pleaded for them to do something, enough is enough. There has to be a consequence. There’s but so much talking you can do. It’s how you do it. I talk to my children, before and after to let them know how much I love them, and furthermore, I’d rather they receive it from me, than a cop with a baton or worse, just saying.

  • eyeconic1

    Spare the rod spoil the child!!!!! However, NO MAN SHOULD EVER HIT A FEMALE LIKE THIS, PERIOD. Speaking to a child like this is crazy. There are better ways to discipline. But, this is such an aggressive community in itself, what do you expect. And yes I am one from the community. Our community is thriving off of money cash hoes. These are the images these girls are seeing obviously, hence the man beating on her like he is her damn pimp. Its sad. Parents need to do better. You cant blame the KIDS when the images and people they are around are LIKE THIS. The apple don’t fall to far from the tree. Listening to the woman behind the camera lets you knwo the female image around her. I really don’t get the whipping the cameras out for so many situations that are suppose to be private and handle among family. Everything aint for everybody. But, we are leaving in such a shallow selfish and everybody wants to be seen. All you are doing is displaying just how ignorant you are. Just like my grandmom use to say acting like the monkeys that they think we are. No other culture or group have to embarrass us we are doing a great job doing it by ourselves.

  • tonyk

    whipping me at 16 . Useless , I’d laugh throughout the whole thing

  • MissKingdomVII

    While yes he did go overboard. But really that 13 year old CHILD was missing for three days and came back dressed like a ho. Think about what was going through his head while she was gone.You know he was worried sick. She could have been dead, raped, tortured somewhere. He’s reacting out of pain.

    • bigdawgman

      And that is where he fails. When you are that angry and frustrated, the last thing you need to do is pick up a belt, because then all of your anger and frustration will be vented on her. And really if your 13 yo is running away and dressing like that, you most likely failed parenting from birth. According to some, he just recently got out of prison himself, so the whole role model thing that parents are supposed to be is shot. Beating her is just going to teach her that she shouldn’t stay out for the whole 3 days. She’ll just sneak out at night and come back in before the morning the next time, until she gets pregnant, or worse….

  • MissA26

    While i do agree that what the man did in the video was going overboard, i dont think there is nothing wrong wit disciplining ur child but talk to them and explain why they are being disciplined start at an early age in my grandma n mama days kids had respect n they were disciplined by da neighborhood. I was not a bad child but i did get a few whoopings n i turned out to be a nice respectable young lady n yes my mother does love me…..jus because kids act out doesnt mean bad parenting sometimes its just kids being kids. I know quite a few ppl who came from good homes n still got into trouble my mama is a wonderful mother whom i respect very much n even wit them whoopings i wouldnt change her for the world. Maybe discipline is wat is missing from kids now a days they have no respect n feel like DCFS is all they gotta say wat is da world coming too.

  • Shawndrea Rachelle

    I’m 17, about 2 years ago I was humiliated and beaten just like the girl in this video, my incident thankfully wasn’t recorded though. It was my father as well. I’m embarrassed to say why he did it because it’s so petty and noone will believe it. I will never, NEVER, EVER respect him for what he did to me, and I will always hate my mother and aunts for not stepping in. The only reason I fake respect for them is to get money and a place to stay until I graduate, honestly.

    • bigdawgman

      When you are old enough, please get therapy. I’m not being funny, you really need to talk to someone about it before it comes out in ways you didn’t expect.

  • Shawndrea Rachelle

    Older black folks are disgusted with a generation they raised.

  • Shawndrea Rachelle

    Yup. Sounds like the perfect formula for productive, respectful, disciplined, college bound future adults. *Sarcasm *

  • nss

    I’m sorry but in my opinion I don’t think he was wrong. So many kids leave home and don’t make it back. And no telling what other issues they’ve had with her.

    • bigdawgman

      Those issues were theirs. If you raise a child properly, AND act properly around the child, they WILL act properly. If you want to see how dysfunctional a home is, look at the children and how they act. Children don’t act up for no reason. They usually mimic what they see in their environment. I hate to judge, but I bet mama steps out quite a bit.

  • AntiRatchet

    though I thin its funny as hell, to do it publicly is a bit much I mean her boobs were nearly abt to come out BUT the dad look young, wheres the mother? mother prob a hoodrat, what can some young hoodrat parents teach anybody honestly? aunt cousins or grandmas on the video callin the girl all kinds of names, they want her to be ” classy ” but showing nothing but ratchetness….how ironic

  • ATL Shawty

    She deserved it. Not only did she run away, she is dressed like an “alley rat”; “street walker”, and “$5 heaux”. Bet she won’t run away anymore with her fast tail. Go Dad!

  • FromUR2UB

    I suppose people who got their a**es kicked while growing up wouldn’t know the difference between spankings and beatings. Grabbing hair, namecalling, blows to the head, punches, kicks, and blood drawn amounts to street brawling. These have nothing to do with spanking. Spankings should be a last resort after talking to the child and other forms of punishment have failed. They’re also effective when a child has done something that is potentially dangerous, kind of as a way of startling them into reality. But, there always has to be a level of respect maintained in dealing with a child. You simply don’t call them degrading names, ever, or spank them in front of other people.

  • enterer

    It would be awesome if she gathers a couple huge guy friends and they come and knock this retard around on camera and splash it all over the internet. That was not a spanking, and I know what beatings are, so this guy needs a beating in return.

  • Observe and Report

    This is unacceptable, a spanking is one thing but this looks like a pimp beating a rebellious hoe all while his other hoes watch and egg it on. Nothing in this video shows good parenting skills and if anything the beating was more for them than it was a disciplinary action for her. I dont have any kids but I will be sure my children understand we talk things out in our home not run away if you have a problem come talk to me cause ain’t nothing in them streets but trouble. The fact that she was even comfortable enough to stay out for three days lets you know someone isnt doing their job raising her. They failed her and now their chickens are coming home to roost. How can they expect her to value her body when they clearly dont? Sn if she’s only 13 where did she get the dress and at thirteen my mother knew every article of clothing I owned and it was mostly because she bought them, once again someone wasn’t taking the time necessary to properly raise this girl and now they have the audacity to feel some type of way about it.

  • Jae Bee

    Thank you! And this beating will probably just give her an even greater desire to leave home again—who would want to live in a household with those so-called parents?!

  • David

    Secondly, how is it that spanking and talking are spoken of by some as mutually exclusive, either or. When I was a child, we did both. Talking and spanking have their place.

    • Jae Bee

      It’s funny how talking and “spanking” become mutually exclusive as soon as you become an adult though…

      If you do something to upset your spouse and they decide to “spank” you–they can go to jail. If you do something to upset your boss and they decide to “spank” you–they can go to jail. Why is it that children, one of the most vulnerable populations in our society, are forced to suffer physical assault/abuse from other people just because they aren’t old enough to legally protect themselves from it?

      • designermade

        Adults have more experience, knowledge and wisdom. Spankimg children is a teaching method. Children dont have the experience, knowledge, and wisdom adults have. When your child continues to skip school after you explained that they are only missing out on an education, but they are placing themselves at risk of danger by not being supervised. Then they will eventually lie about their where abouts. That spanking may prevent them from doing it again. I now spankings worked on me.

        • Jae Bee

          Much like the death penalty, spankings aren’t a deterrent for anything—especially once the child becomes a teenager. It’s ironic that adults, who as you say, have more experience, knowledge, and wisdom do not have to worry about being physically assaulted by others (at least not without legal redress) when they do wrong—yet a child who has less knowledge, experience, and wisdom does. You would think it should be more appropriate to physically discipline knowledgeable adults who are being defiant than ignorant children who don’t know any better. I’ll bet a beating from the boss would work wonders as well, and would stop any employee from badly performing again.

  • David

    Anyone who takes this video as an example of corporeal punishment, can take a train wreck as an example of public transportation. You can never make a cogent argument for or against anything by taking a terrible sample. The example is terrible, and the conclusion based upon this terrible example, also terrible.

  • Sentinel

    The author of this article needs to have several seats.

    • Observe and Report

      Care to elaborate?

      • Sentinel

        There’s no need to further state the obvious. A good (well deserved) butt whuppin aint never hurt nobody. She just chose a poor example to drive the point home. This is clearly verbal and physical abuse. An assault charge even.

        • Observe and Report

          I think the point of the article is how people use “spankings” as a gateway FOR physical abuse. I didn’t really get the sense of making a argument for against it just a matter of how people can take corporal punishment from the realm of discipline to outright abuse and still attempt to justify it as discipline. I could be wrong No need for snide remarks, i feel like if you offer others a seat be ready support your claim to why they need it in the first place. Good dialogue and debate never hurt anyone either.

  • Tufanna Thomas

    This was awful and humiliating. I would never talk to my children in that manner, so degrading. If a boy stayed out 3 days, would he have been beaten like this? I actually have a relative who around this age began running away. She was moved to North Carolina from Boston because her mother could not deal with her anymore, she even gave up parental rights. When she got to NC, everything was fine for a while, she was going to school and church but it started. She started running away and staying gone for several days. She was sleeping with boys and probably men unprotected. She was not being beat, spankings from time time time though , she was found to be bipolar and possibly another mental disorder. She is also a cutter. She has been in and out of mental facilities for the past 2 years. Our mental health system is bad. What her family has gone through to get her help has been crazy, exhausting, time consuming and physically and emotionally draining.

  • francine4koko

    This looks like what the LAW calls Child Abuse. There is a difference in spanking,and beating a child. He had her by the hair,while she was being called vulgar names. That was not love. It is brutality plain and simple!

  • dhgwen

    I absolutely agree with spankings and corporal discipline when warranted (I was 17 when I got my last deserved whooping). But it must be done with love and a desire to teach a child respect for authority and how to conduct themselves in the world. But what was in this video was ugly and filled with hate. A father calling his daughter a hoe and a b*tch, and worse, pulling her hair like a wild animal or like he was in a street fight w/ an enemy; all of this was done with hatred and is entirely sad and unacceptable.
    IMO, she was being abused.

  • Billy Wade

    I understand the debate between whether or not you should spank your child. Problem here is even you describe this as a savagely beating not the same thing at all. We should start a debate about how people use extremes and try to incorporate them into common issues in order to make their side look more just. To me it seems you are trying to use what is obviously assault and/or child abuse as a way to manipulate others into thinking spanking a child is similar and therefore wrong. You are bad and should feel bad. Also that video should be used as a defense to put that man and woman ( the recorder) in jail. Posting it here and using it as some tool is immoral and any other use other than to punish them is too.

  • hi-liter

    Looks like a pimp beating his ho.

  • candy cane

    That doesn’t look like discipline; it looks like child abuse. Discipline doesn’t call for a child to be called b!tches and ho’s.

  • Let It Be

    I saw this video a couple of days ago. My first thought was, “DANG SHE IS 13???? She looks 20!”. Then, I realized we are dealing with some serious issues in the household. What type of discipline is this? Whats going on in this house where she thought this was ok to begin with? My goodness…

  • Kylie

    I would also like to add that I feel like it’s a lazy parenting. You want to beat the child because you snapped out of anger but did you take the time to teach them not to do whatever it is they were doing to begin with? Let’s be honest most of the time these whoopings happen just because the parent is angry and fed up.

    • bigdawgman

      Amen! Preach it!!

  • Kylie

    This video is disgusting. Why is he pulling her by hair? A grown man should not be handling a girl like that, no excuses. I just really feel some kind of way about men hitting their teens daughters, nieces, or whatever. There is no excuse for this. I see why she was gone. I also hate how people cuss their kids out like someone off the street while they’re doing the beating. I remember my mom calling me a ho for no good reason. I was like 10. Smh

  • MsShaynaT

    What kind of house is she growing up in where she disappears for 3 days to do god knows what? this is not discipline. this is abuse. Sorry. If you’re still beating kids once they reach middle school age, you have messed up. Black people have been ‘spanking’ for generations and it has done nothing but create two generations of angry people with high crime rates, teen pregnancy and incarceration. And before anyone talks about CPS, stop before you start. That hasn’t stopped our community from corporal punishment. You do not discipline children in anger. And everyone in this video is angry. If anything, this child will probably grow up to be in an abusive relationship.

  • So Ambitious

    We can only imagine what caused this type of action. I’m 33 and got my arse beat like this when I back talked, Stayed out past curfew etc. I graduated high school and college. These type beatings/arse whoopings/tough love are what saved me from being a teenage mother and dropout. Gran Gran, Mom and Daddy weren’t having it and I love and respect them for every one I got!

  • Tamira Bennett Volk

    Where I come from men didn’t spank girls.they left that to other women. This is abuse not discipline.

  • Stacy D. Smith

    A pencil’s a handy tool when used to write a paragraph. Conversely, it can also be pushed into someone’s eye. This video says virtually nothing about the usefulness of corporal punishment.

    Spare the rod, spoil the child. I have been and will always be a proponent of spanking (in concert with other methods of discipline).

  • Deborah Johnson

    something must be going on in the house hold for her to be gone for 3 days , whooping her like that was very wrong they better be lucky that she did come home and not dead or thrown in the garbage like most girls ends up , if that was my daughter I would be thankful she home and let her know we need o talk and ask why she been missing for laving like that and let it be known if it happens again grounding her will be a must taking the phone friends and will not allow herself to go anywhere without me being present to see who you were with and why you think this is right for you.

    • Trisha_B

      My sister ran away once to go be w/ some boy. My mom went around the whole neighborhood looking for her. When my sister decided to come home the next morning, my mom didn’t even let her in the house. She brought her right to the county jail. My sister was shook!! Guess who never ran away again?! Lmao (& yes she got the beating of the lifetime, Jamaican style!!)

  • Trisha_B

    Once I found out she was actually alive, wasn’t kidnapped, & actually ran away…her stuff would have just be at the front door. Let her get a tough reality check when she realizes if you can’t follow the house rules then you don’t need to live here. I wouldn’t risk going to jail for her

    • nora

      She’s 13. A sure way to go to jail is to put her out at the age.

      • Trisha_B

        Well then she would be right there w/ me b/c you can be arrested for running away. Idk why these teens think people have time for their foolishness, & I’m just 23 lol. She can go live w/ grandma, auntie, cousin. But she would have to realize to live under this roof, you need to respect me, if not you can go. This girl just knew she would be able to come back in that house w/ no issues smh

        • nora

          I can only assume that her upbringing is the issue. The man (whoever he is) is abusing her in public and someone is recording it instead of helping her. Look at the surroundings. Look at her style of dress. This is not a loving nor nurturing upbringing nor environment. This generation of kids need extremely involved parents who guide, discipline and nurture. Being hood then expecting your kids to obey is contradictary. A loving parent who did their best to raise their child wouldve hugged them and then commensed to discipline. All be it, not this harsh. In 2014, whoopings arent going to fix things. And sending her to grandma’s house is no longer a good solution. Times have changed.

          • Billy Wade

            Th environment doesnt really matter, you don’t even know if she really “ran away” or if she just didnt tell people where she was going (which ever kid does). You think if a child actually ran away they would have called the police and this video wouldnt exist. Also the fact that the male has nice cloths (name brand at that), the girl is wearing nice cloths as well, they have a nice car, and the video quality is that of a smart phone so I doubt the houses or surroundings have any really effect here. She has bad parents and that is it. These two should be in jail for beating her, period. I grew up in houses just like that not everyone is cut from the same cloth and having a mentality where you feel like that is an actual concern is harmful. you can be a good person and have loving parents no matter what your living conditions are.

            • nora

              Environment plays a big part in a child’s upbringing. Of course, a negative environment doesnt negatively effect every child, but a large number. Also, she was away from home for 3 days. A 13 yr gone for 3 days w/o telling anyone, as you suggested, is not typical and considered a runaway. If it’s not then her parents are very neglectful. And to have no problem “disciplining” a child in such manner is public, I can only assume that those around her permit that mess. My above comment never suggested that a person cant hv loving parents in an environment as such. I stated that loving and nurturing parents dont behave in that manner. I did not eguate that with environment. And frankly, I dont think that is a father/daughter dynamic in the video.

      • Observe and Report

        No not necessarily, in cases of a run-away you can contact child protective services or the police and tell them you have an out of control teen who runs away and they will come get her. Not a get option but nevertheless an option

        • nora

          That’s not what the original commenter recommended. She stated placing her belongings outside and locking her out. She did mention calling the authorities. So I informed her thay locking a child out is considered illegal.

          • Chiqueta Andwhothefkru Harris-

            NO she stated it would be at front door packed & not outside…there is a difference

    • Tufanna Thomas

      Actually, they can’t do that at her age.

  • guest

    I am a firm believer in spankings but this was no spanking. This is a grown a$$ man wailing on a little girl! I dont care what she did. Nothing justifies the actions of this man who is essentially her only guide as to how a man is supposed to treat her. No wonder she ran away and did whatever with whoever. She’s living with people who dont value her body enough to not mark it up to oblivion, who dont respect her enough to address her by her god given name, and dont care one iota about her dignity at all that they choose to “discipline” her out in the streets for everyone to see and talk about. I weep for these children. Broken children who only know this violent lifestyle go on to be broken adults who inflict the same harm on their children under the guise of “love”. This is not love. Its abuse!

  • I do believe in spankings but this father went too damn far in that video. When your kid is out of line you DISCIPLINE them not ABUSE them.

    • Lisa

      I really think that at this point she needs counseling. She must have some issues to be doing all that at such a young age.

    • Jafar J. Martin

      I agree. But then again…the phrase “out of line”, as you put it, is probably defined differently by the both of us. Out of line suggests something like talking disrespectfully to another person or not minding manners..or stealing candy from a store or cutting class or something of that nature. What distresses me is the level of anxiety I felt in realizing a 13 yr girl was missing from home for 3 days under her own volition. What would keep me from spanking her under those conditions is the overwhelming flood of anger, fear, disappointment & emotion that would take over my system. I literally might kill my daughter if I had to physically touch her. I’m so saddened by the entire event. I honestly would have to go away for a long length of time to regain my composure. I don’t know what I’d do after taking time to calm down. I do know it would take much effort on my part to not black out & see red. & I don’t want to put my hands on anyone when I’m in that state of mind. But being gone for half a week is categorized much higher than being “out of line” for me.

  • Ebony in Hartford

    Black parenting can look so much better than this. Black folks need to do a hell of a lot better by our kids, and start a lot sooner with talking to our kids, and communicating with them, and teaching them coping skills.

    If spanking ‘worked’ so well, black folks who spank a lot would have the best behaved kids in any school. I have spent 8 years teaching middle school, and trust, if a kid is still getting spanked in middle school as a primary form of discipline, it does not bode well for his or her future performance. The jails are filled with folks who got the mess beat out of them.

    If a parent were doing his or her job when the kid were small, this would not be an issue.
    Imagine WHY this girl is less afraid of what might happen to her out on the street rather than with her own flesh and blood. Too many folks get OFF on seeing black women get brutalized. Sick, sick, sick.

    • xiomara

      The first part of your comment didnt go down well with me because to say “black parenting” is using a broad stroke. Im a black parent who doesnt discipline my child in this manner nor was I disciplined in this manner. However, i do agree that parents have to invest sufficient time in communicating with their kids and guiding them in the right direction
      And I have said it a million times that tii mamy of our xhildren lack coping skills.

      • Ebony in Hartford

        Exactly, so YOU prove that ‘black parenting’ can look better than this. What exactly did you take issue with?

        • xiomara

          Not all black parents lack the ability to discipline. So I dont consider poor discipline technigues to be black parenting. However, I do believe many in our community dont invest time needed teaching proper behavior. And there appears to be an extreme lack of patience concerning discipline

          • Observe and Report

            I think the point is that black parents GENERALLY use corporal punishment as a primary form of discipline. If it didn’t apply well you know the rest. Be honest look at the majority of these comments and draw your own conclusion about the COLLECTIVE mindset of the black community. Every rule has its exceptions, the black community is not different.

    • Kim Harrison

      And jails are filled with those who got time out! I got my share of butt whippings and it didn’t kill me. For me, it worked, for others, it may not – no one size fits all so who is the foremost authority on discipline. I agree there are some underlying issues going on here and this cannot be all that is done (yet, if it were me, I would be good and in line after this shalacking) as there is clearly a problem. Spare the rod and spoil the child if you wish, this is not a black thing. Many parents in other countries to the same, so not sure why this is a black thing. As a school administrator in an alternative school, talking has not worked. Parents have allowed kids to do what they want, say what they want, stay where they want and come to school if they want. Then the schools are labeled as “the pipeline to prison” because students get suspended or are arrested if they get out of hand. According to that study, when students are suspended or taken downtown as a juvenile, “we” are forcing them into prison. According to “research” kids who are beaten become aggressive. I am sick of all of these folk who are not in the trenches….

      • Jae Bee

        “And jails are filled with those who got time out!”

        Unfortunately however, those who got whuppins far outnumber those who got time out in jail.

        • Kim Harrison

          What data points support your theory?

          • Jae Bee

            What data points support YOUR theory?

            • Kim Harrison

              Living proof…….dear! Raised by a single mom and Marine (as well as 2 older brothers) after the marriage ended. All college grads, none in jail/prison, all gainfully employed. Father was never there. Two of us have advanced degrees. Mom never had to come to jail to get any of us out; never suspended; there was no sneaking out or in; no one broke curfew. Raised in the church, God-fearing, respectful of elders to this day! Both brothers ended up single FATHERS with 3 sons between the two of them – all college grads, in the banking institution. Note, they raised their sons the same way:)… Only robes we saw were graduation robes! The money paid out went to books not bond…. I am an administrator in an ALTERNATIVE high school and I see it EVERYDAY what happens when parents “spare the rod”. Just real-time, historical, empirical data…….;)

              • Jae Bee

                That’s nice, but personal anecdotes don’t mean much in comparison to the larger population. Trust me, I’m a social worker who has worked in child abuse prevention and the mental health field. I also have a lot of experience with the forensic population to know that your story, while laudable, is often the exception and NOT the norm.

                • Guest

                  As I stated before, one size does not fit all. I know what worked for me and what has worked. For some a good tongue lashing will do, others removal of rewards/belongs and others need a good of butt whipping……..done

                  • Jae Bee

                    What does your personal anecdotes have to do with the fact that there are more children in the correctional (and mental health) system who were beaten as children than those who were not? Obviously, spankings did not prevent those people from getting into trouble or having problems in life.

  • KB

    Instead of beating the hell out of this girl, maybe they should be asking why she ran away in the first place. We as a community cannot continue to just beat our kids when they misbehave like that will magically solve the problem. It’s the lazy way out…find out why your kids do what they do and discipline appropriately. The child was probably tired of being called out her name and that’s why she ran away in the first place.

  • EverybodyLoves Gladys

    Minus the hair pulling and the cursing, that was a justified azz whuppin. If I, at 13, had left home for 3 days and came back with a Pump It Hottie dress on, I wouldn’t be alive to tell the tale. My daughter is 12, and she knows she has to check in with me every so often when she’s not with family (even then we peridocally text) so my question is why was no one looking for this girl for 3 days? Where did she get the dress? This is much too much, but again I wouldn’t shame a parent for getting physical with their child under these circumstances.

    • Stacy D. Smith

      I’m not sure it works in this case. Clearly something is already amiss in the home. Spankings only work when they’ve been used much earlier than the teen years. At this point in her life, she should be out of that phase of parental punishment. Make no mistake though, she definitely deserved to be punished. The insults and the hair pulling though? Way out of line.

      • Tufanna Thomas

        Sorry Stacy but I don’t agree. My daughter got a spanking or beating or whatever you want to call it a year ago when she was 16. She has never been in trouble in school, active in church and community groups and volunteers but decided to have a tantrum one day then I found out, no caught her red handed taking my car without permission. She got it and I haven’t had a problem since! I can probably count on one hand how many times she got spankings in her life, but during and after, she knew I meant business but she also knows I love her. I will not spare the rod because some idiot decides to abuse his niece, if they had discipline and structure in her life from the beginning, she wouldn’t have been out 3 days at 13!

        • Lisa

          At 16 I don’t think you should have to put your hands on your child. I just don’t think that’s right.

          • designermade

            Today, 16 year olds are putting their hands on their parents.

            • Observe and Report

              If you raise them to have respect they won’t

              • designermade

                It’s that easy. Oh, too bad abused parets dont know.

                • quiet1

                  I agree with Observe….and by the way I am a adult survivor of abuse and I made a personal vow to myself growing up to be the opposite of the monster my father was to me. I have a 17 yr old daughter and she is the most respectful teen I know and I never laid hands on her, it came from me showing her love and discipline early on . So when you say abused parents don’t know this is not always the case some of us do grow up to be very loving adults.

                • Observe and Report

                  While your being flippant understand that i’m not making an argument to belittle anyone. My point is you get what you put in in MOST cases. No two children are the same however raising your children with respect and morals is your job as a parent and how they use it later on if up to the child. My mother was abused as a child in a number of ways however I have NEVER and will NEVER put my hands on her because she raised me to first respect her and to respect myself. She raised me that to disrespect her is to disrespect myself because i am an extension of her. If this is a premise you can’t understand perhaps you don’t need children.

              • Guest

                I beg to differ. And here is the reason, kids are given rights, advocates and lawyers to support them in their foolishness. Parents either don’t or can’t parent anymore. More and more parents are younger and younger. Kids raising kids. This is what you get. Then when I child acts out, the systems in place rush to protect them, talk to them and give names to the reasons for what they do and then make it acceptable. Society has perpetuated these problems.,

                • Observe and Report

                  Never said there weren’t any exceptions kids are their own people and will ultimately do what they want. However does that mean we stop raising them all together because its possible they will go wayward. My point is the overwhelming majority can attest that children raised with respect and morals and to be upstanding respectful citizens as adults. But this doesn’t change the fact that parents are still accountable for how they raise their children.

            • hollyw

              If that’s the case, then it is clearly already too late. Putting your hands on them will only elicit a fight, wherein which you will end up going to jail for assault of a minor, and if you got younger kids, then in child protective and an open case. Smh come on, now people…

            • Dionne

              Say it again @designermade and that is what happens when the rod is spared…..that’s what happens when a movie theater is shot up or a school….or better still their parents don’t show up for work for two days just to be found in their bed with their throat slit and the kid had taken the family car with friends to south beach like nothing happened!!!!

          • Tufanna Thomas

            I don’t care what you think.

        • hollyw

          I’m sorry, but that sounds horrible. Just b/c your daughter never took your car after that doesn’t mean she learned respect or responsibility from the “punishment”. My father “spanked” me when I was 14 (clearly, it’s no normal spanking when your kid is the same size as you), and, to date, almost 15yrs later, it was the most degrading experience of my life and I will never forget he did that to me.

          When your child has already built an identity separate from you, there is no way you can effectively punish them physically w/o some real psychological damage occurring. Plus, you run the risk of them defending themselves, which they legally have every right to do. You will just go to jail. Either they’ll report you, or you’ll have to escalate your aggression to match theirs, which is probably exactly what happened above when you think about it…

          • designermade

            That’s your experience. My experience after receiving a spanking was to change my behavior. I probably received 5 spankings in my life. I recall not misbehaving in order to avoid receiving a spanking. Just because you didnt respond a certain way after a disciplinary action doesnt mean that the particular action is useless. Enforcing discipline is not one size fit all. My mother used communication, restrictions, humiliation, spankings, and slaps as forms of discipline. To this day, I have great respect for my mother and am certain that she raised educated, respectful daughters who are married with well paid jobs and who contribute to society.

            • hollyw

              You seemed to have entirely missed the context of the discussion; we were talking teenagers, specifically. I also didn’t receive many whoopings in my lifetime, but that doesn’t mean they worked. I’m also very well educated, currently work as a behavioral therapist for children, and am constantly seeing parents with your thinking failing in this changing society. I’m able to get the quickest results from children without putting my hands on them, when their parents had been hitting them since forever, and most ended up in our agency after an open ACS case, so no, am not speaking simply from my personal experience. Good luck.

          • Guest

            Did I read this correctly…..Plus, you run the risk of them defending themselves, which they legally have every right to do……. A right to put their hands on me – the one who gave them LIFE? Provided food, clothes, shelter and made numerous sacrifices and you are saying a child of any age, has a “right?” They can’t vote, smoke, drink or even enter into contracts legally, but they have a right to put their hands on me????? Hmmm, this is the foolish school of thought that our children have today and I see where it is coming from – adults! Wow, eye opening! If you don’t respect the one who gave you life you will not have respect for anyone else.

            • hollyw

              No, you did not read that correctly. However, you did define yourself more strongly as the other “foolish school of thought” in how easily you confused defending oneself with someone putting their hands on you…smh. Word to the wise, just because you birth a child and are held to rearing them (afterall, you made the choice to bring them into this world; not them), does not mean you have all rights over them and they have none. Your mentality is exactly WHY child protection laws even came into existence. Please stop the ignorance.

          • kdot

            I think this topic is like religion. some are for it some are against it. I got my butt whooped by my mother at 16 for thinking I ran my parents house and I learned respect. I saw for myself it was wrong how i decided to talk to my parents. Just because some of you didn’t learn from your spankings or whatever politically correct word we are trying to use ,doesn’t mean no one else did. My son is 4 and I punish him by taking away things he really likes as opposed to hitting him but that does not mean if he ever chose to get out of hand I wont pop his butt one good time. Some children need that kind of punishment. My mother said this to her 6 children, whoop your butt now so you wont whoop mines later and i agree. All of us a fully functional productive people of this society. What works for her might not work for some of you that does NOT make her way of bringing us up wrong. This subject is a no win situation because the people who are against it will never see the others side.

            • Tufanna Thomas

              I agree with you, it’s like many other topics. There will be people on both sides! This man crossed the line though, that was abuse!

            • hollyw

              I don’t disagree with what you say, but I do think there is a fundamental difference between consequences for children that teach respect, and those that teach fear; there is a thin line, and many parents cannot distinguish the two.

              The child ‘s response may be the same, and I’m not saying corporal punishment doesn’t serve a purpose or is even ineffective; however, the purpose it does serve is often confused with another, that’s all I’m saying.

          • Tufanna Thomas

            hollyw, first, you got a snippit of my daughter getting spanked and compared it to your situation. I don’t know anything about you and your father and what happened to you with your spanking and how it affected you, so don’t insert your degrading experience into ours. Second, personally, degrading experiences I have had have kept me from doing them again! And believe me when I say that I can wholeheartedly say that her few lifetime of spankings are no comparison to all the love that she has received and this isn’t me just saying this, it is from what I know from her. I’m not just a spanking parent, in fact I talk and have discussions with my kids 99% of the time and they hate that more than a spanking. You are entitled to your opinion, but everyone’s experience is not the same. Thanks. So, back to the original post, that guy was waaayyy out of line and should have gone to jail!

            • hollyw

              Sooo now degradation is also an acceptable form of discipline?? You are right, i do not know you from Adam, i just work with parents disciplining their children on a daily basis and can speak on many children’s behalf in a way the parent in question often cannot see.

              For the record, my father is a loving parent, also, and our relationship is twice as close as it is with mine with my mother’s. His “talks”were also much worse than his whoopings, but i guarantee you if you asked her today about your handling of the incident, she’d confirm everything I’ve said. He even cried after he did it, but that did not make me despise him less, so love and respect had nothing to do with that experience on either of our parts… at the end of the day, I agree that this incident was out of line, but also agree with the main title. Physical punishment is too often used by parents at a time when they are desperate, out of ideas, and extremely angry, and it’s simply unfair to the child, ijs. God bless

        • folamix

          There may have been discipline but the question is what kind of discipline. And what else is she seeing in the home?

        • Live_in_LDN

          You and a lot of other ignorant people are using the phrase ‘spare the rod’ out of context. No where in the bible does Jesus condone beating children.

          • Tufanna Thomas

            I am by no means ignorant, you don’t know me.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    The thing about spankings is not the fact that it is done, but how it is done. There is a fine line between punishment and beating a child out of anger. The key difference is knowing when that line has been crossed and when spanking are necessary. Just hate how people assume if you’re spanking a child, you’re automatically beating them . . .

    • Lisa

      Exactly! I got the spanking of my life when I was 6 and was playing with fire in the house and set a napkin on fire. I deserved that one and I didn’t play with fire ever again!
      I hate these videos. What kind of parent curses at their child? You want to get all serious now, but where were you when she starting to act fast? They don’t just get buck out the blue.

      • MsShaynaT

        Right! What led to her sneaking out and doing all that nonsense? That’s not her father. That’s her uncle, so what kind of house is she growing up in?

  • MzUnprediktable

    Corporal punishment is done when an extreme happens or when all other measures have been exhausted. Never will I beat my child in the street! However, spanking as yall call it isn’t bad. THe issue is that some people go overboard. You can’t spank your child for everything. You must vary your punishments…take away stuff, talk, etc.

  • toni

    There is a difference between a loving parent spanking a child for disciplinary purposes and the actions taken in this video. To use this video as an example for opposing physical discipline is a big reach. I dont spank. But im not oppose to it.

    • akira

      I completely agree with u

      • China Dastorm Shallpasstoo

        I agree with u but I see nothing wrong if that was my daughter 13 missing I would’ve done the same here they r thing she’s dead somewhere and she laid up wit some grown who she don’t know he could have aids and he could have killed her raped her anything and I’m sure the police was not out looking for her because she’s 13 I mean he could have even been trafficking her across the world people r sick now and days but I would not Call her a ho

        • Sylvia Mayfield-Jackson

          i agree but don’t do it in public where everyone can have an opinion about the way you choose to discipline

          • profwrightbsu

            at a point you cross over from discipline to abuse, and if that is the way they treat her, i see why she was gone for 3 days. no sooner than she turns 18, if she stays that long, she’ll be gone.

            she didn’t just suddenly decide to behave that way.

    • NewOrleanin

      Thank you!!! There is a difference between a spanking and a beating! I am all for a spanking. This debauchary is a beating no one deserves this especially a man hitting a girl like this. This is a bad example though.

      • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

        I don’t see how anyone can treat the physical (or mental) assault of a minor as “Spanking” or discipline. I don’t know about you lot, but a beating is a beating. Just cos kids can’t, or do not have the facility to complain or defend themselves from the pain they are being subjected to, doesn’t mean some cruel swine should be allowed to vent their anger on them.
        You don’t produce reasonable human beings by thrashing it into them. Don’t try and make out that “Spanking” is OK because there are worse beatings available. You are using that as an excuse to get away with bullying children.

        • name

          You dont agree with spankings, dont to it. Next

          • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

            I don’t, and didn’t when my kids were little.
            I also don’t like people that attempt to raise support from others that assault their kids, to free them of the guilt they feel for hurting, frightening and betraying the trust of their children by hitting them.
            They wouldn’t hit them if they could hit back.
            Saying “Next” like that must have made you feel really smug.

            • sirrahraicila

              I spanked my 16 year old son because he got out of line and was completely disrespectful outside my home. Let me mention, my son is 6’2″ and weighs about 75 pounds more than me. I agree with “name.” You don’t agree with spankings, Colin Taylor, don’t do it. Next.

              • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

                It is obvious that you struggle to communicate with your 16 year old son. It must make you feel less of a failure to be in the company of other abusers, look you have 9 spank buddies right now.

                I could pretend that I punch my little grandson for being a child, if that makes you feel more comfortable.

                • JzzE1

                  If you “punch” someone, that is not a spanking. That is beating

                  • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

                    When you spank a child, you are doing it to inflict some sort of pain, to a greater or lesser degree, it is not meant to tickle them into submission. Punching or spanking, it doesn’t matter much to the child. It is being hurt, and most of the time it doesn’t even now why.
                    Do you know the first child cruelty case in America was pursued through the courts by a law against cruelty to animals, it was considered OK to do as you wish to your own child. I know it was a while ago, but you hit a dog or a cat, someone will report you, all you kid thrashers are advocating hitting children with impunity. Once they reach adulthood, they could have you arrested for the same actions.
                    Spanking is out and out laziness. Mostly done out of anger. It breeds anger and resentment and is a born of a weakness of character.
                    I thought Americans were supposed to be Christians?
                    Ghandi said
                    “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
                    Well, you bunch of child assaulters prove that perfectly.

                • profwrightbsu

                  “you struggle to communicate with your 16 year old son”

                  that’s hilarious! Not every child needs a spanking. Some respond well to talking. Some respond well to timeouts. Some respond well to taking the keys to their car, or taking their phone, or not allowing them to hang out with their friends, or not letting their girlfriend come over to watch movies.

                  I would rather spank my kid in those extreme cases where he needs it in the hope that it will cause him to pause before he takes a similar unsafe action in the future, than to watch him fail in a way that could cause irreparable damage to his future.

                  • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

                    Are you saying that only kids that are “spanked” live good, wholesome lives?

                • MoTruth

                  Well, if this 13 year old was just “being a child”, you m-i-g-h-t have a point. She did not take a cookie out of the cookie jar without permission, she acted as if she was a fully grown woman, leaving the house for 3 days, whoring around with someone likely much older, who thereby was breaking the law. Should they have put her in “time out”? Please STFU Colin Taylor!!!!!!!!!!!! You must have sex with the underage yourself.

                  • http://countmeout.info/ Colin Taylor

                    MoTruth. You dirty mouth b4stard.